April 09, 2004


Acceptance how bravely I had written this word just a few days ago..and guess what happened..when I read the term paranoid schizophrenia on my sons latest report..I felt again this paralysing chill all over.
We are just out of the hospital after his sixth change of medicines this time to Clozapine.
Hope again... for neither me nor the doctors can predict the outcome.Each medicine arrests some symptoms forgets others..each promises only some side effect which as it turns out are often too many to count.
Each brings out a different personae and somewhere in all this I have lost my son completely.
My heart breaks when I see him trying to cope with daily life.All things so natural and automatic to us are long, ritualistic and difficult for him.
Often Iam left wondering about what I can do to help him.
I must relearn acceptance once again.
I must learn loving detachment.
Imust do this for his and my sake for Iam useless when reduced to an emotional heap.

Posted by Monica at April 9, 2004 09:27 AM | TrackBack


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