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Well, I can be pretty sure that I wasn't given the placebo. Yesterday morning I felt a little dizzy and had a head-ache. But today, it had escalated to not being able to stand. I was continuously falling into things and loosing consiousness. After crashing around the bathroom for a time, unsuccessfully attempting to get dressed, I called the research people. Then, I discovered how disorganized my thoughts were. I couldn't speak correctly! I tried to tell her I was having "side effects" but it came out "heart attacks" repeatedly! I get to stop the drug, and then they'll talk with me about it on my Wednesday appointment. They want to try tapering me on it slower. Fuck that! Up until the last month, I hadn't taken ANY anti-psychotics for over a year. Then, I got it in my head that maybe I should experiment with them again... That maybe I didn't give them a chance. Rediculous! Now I'm getting a well-needed wake-up call, reminding me of why I was doing so well without the drugs in the first place!
I'm feeling much better now, thanks to an extremely short half-life of the drug. I'm glad I don't have to take it today or tomorrow, or the next morning. I really want that $200 for the study, though. I'll have to listen to what suggestions they have. I managed to go to work today, after pacing around and drinking lots of water to get some of the drug out of my system. I was doing just peachy with my old, stable self before. Chemical lobotomies are bad M'kay?
My Chinese food came with two fortunes:
"You will have good luck in your personal affairs."
"Adversity is the test for strong men."