April 11, 2004
Sunday
Hello again. I'm having my sunday night siesta. Just lounging around. There's a lot of lounging-around-therapy involved in my treatment plan. In some ways, just being happy with my own company is a real breakthrough considering what it's been like when things are the opposite to comfortable. If any of you have had the experience of going to visit somebody on a ward and have thought what a dreadful, dull, lifeless kind of environment it can be then it's worth making the effort to understand that it's not the medication or the regieme particlarly; it's what's required after all the shocks and distubances of a traumatic time. Nothing much happens, and that's a welcome break. As things settle down and the patient's condition improves (which can take months and months) then there ought to be some way of re-engaging in "occupational" activity. I ended up working in the gardens myself. Anyway, it's not all as doom and gloomy as it often first seems to appear.
Hope all's well with you all. Speak soon, Alan.
Posted by alan at April 11, 2004 08:08 PM
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hello Alan, nice to read your posts.
Honestly, they seem too happy to have been written by someone with schizophrenia. I'm amazed in a way, but I suppose that you are at a point where you are really well-integrated- or you wouldn't be writing at all.
when did it all click for you? When did you finally say that taking the meds was worth it, that you didn't like the voices or that you were ready to 'go their way' [the docs'] and take the meds? when did you begin to trust and how did it happen? Is it your faith?
So many people around me distrust the meds and go off of them. It is constant roller coastering. I am watching my sister slowly disintegrate. She is off her meds for several weeks. The doctors were jerks. No excuse for her or them. She suspects, among her various delusions, that her husband is cheating. She knows he is. It's not at all true, but just try and defend him. ouch! She'll turn those hazel eyes on you and drill a stare right through your brain. I want her to trust me, so I back off.
She tells me, asks me, why is she persecuted for something she didn't do. What can I say? To say that is how it is, is not enough. But I know in my heart that it is her cross. and it is mine to watch. So, we watch and wait. And I say, and I mean it, well, it's okay. What else is new? really. Nothing is, and maybe it's not so bad. My level of expectation is maybe an inch off the ground......! take care. bluebird
Posted by: bluebird at April 12, 2004 03:01 AM
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hello Alan, nice to read your posts.
Honestly, they seem too happy to have been written by someone with schizophrenia. I'm amazed in a way, but I suppose that you are at a point where you are really well-integrated- or you wouldn't be writing at all.
when did it all click for you? When did you finally say that taking the meds was worth it, that you didn't like the voices or that you were ready to 'go their way' [the docs'] and take the meds? when did you begin to trust and how did it happen? Is it your faith?
So many people around me distrust the meds and go off of them. It is constant roller coastering. I am watching my sister slowly disintegrate. She is off her meds for several weeks. The doctors were jerks. No excuse for her or them. She suspects, among her various delusions, that her husband is cheating. She knows he is. It's not at all true, but just try and defend him. ouch! She'll turn those hazel eyes on you and drill a stare right through your brain. I want her to trust me, so I back off.
She tells me, asks me, why is she persecuted for something she didn't do. What can I say? To say that is how it is, is not enough. But I know in my heart that it is her cross. and it is mine to watch. So, we watch and wait. And I say, and I mean it, well, it's okay. What else is new? really. Nothing is, and maybe it's not so bad. My level of expectation is maybe an inch off the ground......! take care. bluebird
Posted by: bluebird at April 12, 2004 03:01 AM