The Doctor is In

I was going to leave it for another day - I've been busy resting. But the big grey tomcat has been sick so I'm up now and I might as well say a piece.

Firstly, I must apologise for my last, angry outburst. There's no need to vent my disquiet in public. Except that I have been feeling rotten and I suppose it just boils over into this avenue of communication.

I've had some more comments made which is really nice. I'm obviously entertaining or informing one or two of you. Part of the attraction of going on the internet is to converse with people in similar or related situations. For all my seeming confidence, really, I'm a pretty isolated soul and have been for a number of years. It's not that I don't have the opportunity to socialise; it's just that my social skills are very rusty and I tend to lack motivation. Things are improving as time goes by. In fits and starts. But typing away here in the middle of the night is one way of moving things on a bit.

Anyway, I was going to say that, secondly, this is not a religious website so I won't do any evangelising - not that I'd necessarily be much good at it anyway - but I just wanted to let you know that I have had inner support from my understanding of the spiritual journey I'm on. It's not something that gets talked about much, certainly not in the psychiatric circles I'm party to. However, the sense of self harmony and peace which can accompany meditations on the great religious themes is worth a lot in the recovery-from-illness process. But, like I say, each to his own.

So how's the world shaping up? I'm a bit locked into my little corner at the moment. Somebody was saying on the T.V. the other night about how there's a feeling of doom and dread around in the air. Well, I'd rather not go too much into that: communal paranoia is a bit much. Leave it to the politicians and the churchmen. My plate is pretty full already.

My brothers seem to think I'm doing well. They've certainly seen me in much worse states before now. Personally, I feel a bit wobbly and unsure as to how things are going to go this year. It was all sewn up; or so I thought. Incredible how things can change, literally overnight. I remember when I'd been in the rehab. unit for a good while and something came up that made me show a bit of independent spirit. I was shifted back to the acute ward. And the consultant went off on annual leave. Man, I was really annoyed with him. I even enquired at the police station about whether it would be possible to trace him in order to get the move reversed. Things got sorted out in the end.

I didn't do badly overall as far as falling foul of the powers that be was concerned. The fact that my parents, my Dad in particular, had made a point of keeping in touch with the staff must've helped my case along. Three cheers for concerned family members. Really, the whole process is a complex web of interwoven causes-and-effects and I suppose the only thing I can say to folk who are just getting involved with the whole thing is to try and involve as many people as possible. Where I was admitted, they had an advocacy service, which I leaned heavily on. It didn't secure my immediate release as I was wishing, but I (at the very least) got to talk fairly and squarely with someone, independent of the hospital staff. That was a help.

O.K. The cat seems to be doing all right. I'll let you get back to what you were doing. See you soon. 'Bye, Alan.

Posted by alan at April 19, 2004 03:08 AM