The Doctor is In

Friday

A quick entry: I'm not so sure how I'm doing. Falling in love wasn't on the agenda! It certainly causes an upset - in a rather delightful sort of a way. Anyway, I've been in a daze. Dreaming quite a lot, heavily. It's this sort of situation that is a test of how I'm getting on with things in general. The highs and lows make for interesting times. I'm coping not too bad. Gets a bit scary at times. But then, it gets really lovely too. Of course, I know that psychiatric patients aren't really allowed to have romantic interludes - all part of the illness, don't you think?. No, not really.

All the best. I'll keep you informed....

Alan.

Sunday

Just managed to get back to ground level over the weekend. I had a lift from a new Internet friend and I was riding high on a wave of euphoria. A ladyfriend, needless to say. Anyway, that's not very interesting. In fact, I haven't got much to say at the moment. I feel that I've slotted back into the groove as far as continuing care is concerned. It is good to have refound the special environment that the day hospital offers. It's also easy to not appreciate its value when I'm there. One of the difficulties to be faced by patients is re-engaging with non-medical folk - the famous "Mr. and Mrs. Normal": the ones who read the lurid tabloid headlines. So having a halfway house of a place that's not the big hospital but is a shelter against the rougher aspects of society is helpful. That's how it's designed, anyway. Not everybody finds it useful.

Goat's cheeses. Does anybody know anything about goat's cheeses?

See you later. Alan.

May Madness

Well, it's been quite a week in this young psychiatric patient's life. Lots of personal relationship stuff. The journey back into �community� life is fraught with all sorts of snares and pitfalls. One of the most obvious is in how I get on with people in a friendly, personal way. That includes everybody: family, off-duty staff, old pals, the girl in the supermarket.... Some would say that I'm a bit sex mad. I certainly have travelled an immense distance in my understanding of myself in relation to others on that score. I used to be very hung up. But really, interpersonal relationships are so key to the whole recovery process that I have to make at least a passing mention.

OK, I'll shut up about that. How's things with you. Has spring finally sprung in your life? It's so important to learn to ride these waves that come past: to surf the moment. It takes patience and practice to get it right; but it's worthwhile when it happens. And, it's good therapy � lose some of that psychological flabbiness that builds up being out of the mainstream of society. I ain't the Arnie Schwarzeneger of North East Fife Association for Mental Health, but I'm getting better as I gradually mix in with folk and rub shoulders with the �normal� world. That sounds terrible. All I mean is that it's nice to be getting on with things.

See you next time. Alan.

Tuesday

I'm doing O.K. I think that now that things have settled a bit, I need to simply put the time in as regards making a life for myself. Start from where I am - that means going to the day hospital tomorrow. I'm back on track. The patient transport picks me up about 9am. Actually, tomorrow's a bit special because it's the day when we celebrate ten years of the Focus education service. That was set up between the local in-patient hospital and the further education college for the purposes of supported study and recreation. I go to the keep-fit session in the gym on Wednesday mornings and other folk do art, computing, health and beauty, numeracy and motor mechanics. It's tailored to suit people who are perhaps lacking in confidence or feeling left out of the mainstream syllabus. It's really just the sort of thing that needs to be done to keep improving the service provided by the hospital and in fact it's open to all who need a little help and encouragement to get on. It's true that when you've been ill, you don't tend to much feel like getting involved in social activities. It seems too much to deal with. So a friendly introduction is very appropriate. It's being held at the college around lunchtime - free buffet of course. And there aught to be a good crowd.

Still a long way to go for me. But I do see the light a-shining at the end of the tunnel. Alan.

Back

Hello again. I'm back from holiday. Nice time. It's very refreshing to get away and have a break in some friendly company. It's kind of a normal thing to do. That's one of the reasons that having one's freedom curtailed goes against the grain. Either in prison or in hospital. But with the medics, there really is a sense that it's for your own protection. Or at least, you get to realise that after a while. It's the old idea of sanctuary. I must admit that most folk are pretty horrified the first time around. In some ways, the shock of being admitted is part of the treatment. It kind of puts a stop to all the nonsense that's been going on before. Suddenly, everything becomes regular and generally inoffensive. It's a tough way of dealing with people in distress but I think it's not as unfair as it's often made out to be. After all, most people have had the experience of being made to go to school and it's kind of similar except you stay in after the doors are shut(!) Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good today. The sun has been shining brightly; summer is on it's way; and (if only) all's right with the world.

Schizo-affective disorder - it doesn't sound so bad once you get used to it. I still have mixed feelings about who I ought to talk to about it. This country's newspapers still run scare-mongering stories about axe-maniacs and horror situations. Of course for 99.9% of the time, as we all know, things go on quietly day by day. There's a lot of good which gets done imperceptibly over a long period of time. The backbone of the whole health service is probably patience. And innate trust that everyone is working for improvement, even though sometimes it seems like we have to go back a few steps to move on. Whatever, I hope things are good with you. See you soon, Alan.