March 30, 2004

Finding out

I want to share my last year with you, to let everyone know that even with all of the days you want to just give up, there is always some type of silver lining.
I want to share with you my journey into the unknown-trying to keep my head above water so that we both didn't go under.
I want to tell you about the love of my life Michael and how by the time I found out he was diagnosed with schiziphrenia-it was too late for me to go back. I was already in love with him. He was already a major part of life when THINGS started to happen. And the worst thing of all, was that the dillusions were focused around me. Not the CIA ,or terrorist or the television watching him, but of me cheating on him and sneaking around and having strangers in our house and doing unthinkable things with imaginary people. The only problem was is that to him IT WAS REAL. Every thought and face and voice he heard or saw or thought...and that was when I had to start learning whatever I could to make life go smoothly. That is not easy either. But I had to keep telling myself that "I can't be mad at someone who can't help what is wrong with them."
There's so many things I can't wait to share, how we made it this far. Surely not as far as some of you who have stayed put even after 20 or more years. But I won't leave. I won't let it ruin my life with him. And I hope what I share will help all of you with the questions that come with the questions.
I will be writing more soon
Hang in there

Posted by norm at March 30, 2004 03:25 PM


norm, you are very special- what a lucky guy Mike is... I have also 'talked' my brother down when the voices got so bad. He was going to walk into traffic and stop the cars passing by in the street. He was staring them down in the darkness, cursing at the headlights. His own eyes were the eyes of evil. He was consumed with hate.... but I talked him down and calmed him enough to come inside and talk it over. It was a marathon talk- four hours or more. Isn't it exhausting? When you yourself recover, don't you feel like telling someone that you've been to hell and back? I suppose it is the trauma of it all.... but he's better. He lives away from home now and he seems to be doing better. hope your MIchael is too.

Posted by: bluebird at April 9, 2004 01:28 AM

Thank you for sharing experiences, feelings, and ideas that can encourage others to do what is right for them . This kind of testimony is pricelessly valuable for other people.

Sincerely your,

Posted by: Cathy at April 15, 2004 02:21 PM

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