Silent Storms

Emotional Health: Focusing on the Good

There are many things to be grateful for.

I can see.

I can hear.

Those are the two senses I would be most lost without. Music and reading are my two favorite passtimes.

When living with a chronic condition such as us spouses have to deal with can drag a person down into negativity. This is evident from my last few blogs, I think. Often, receiving a daily positive thought in my inbox is enough, and sometimes it is not. Those are the times when it is most necessary to focus on the apparently receding goodness of life.

A good way to do this is through making lists.

One web site advises to make a list of 999 things to be grateful for. This will then attract even more goodness, because your attitude is open to being blessed. Spiritual wisdom suggests that negativity perpetuates negativity. I have experienced this myself.

Perhaps 999 is a bit ambitious to start with. The Positive Thought site on the other hand suggests to be grateful for two things daily. This is more managable, especially if you're feeling negative to begin with.

Here's an exercise:

1. Get a small notebook and a beautiful pen. Put these by your bedside.
2. Before getting out of bed in the morning, write down two things you're grateful for. These have to be two different things every morning.
3. Get out of bed and go through your day. When you're feeling negative, think about the two things you wrote down.
4. Carry your notebook with you. Stare at the words you wrote, and think about how you feel about these good things.
5. Do this until you feel better.

May all your sorrows turn to joy!

Addicted?

Things are better! Darling has taken a turn for the better just as I thought things were at their worst. This frequently happens.

Now I have to make very little effort to be happy.

The amount of emotional investment I have in this man is frightening. It gives him a great deal of power over me. Yet I stay. Willingly. I have the means to leave. But I do not.

So am I addicted? I think so.

Addiction is a hard thing to admit. Admitting to the devastating effect this has on your life is even harder. But as any pop-psychologist would say: this is the first step towards healing.

Healing for me does not entail leaving Darling. That is still unthinkable. But I do have to find a way to separate my emotions from his outbursts. Only then can I properly support him.

I think I've said before that I need to be healthy in order to be any use. Well, today I'm healthy again for the first time in very long. I need to look at my emotional health as well.

I'm rather good at giving advice, but not so good at following my own sage wisdom. This day then is a commitment to the new, healthy, emotionally stable me. Only then can I give any thought to a future with a man I'm obviously too hung up on to let go.

The last two blogs have been very personal. Hopefully next week I can dredge something universally useful from this.

Be well, all. Be well, self.

Down again and up again - have some coffee

Again. I must apologize. And thank you for all your kind comments and thoughts. My disasters no longer happen in threes. They have started happening in thousands.

A tad negative, I know. Especially for someone who is supposed to have it all figured out. I mean, that's what I started this for. To help people through my 10+ years of experience living with a person who doesn't always know how to respect me.

And there's the problem. Respect. We've had a very up and down week, Darling and I (hence the title), and I've been in bed three more days with a hearing problem that developed from my flu (this is better now, thank the Force and my doctor). But my problem is the respect, or rather lack thereof, that I have for Darling when he turns bad. This is the one area of our lives together where I still need work.

But maybe my problem is one of focus. Having had a negatively inclined disposition nearly since birth, it is very difficult for me to see any good in adversity. But the positive thought site I mentioned last time must have had some influence. Because I find myself thinking this like, well, at least he's not doing some of the other irritating things he used to. At least I'm better. At least I can hear. I can speak. I can write. I can walk. I still am.

And at least sometimes I'm totally in love. Some people never have that.

So I'm going to pour a cup of coffee now, and thank whatever forces rule my reality that I can taste and touch and feel. And that I have the intelligence to figure out how to make this work. The alternative is simply unthinkable.