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Good afternoon, today is Sunday, March 28, 2004 at 5:20pm. It is good to be back with you again after a very busy week. First of all, I would like to thank three persons, Diane, Chela and Nick for their very positive comments which were upbuilding to me. I am a very upbuilding person and I don't respond to sarcasm or negativity. I have enough negativity and hardship in my life and I refuse to give heed to it when I don't have to. I am on this site to help families and persons with schizophrenia and to share the experiences that I have with my father as well as my education which you will find under the title of the story. I am not on this site to tell persons what they want to hear and it really does not matter whether I receive comments or not as long as persons benefit from what they read. If it applies, that is good. If it does not, that is fine as well. Perhaps a marriage or a husband or wife story would apply to you. That is the beauty of the blog page. All of us are in differing circumstances. Again, I could be doing other things, as I am an extremely busy person, I am doing this for those who truly appreciate reading about schizophrenia, its symptoms and the situations that it causes, how their families and friends are affected and how they can be helped. I am not interested in losing my privileges of sharing my story on this site so I want to stay positive and encouraging.
My father and I are really having strained relations at this time which is causing me some additional stress. I recently decided to simply "let go." He is a very intelligent man, he knows what he is doing and I am not falling for the games. I called his therapist for "one last time" and the she is having the crisis team come out possibly tomorrow to make a home assessment to determine whether he needs hospitalization. Knowing my father, he needs hospitalization. The vocabulary of scandal, the people on the television looking at him, the odor that he can't get rid of, the taking of the shower, sending persons to the store, staying in the apartment, excessive amount of paranoia, someone's listening to the phone conversation, the puddle of water in the middle of the floor, and other forms of expression that he resorts to when he has been off of the meds for a significant amount of time has increased greatly. I simply cannot deal with him at this time. I cannot bear to even "look at him." He acts just like a child. I am not the parent; he is. So, he has made the choice that he is not going to take the medication; I have made the choice that I am not going to deal with him until he gets back on the meds on a regular basis so that I can deal with, reason with him and once again have a healthy relationship with him again. I will make sure that his brothers and sisters (my aunts and uncles) will help him. They can deal with him without their health being affected. Last year this time, perhaps I could have dealt with the matter; currently I am unable. I am spending the rest of the semester home because of a knee and hip injury and I am walking with the assistance of a cane. My blood pressure has elevated for a couple of days because I was stressed out ...No more. I lovingly thank my three college professors for allowing me to finish my assignments at home because they saw that for me to commute by train until May was going to be a bit much for me. So, even though I will be home, I will be occupied doing work for my Autobiography, Communications and Personality Psychology class. I will be going to the university four times in April to take exams and hand in remaining work. I do have the necessary discipline to sit at home at complete my college work. I refuse to let anyone or anything get in the way of the goals that I have set for myself at this point of my life, especially when persons have made their own choice and they are grown. I need the cane to walk, I have no one helping me, not one of my siblings so why should I stress over anyone else in this life? It is either me or another person. I am choosing me. My father has lived his life. And you no what else? He is going to get a blood test. Yes, there is a suspicion that there is a potential conflict because of the fact that there are young and scheming persons in the same independent living residence that are known to be ***** users. He is not going to know but I am going to ask the doctor to test him for *********. He is exhibiting signs, where is the money, the sniffing, the voice changes and the paranoia that goes beyond the usual paranoia of schizophrenia. I have no mentioned it to him, but I highly suspect **** use at this time. It is time to take care of matters. So, I am sure that tomorrow the Crisis Team will make the best decision. As for me, I serve God and He will help me deal with all matters, I release all situations to Him.
Just a thought on being positive-All of us can make it, if we are not being positive or don't know how to be, we can learn. If we are an optimist, we will have a healthy outlook on life. All of our statements can be positive, just hope for the best. I can, instead of I can't. I will, instead of I won't. Positive thinking takes practice. You have to do it everyday as often as possible whenever you can. By practicing positive thinking everyday, you create a state of mind where you are constantly positive.
Next time, we will talk about Positive Thinking and your Health. I will keep you updated as to the status of my father. I am not sure when I will post again. Always, remember, that Schizophrenia is the Brain Disease, not you or your family member. Until next time, take care, be well, have a wonderful and peaceful day! (daughterfirstborn45)Posted by at March 28, 2004 11:25 PM | TrackBack