July 28, 2004

Its the end of another work day. I am taking Wednesday off and working in a different job Thursday and Friday

Another busy day working as a tutor/student/teaching assistant ends and I feel great. It is the feeling one gets just before sleeping that one has a great idea or solved a difficult problem. This is a pattern of thought and confidence level of our thoughts that I read about in a guide book on sleep. Although for me this feeling is needed to refresh my mind I then stay up late to continue this feeling. I am doing that tonight. I will attempt a 30 hour day today and then sleep for up to 14 hours and then wake up for work on Thursday morning.

I know now why I write about work here. I was going to write about my work accomplishments in a journal to have a record of inch pebbles to show bosses. Instead by writing it on the web here I have reduced my personal security. I will try to keep my personal work accomplishments and tracking more in my pen and ink journal in the future and keep my school work stuff in my studies and more studies blog. In a way this is a therapised product. By speaking to our therapists about our life, then not having solid relations and boundries we speak of our life to almost anyone. This sometimes comes across as inappropriate conversations or being too personal. Also some of us have a related conversational problem that can be read as a poverty of thought symptom or sign. We repeat questions that authorities such as our parents or doctors ask us to our friends to make conversation. But because we are not our doctors or our parents we really don't have the same perspective or ability to hear our friends/consumer/survivors answers safely or appropriately. For me being on the receiving end of this is like the third degree from friends and sometimes requires lenghty explainations for people who don't understand some aspects of my life. But it all patterns of communication from real people. The phoney TV expression "we understand your problems" that occurs in sit-coms becomes people's actual spoken reality and it is a lie. Very few of us really understand more than a few people. Saying we understand someone's emotions is only a superficial nice thing to say and people still saying this often are ignorant of much of our human knowldge. Guess I am just becoming a middle age cynic.

Posted by petert at July 28, 2004 12:43 AM


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