October 05, 2005

End of day battles raging in my head and on-line.

I was working for about six hours in the past 16 hours. I am only on about a 20 hour day and going to sleep. The school work was not such a big problem and I did a good consistant job in my teaching last night. I also helped the paper carrier with his newspapers this morning.

But a few conflicts on line with racists(who were friendly up to this point in other words trusted) in support groups and also some mis-aimed gripping in my radical union have some battles raging in my mind at the moment. Also I am reading a fair amount of critical stuff about the Internet and trying to join these authors voices, but actually I am just jumping on a band wagon and not really letting my own voice speak. I have many undone tasks I could be doing at the computer. Maybe this cut back in school study hours will give me more time to get to some of these computer tasks.

Also re-entring music is to pick up the pieces of an emotional subject that in my background is a mine field of personality fights, demands and unmet expections that I have for working in music. I should be seeking serious musicians but I am not so sure that term serious musicians can be taken at face value. Some of the so called serious musicians I have know are seriously twisted people who don't seem to be able to maintain a real life. Serious is also a state of being emotional that is unhealthy for long periods of times and simply put an excuse for authoriatrian behaviour and often unchecked by social norms. Also musicians who have schizoprhenia have some horror stories of unsuccess and I have tried to steer a path of winning and avoiding conflicts or areas where success is less likely. But I only have my father's advise some times on issues. In some ways I should be paying more experts to advise me.

Posted by petert at October 5, 2005 08:49 AM


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