October 28, 2005

Temporarily insane.

There is this rule that the two main topics of delusions are Jesus(Allah, Budda) and the other Espionage. Because I have not been raised in a religion I am not too prone to religious delusions. But because I am ethnically connected to the former Soviet Union and the US-Canadian military elite I am very prone to delusions about espionage. I was extremely crazy and psychotic when the Berlin Wall fell and was hospitalised in 1990.

I am going to say that I am today slightly crazy this way again. So I am a person with schizophrenia in remission who is temporarily insane. I could say I was having a rough time or under the weather or high on nothing real or a bit out of sorts. But I am not one to complain. It is this study of anti-terrorism laws that is doing this too me. I am also playing a role playing game with military content which pushes this trajectory of thought. Yet while all these outside experiences are driving me crazy my degree actually supports my real chances of being a military intellegence officer.

Thus the real mixes with the delusional. My solution for this will be to not read about terrorism for a while. I will may be stop grooming myself as a security agent. I have ordered a tactical vest but I know I will look like quite a character wearing this vest about town. Yet who will challenge this as freakish? Will it often just be seen as the costume of a man of action? A sci-fi character at the 7-11? Some of my close friends actually support me dressing like this. In one of my jobs too I am required to dress in a uniform although I am not in anyway mandated to use force in this work. The tactical vest is not the most grotesque tactical vest but a simple professional fisherman's vest. The only other profession I have wanted a vest like this for was being a photographer. I lament the growth of the military in our culture. It certainly needs to be watched closely in my life for my mental health.

Posted by petert at October 28, 2005 05:28 AM


Hey Peter,

You study so much, dun u think u need a break. Take some time out man. Go for a vacation. Have fun, eat sweets, burn crackers and be a good child to your mum and not a brattish like you have been to some others. Take Care. god bless you. Peace Out.

Good Wishes

Posted by: vish at October 28, 2005 06:40 AM

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