November 16, 2006

Therapy for me has been my private journal for the past 7 or more years.

I have been keeping agenda books for my schedule since I had a lawyer for a crime in 1982. In this crime's trial I was freed because I was attending therapy and had a part-time job and part-time school so was a good young adult at the time. I was impressed by my lawyer's suit and her agenda book left an impression on me. In the past five years I have settled on an agenda book style that I buy at my old university bookstore. But private self awarness journals for therapy I really learned about while studying self help and getting therapy for drinking and drugging in the early 1990's. I did not follow exact directions from therapists but used their suggestions and developed my own style. I rebel from direct control by therapists and believe we take and leave whatever therapists say and work in our own best interests. I do not believe the Freudian idea or Jungian idea that our motives are hidden from us and that we somehow work in ways unknown to ourselves. I have basically been keeping an almost daily journal for all the time I have defined as schizophenic. This may prove some day to be a record of one schizophrenic's life much as this blog can now function that way before I die. I now archive my private journal in large binders and write it on normal school loose leaf paper in a large binder. I deal with private issues in this binder journal. I used to write a lot on overnight shifts when I worked as a security guard in empty buildings and had to sit at a desk for hours on end with out moving away from the desk. My boss allowed this activity. I feel very relaxed when writing in this journal. I find similar relaxation writing this blog. But as this blog most of my journal writing is mundane and would be quite boring for a reader but for me boring is good. Maintaining lower level of excitment is important in recovery. As some doctors call it a lower emotional level like being on an even keel is good news for those of us with schizophrenia.

Posted by petert at November 16, 2006 02:27 AM


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