November 27, 2007

It has been a long day so far and may become even longer tomorrow.

I did some fairly academic work at my job today. I won't go into detail. I also then came home and turned on Second Life and had a brief chat with some educators. No one there knew I had schizophrenia. Schizophrenia also did not come up at work but will tomorrow as we prepare at work for the International Day for Persons with Disabilities this coming Monday, December 3rd. I know many consumer survivors do not consider schizophrenia or depression or other labeled condition a disability but I do think of this this way. I am coming out and disclosing next week in the workplace although I will be labeled an invisible disability. My father thinks I should have waited until I had landed a permanent government job. But I am nearing late middle age and it is now time to stand up and be counted as someone with either a lot of bad luck or horrible disabling condition. Wish me luck on Monday!

It has already been a long day and I am seriously considering staying up late and then doing another long day tomorrow. I am living like a maniac with no sleep and thinking excited thoughts. I went to school this evening and programmed at a computer for about three hours with two other students who are originally from China, They are youngsters. The one programmer was very good at writing our code while I translated the mathematical algorithm into old school code and then she translated that in the latest computer language C#. We grew tired after three hours and will get back at this school project later this weekend. It was strange to be studying in middle age at school while these students are in their twenties and young enough to be my children. It is strange given the mis-perception of age effect in schizophrenia. I then went to the library and borrowed a slew of books for work. I began to focus on broader academic goals after and tried to focus after being hit with small waves of self doubt as I walked from the computer faculty building to the library. I also borrowed these books dreaming big as I often do. I then usually end up surfing the Internet which means a lot of reading and writing Internet pages and not doing the reading that would really help me and instead spending huge amounts of money on credit. So I plan to stay up and try to implement my dreams and focus on reading these work related books. Then it is work another day tomorrow. After work tomorrow our self help board meets then it is off to school for a class. I have my homework done already though. I know I can not stay up this whole, what would be 40 hours, so I am sure to nap in a few hours before work.

Posted by petert at November 27, 2007 11:59 PM


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