February 04, 2004


I had almost forgotten this song. It was the first song that had started communicating with me. The first song that was telling me the truth, guiding me towards the path when all the voices had started in my head. It's Zombie by the Cranberries...

Another head hangs lowly
Child is slowly taken
And if islands cause the silence
Who are we mistaking
But you see it's not me
It's not my family
In your head in your head
They are fighting

With their tanks and their bombs
and their bombs and their guns
In your head in your head they are crying...........

In your head...
In your head...
Zombie zombie zombie ei ei
What's in your head...
In your head...
Zombie, zombie, zombie ei, ei, ei , oh.....do,do,do,do,do,do,do,do

Another mother's breaking heart is taking over ... the violence causes silence
we must be mistaken
its the same old thing since 1916
in your head in your head
their still fighting
With their tanks and their bombs
and their bombs and their guns
In your head in your head they are dying...........

And slowly over the years, songs took over. There was anxiety, extreme anxiety. I had so much acidity for years not knowing why my tommy was paining. Even when I got to know, antacids hardly helped me, coz the tension was there all the time. My digestive system had been in a near shutdown all these years, resulting in constipation throughout. The anxiety slowly reaches the high where it gets difficult to breath, every breath you take increases the pain in your stomach, increases the feeling of anxiety up to the chest, every moment its difficult to breath, and then all you can do is lie down and think about breathing, trying to breathe, forgetting what it feels like to breathe, sleep deprivation and fatigue combined with it resulting in compounded fatigue, a chain reaction occurs, you can't sleep and it increases the anxiety, the breathing stops, you try to breathe, and all you can do is concentrate on breathing, trying to fight all the voices at the same time telling you to stop breathing and yet trying to concentrate on breathing, which further ups the anxiety, until a time comes when when you stop breathing, fatigued, a soul worn off over and over again, you faint, and sleep follows...that's how its been for me all these years, fainting off to sleep everyday, getting that little sleep for an hour or so until the nightmares wake me up again, palpitating, sweating, scared, confused, breathing fast and shallow, trying to suck in air that doesn't seem to exist...

But this has given me a lesson. This has shown me what sleep is, how important it is, what it feels like not to sleep for days together literally. I realized that the breath can control the mind, it can make emotions erupt into phantasmagorical proportions, all of it stops and you die, how long do you wait, how long can you wait...this also showed me the way to kill myself painlessly, strangulation, it numbs the mind, numbs the body, there is no sense of touch, there is no sense of pain, all you do is lie down and breath slowly, and slowly, and more slowly...

This has also shown me the way to get back up, to fight my own fears, fear itself can be cast away from my mind, all you have to do is breathe. And Art of Living has helped me do just that. It has shown me how to breathe, it has shown me what breathing feels like, how it can overcome the anxiety, how I can break the cycle, the chain reaction, how I can gain control even when they are fighting inside my head, after all, its all in the mind, and all that can be controlled by the breath. I have just started breathing, I have just started living, again...the fight, it has just begun!

Posted by puzli at February 4, 2004 02:19 PM


glad to hear it, keep trying

HEres a phrasei use as somewhat of a stress reliever

"When your going through hell, keep going."

ANd i thought tyhs would be of defintate interest to you, (and to about 2 milllion other people)

Its estimated that a cure, or at least highly effective treatment for the ositve, negative, and
cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia will be developed before the year 2013

So whe nyou fell hopeles think aobut where youl be 9 years from now...

Posted by: 42 at February 5, 2004 04:33 AM

Hi !
I logged on to this site after so many months and I was so happy to see your blog. I wondered if 'The Art of living' which you mention is related to the one run by the Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's foundation where the breathing technique of Sudarshan Kriya is taught.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar had come to Delhi over a year ago. There was a meeting at the Siri Fort Auditorium which was open to all. Generally I am very sceptical of men in robes, be it ochre or white. But a dear friend of mine had done thr Art of living and it had helped her. So I went. Sri Sri answered many questions. I asked him if Sudarshan Kriya helped people who had Schizophrenia. He thought for a while and said that they hadn't done any research but it definitely calms the mind.
I contacted the various centres in Delhi and they said the same.
Is it the same Art of Living? I would be grateful for the response. Thank you, survivor

Posted by: survivor at February 24, 2004 05:36 PM

hi survivor,
yes it is the same Art of Living by Sri Sri. Do read my post on Meditation if you plan to join the course.

take care

Posted by: sudeep at March 2, 2004 02:14 AM

hello i'm only 17 and i have extreme anxiety and i cant take take it i dont know what to do.I dont want the docter to put me on any drugs becasue i just got off drugs.i have been clean for 3 months and extreme anxiety is kicking in and its because of the weed i smoked weed for about 5 years and one day i just stopped till now and i'm going nut with this extreme anxiety i just dizzy i fell like i'm going to pass out I HATE IT!!!! p.s write back

Posted by: shaun at April 12, 2004 09:34 AM

hi shaun,
well i would recommend going to a doc and getting on some anti-anxiety pills and lowering them gradually so that the sudden stopping of weed that has caused the anxiety can be controlled. its harmless and will get the anxiety under control. the pills will eventually be stopped. if you still dont want to go to the doctor, try meditation or relaxing exercises like yoga, it will definitely help control the anxiety. (it helps me greatly. since i started meditating, i never had antiacids which i used to guzzle down due to my anxiety) trying keeping yourself fit by exercising. it helps reduce the anxiety and boosts the immune system.

hope that helps.
take care

Posted by: puzli at April 12, 2004 09:48 AM


I assure you that any anxiety syptoms will instantly disappear once you start practicing Sudarshan Kriya taught by Art of Living founded by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. I used to have panic attacks before but the Kriya has reduced their occurence by 99%. I am pretty much anxiety free now and I try to practice the Kriya almost everyday.

Good Luck,

Posted by: RMTT at August 26, 2004 07:05 AM

Hi i had a panic attack at work on friday, and now i am scared of going back, it is awful because it makes you feel like your going to die, or pass out i thought i had a brain tumor or something its terrible, but im going back to work tomorow and have booked an holiday to the carribean to releive tension, hopefully i will get over it very soon because its messing my head up do you think this will help me.

Posted by: John at August 31, 2005 07:40 PM

Hi, my name is sam and i'm gradually learning to control and even greatly reduce my anxiety. I use to try diaphragmatic breathing, by puting one hand on my chest and the other on my stomach. If the hand on your stomach moves and not your other hand then you are breathing correctly. Diaphragmatic breathing is very relaxing, but it didn't do much for me so, therefore, what i started doing was meditating. Not yoga because i'm not allowed to do that, but all i do is sit down no special posture or anything, and close my eyes. If you do this for 5 or more minutes it really calms your mind. I uesd to hear voices, and the voices were coming from the backyard right behind my window. They would just say my name and at first, i was afraid of them, they would especially do that when i would try to sleep or turn my head in the other direction away from the voices, they would start saying it louder. but earlier this year 2005, i stopped being afraid of the voices, the voices stopped, but for a while i heard a voice in my head still talkiing badly about people. The voices brought the anxiety and the anxiety brought on the voices. Good breathing techniques to do is pursed lip breathing for 10 or more minutes, how to do it? inhale through your nose, not deeply, then pucker your lips like you're going to whistle and breathe out of your mouth with puckerd lips. Do this for 10 or 20 minutes and it can reduce anxiety, I still hear a voice in my head saying things, but its gradually silencing since i started meditating. I'm no longer afraid of the voices and i don't get anxious much. The only thing that "makes me anxious" is the extreme heat all year around. But i'm still learning to fight the anxiety, i almost don't have anxiety any more, all do to meditating. Just be patient with meditating and your breathing, by the way pursed lip breathing, by doing that, you are actually controlling your breath! When your breathing is calm, your mind is calm. And try to practice positive thinking, there are websites that discuss this, as well as how to control your breathing to reduce anxiety. Regular exercise is also known to reduce anxiety because you're burning anxiety, and finally, when you excersise your body produces endorphins, which is something in your body that makes you feel good, i hope this helps you guys.

Posted by: HBK at November 5, 2005 12:13 AM

Social Anxiety is a potentially debilitating fear of social situations. It is generally considered to be the most common psychological problem, and encompasses a wide range of phobias and anxieties having to do with social situations. Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), if left untreated, can degenerate into worse psychological issues, like agoraphobia or substance abuse, as people try to deal with their issues through avoiding them.

Posted by: Anxiety Help Guide at January 27, 2006 09:02 AM

Hello All,

I have severe anxiety,like my day goes on with continuous thoughts which are unrelated,repetative thoughts which me crazy, often i tell my daily that my mind is going out of control,iam not not all happy, all the day thoughts flow and i lost my natural thinking(natural thought pattern), as soon as get up in the morning the thoughts flows in such a way that i will be watching whatever action i do, which is very very irritation, normally everybody has background thinking and parellaly they will be doing work but where as for me it's taking my attention to think on everythought, i feel whether these thoughts are coming on it's own or it's iam calling, i was never like this before but from past 1 1/2 year i got this anxiety due to insomnia, so is my condition very bad, what happened to me, iam not able to fight with this anxiety,planning to attend art of living classes, plz advice me. never i have taken medicines. whether i will be forget this millions of thoughts in mind which come evry sec, plz some one answer my msg,


Posted by: archana at July 19, 2006 10:08 AM

hello sir,

from past three years,i have been suffering from a mental disorder.... overactiveness of the mind,sheer anxiety.My mind is attacked by several thoughts,imaginations which leads to constant depression.I am not able to concentrate on my outer world as often i am engaged in inner thougts unconsiously.My age is 19.please recommend any solution.Should i take any medicine?

Posted by: deep darshan at August 17, 2006 05:38 AM

Post a comment

Please enter this code to enable your comment -
Remember Me?