August 02, 2004

My friend

I had a chat with my old school friend on the net today. I had believed in my past years that I was the chosen "one" and he knew about it and would help me out. Talking to him, I felt this great surge of excitement as I always do when talking to him. And as soon as I stopped talking to him, I crashed into a low, as I always do after I talk to him. This had been hounding me, I had been trying to find answers to why this happens. I'm not bipolar.

I realized that in my earlier days with him, I used to believe that he'll solve all my problems for me, he'll help me fight the "war". Only, I also believed that my parents were to blame for all my problems and they were trying to reduce me into this nothingness. I believed that "they" will never let me or anyone be "free". I realized that these thoughts came back to me when I was talking to my friend and I started getting excited talking to him as if I'm going to win the "war", but since nothing of that sort took place, and my parents were succeeding in gettin me "down", I went into a low as soon as I stopped talking to him.

So now I have to be careful either while talking to him or make a decision to stop talking to him altogether if I felt the same way. He was the coolest person in those days of mine, atleast I believed that. Now, he's a good guy, extremely intelligent and lively, but my own thoughts are betraying me. This is more because the stopping of clonazepam has brought back my hallucinations and nightmares.

Posted by puzli at August 2, 2004 05:11 PM | TrackBack


I also for years have gone through the thought of being the chosen one , a obsever from god , somehow to correct all the wrong in this world. I never had anyone to talk with and often got lost in my delusions , thinking there were some of us with this special gift this world couldent understand. It at times still is hard to tell what path is the right one. I can understand what you are going through , we just must keep fighting beyond what others understand. Good luck , you not alone.

Posted by: Dana Beitz at November 19, 2007 11:19 PM

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