August 28, 2004


I had lost my faith, faith in myself, faith in God, the supreme reality, the ultimate truth. I had lost it all...The voices were back and they were telling me to kill myself. I was paranoid. But now i'm back. I was selfish, the my friends made me realize that. Selfish because I was thinking only about myself, and not about them, with whom I am interconnected in this universe. The God of small things, thats who I am, thats who all of us are. The One holds the entirety, and the entirety holds the One in it. The small are part of the same whole. We are all tied up to everyone, the stones, the animals, the plants, the sun, the whole universe. I had lost my faith...

It is one of the only practices common amongst schizophrenics. Faith. Religion. Spirituality. Schizophrenics are amongst the strongest people on this earth. Living with a cleaved consciousness, we battle our own Self, something people don't even know how to do. And so we turn to faith, we turn to the practices that have been laid down years ago, and we know the Truth, we know how it feels like, we've all been there. My friend who has been into spirituality since the past decade couldn't relate to it better than me. We have the collective consciousness working 24/7. The world would be a better place if everyone got a taste of schizophrenia...and knew about it. I've been told to stop coming to this site and stop interacting with other fellow schizophrenics from a lot of my loved ones, for they believe it is detrimental to my health. But I go against their wishes. I know who I 'Am'. I know the spiritual truth that others don't even have a glimpse of. There are two places where one can go when playing around...where they concentrate on the lack of, and hence the "lack of" increases. The other way is the way of the enlightened. S/he shows love, while being dispassionate. S/he knows how to be the observer, and yet play around. The thoughts are viewed and acted upon, but never does the One flow with them. I try never to let the people around me, the actions around me, the thoughts in me take over me ( the practice of the one on the path), for our purpose to help the others on their path to enlightenment, we stray away from and become in need of it (the truth) ourselves.

The one who needs it doesn't use it, and the one who has it doesn't need it. Life plays under the realm of the yin and yang...

Posted by puzli at August 28, 2004 11:13 AM | TrackBack


puzli, in the short while I have been here you have quickly become one of my favorite people here because you always speak the truth. The truth will continue to give you strength as it will for all of us who seek it.

Posted by: endthis at August 29, 2004 12:12 AM

puzli , i know what you are talking , though I'm not religious very much i've gone through the same thing and i'm going through it. It's amazing how similar are our experiences. Our thoughts our fears are the impediments to us being free. As the time goes by i discover that i'm really becoming more aware of me and the world around me though this is oppose to the very nature of ur illness and i'm neve sure 100% for anything

Posted by: John at August 30, 2004 08:42 AM

i came across these posts while looking up a strange catatonic experience i had. i found my answer here:

puzli, you speak of the collective unconscious.. and know alot about spiritual states. i was wondering if you've listened to any music by Tool? their music/lyrics have been a positive source of inspiration for me.. maybe you should check them out.

Posted by: Jobe at August 31, 2004 09:15 AM

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