September 02, 2004

Paranoia again...

It is exhausting...this effort to write, to speak, when all I want to do is lie down, do nothing, i'm tired. If i speak, i get paranoid. This lack of motivation is so strong that i have stopped brushing my teeth, stopped taking a bath...i force myself to...and now that this asshole came and I had to talk to him, trying to seem all normal, the paranoia gnawing its way through the surface, it comes back, hits with the force of a running elephant, it comes out with even more of its vile characteristics, and all the time, the past 3 days that it took to bring the paranoia under control are down the drain, i'm back where i began...i'm tired now...all the make believe world of the normal make me scream silently, like many of us, we are bound by it, dead and broken...

Posted by puzli at September 2, 2004 03:41 PM | TrackBack


I often do not speak for the same reason.

Posted by: endthis at September 3, 2004 12:41 PM

Hi Puzli, I am watching & feeling ur comments for long time. I never met so strong person like U. never feel like controlled by ur sickness. U are stronger than it. i can understand the situation but still U are stronger than ....................
take care

Posted by: Nick at September 5, 2004 04:36 PM

thanks!! I truly appreciate all your comments! take care. love. puzli

Posted by: puzli at September 6, 2004 08:28 AM

Puzli, I was reading several of your entries today. My 17 year old son has schizophrenia. He is doing awsomely well since just last May when hospitalized. I wish I know how to help him, if he would evern be able to live a "normal" existence... etc...

He passed his GED this summer and got a part time job, he got his Drivers license, and he is beginning his 4th week of night school. Unfortunately, one of his classes appears too much. I think we will have to drop this one. He get overwhelmed and cannot think, cannot function, locks up, melts down, and retreats to paranoia...

Thank you for writing here, it is helpful to read about your experiences and relate to my David's.

I also have a Blog

God Bless, Betty Jo

Posted by: BettyJo at September 14, 2004 10:23 PM

Dear Puzli,
I have followed your blog entries with much interest and compassion. You are always so touchingly gracious in your comments to others, yet I am beginning to sense a feeling of hopelessness in you that was not as striking in your earlier blogs. You, who are so sensitive and kind to others, must try to treat yourself the same way. You deserve better. Allow yourself to believe that you are the special young man I know you to be. Take a deep breath, stretch out your arms, embrace yourself and the world, and smile. Your soul will sing again.
Sincerely, a caring friend

Posted by: Paula Kirkpatrick at September 19, 2004 09:35 PM

hi paula,
thats why i'm taking a break from posting on the site. i'm recuperating and am much happier now. my doc had taken me off my antidepressants and thats why i had spiralled back into depression. i'm back on the antidepressants now and feeling much better. thank you. take puzli

Posted by: puzli at September 23, 2004 01:52 PM

Dear Puzli,
I just happened to visit your site to see if all was well with you. Much to my delight, you had, in your usual thoughtful manner, thanked me for my comment. I rejoice that you are feeling better. Enjoy the feeling of no pressure or "have-to's". Don't begin to write again until you truly want to do so. You are a fine young man. I admire your strength and tenacity.

Posted by: Paula Kirkpatrick at October 13, 2004 06:45 PM

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