September 08, 2004


"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel,and you have gone deep into it" from a Course in Miracles.
We are more afraid of life than we are of death.
And this is how I feel exactly.Iam paralysed by self loathing.Turned inwards it has become a personal hell of obsessions,compulsions,depression,illness,anger, frustration.
The painful thoughts are my personal demons.
Knowing the familiar patterns,being able to verbalize these, is but the first step,it doesnt help pull me out of my personal hell.
Time and again the demons return..
And then I ask for a miracle and do not hesitate to say 'God please help me'

Posted by Monica at September 8, 2004 07:43 AM | TrackBack


Dear Monica, It's tough, very tough One can understand but you cannot be afraid of life as long as u are living.Face it with the same courage that u have been having all this while. You pulled through tougher moments when u had to take care of someone else who was probably in a much more vulnerable state than now. Remember? Now things do seem to be looking up and u are probably having the time to wander , What is all this and Why? Who am I and What for? Perfectly natural questions and essential too. U had totally forgotten urself in the past when u were passing through day and night like a robot. Now u are living more normally and that is why u are going through these questions. Look at the silver lining! There is someone up ther who wants to u to give urself due attension. So go ahead, spoil urself to an extent that it energizes u. There is still ur son who needs u, who is better because u were always there and who is there for u whenever u need him. And there are others too who are always there apart from the ONE up ther taking care all the time !

Posted by: sister at September 10, 2004 05:34 PM

I share sister's views totally.

Posted by: nick at September 14, 2004 04:33 PM

These postings are amazing, the 'hell' one voices the bad sz times better than i ever have, which i actually find healing rather than anything else.
The most important thing i know with sz is to be totally stuborn and not care whether all hell is breaking loose or wether you are there; because you've done your best and sure arn't giving up cos you know its your life and your trying to make it better. And of course always have a sense of humour (laugh kindly in the face of it out of shere stuborness)!.
Anyway love the deep articles.

Posted by: dighton at June 15, 2005 03:04 AM

please do not give up, its ok to cry, its okay to laugh,its ok to be discouraged at times, just dont stay discourage, have your cry, continue to say HELP to the LORD, He always comes through, He truly is the only One Who really understand how any of us feel. I used to be upset and envious of young men my sons age going about their lives, college, marriage, etc., then I asked God for forgiveness and to give me aheart of gratitude for these young men not having to go through the anguish my son does and to be happy for them. God has a plan for you and your son. True success is not what the world calls success, remember that.Gods Grace is Sufficient and your son and you are important to Him, He loves you both. Keep Your Eyes on Jesus even in the midst of your crying, He has all your tears in a bottle and understands, Please dont give up. I'd like to share this poem with you that I belive God gave me one day when I was so discouraged' Some say he's weird, others say a bum, kick him out they say, But, I say, he is my son. Keep crying out to the Lord.Your friend in Christ

Posted by: phillis mullennex at April 15, 2007 06:30 AM

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