I JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO AND I KNOW WHAT U R GOING THRU I ALSO TAKE CARE OF MY HUBBY AND I SUFFER SOME OF THE EXACT SAME HURTFUL THINGS I REAALY WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FRIEND AND SOMEONE FOR SUPPORT WHO KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING THRU. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ON HERE ONE ON ONE OR IN A GROUP. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME ANYTIME
Posted by: TANYA at May 18, 2004 02:56 PM
I NEED A FRIEND MY NAME IS TANYA AND I CARE FOR MY HUSBAND AND HE CURRENTLY TAKES ADDERALL AND RISPERDAL AND DEPAKOTE ITS HARD TO DEAL WITH THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS BUT WHAT DO U DO IF YOU LOVE THEM LIKE I LOVE MY HUBBY
Posted by: TANYA at May 18, 2004 03:01 PM
my husband takes seroquil,risperdal,and effexor.I would hate it if he had to change meds.My heart goes out to you and I wish you luck.My husband is sz also.
Posted by: Mandy at May 18, 2004 10:30 PM
my husband is currently taking risperdal and paxil. I was thinking aobut talking to the doctor about trying Seroquel because I have read some good things on this site. Any comments?
Posted by: JeanL at May 19, 2004 09:24 PM
hello, my hubby has suffered with sz since 1999. he was treated in 2001 but we both were in denial and he stopped. I have lived with this until now. after a violent episode he was incarcerated and now he's getting treatment. Abilify and ativan(for anxiety)are his meds. This is rough. Im a nurse and I never thought this could happen in my life. I have no one to relate with. Deperately need someone to talk with. Looking for a support group. Although I am no longer in denial. My hubby is and it's so hard because his emotions are strange. He never says he loves me and he doesn't seem to care. Maybe this hospitalization will make the difference now.
Posted by: Micki at May 29, 2004 09:46 AM
I just read all of the articles in your site and I want to thank you. I have been married to a sz man for 6 years and have 2 small children. All of the thoughts that you have had and reactions justify all of mine. Your site is like a big hug of acceptance for those of us who feel we can not cope one minute longer. Again thanks for taking the time and the energy to share your days with us.
Posted by: Amy at May 29, 2004 08:59 PM
I was married for almost 35 years and separated on July 1, 1999.
My spouse was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1978. We went through hell, he was quite a handful, numerous hospitalizations, running away, numerous antipsychotics, benzo's and anti-depressants. He suffered from severe side-effects. He also failed in two suicide attempts, one of which he was in intensive care.
He was physically and verbally/emotional cruel and abusive, not only with me, but also with our daughter. He thought that we were both too sensitive and therefore had to toughen us up for this cruel world. Our daughter ran away as a teen and I couldn't find her for 3 weeks!
What didn't help were the accusations from my in-laws who blamed me for his illness. Hence no support.
I felt so alone AND lonely, because as time past, he didn't even want to talk with me anymore, no affection. I felt the pain of wanting so desperately a kiss coming from HIM, that he would give some sign that he loved me. I felt rejected, he never told me that he loved me. He didn't give any compliments, because "it would go to your head". I didn't want to upset him in any way so I walked on eggshells for most of those 20+ years. I couldn't show or talk about my feelings, so I hid them until I didn't even know anymore what I felt. I just felt like one big hurt. Anything said or done could trigger a rage in him. I apologized so often to strangers about his ranting and raving. Yet I knew that all this wasn't him, because I had known him better, at least as far as I remembered. I lost my husband to a terrible illness and couldn't even grieve, just like other people do when they lose their spouse by death of the body.
In 1996, I got major depression and yet had to work because I was the breadwinner. After a few years, I couldn't work anymore.
I had only 2 feelings at that time in 1998. Pain and the feeling that I had to survive. Marriage counseling didn't work because he felt there was nothing wrong with our marriage, eventhough I told him already before what I needed from him. (just a kiss or a hug once in a while)
Since our separation in 1999, we are still in contact, he is on my insurance, I do his paper work and comes over once in a while. He calls often, but that's okay. I just cannot live with him anymore. Strangely enough, since our separation, he has told me a few times that he loves me. I know that he wants to come back to live with me again, but I cannot go through the whole thing over again.
Some time ago, I adopted a cat and I am more at peace now that I have been in most of my life.
That's a part of my story.
Posted by: Elisa at July 17, 2004 10:28 PM
Oh my!!! Each of you has described my life with a bipolar/schiz husband. The denial stage is long gone, just trying to deal with the man and the disorder. He is on depakote & risperdal going 3.5 years. There was noticeable improvement after beginning meds. Then about 2 years into it, he has become increasingly violent. He has never been able to hold down jobs; he cannot maintain focus. This morning he tried to jump out of the car at 50 mph because I asked if he could just wait until we got home to smoke. Any suggestions or knowledge of new meds welcome. Thank you...
Posted by: Kelly at August 26, 2004 05:05 PM
This site has helped my feelings of loneliness. My husband was diagnosed bipolar type I three years ago. He is on his 4th hospitalization in 3 years. He has delusions hallucinations and can be very cruel and unkind. After all of my research I am not totally convinced that bipolar type I is the right diagnosis. He is pretty much a classic schizophrenic. Every "manic" phase involves delusions, hallucinations and sometimes catatonia (SP?). I have three small children and I am very tired. I want to leave and get out. I don't think that I can take on this role anymore. I want to know that these feelings aren't abnormal. My kids and I long for a stable life, which he has proven time and again he cannot give us.
Posted by: Mindy at August 16, 2005 06:34 AM
I have been married for ten years and have three children and my spouse is manic depressive. I recently left my husband but we are now living together trying to work things out. I truly did not want to work things out as I am so much more relaxed when my spouse is not around. This disease has taken its toll on me as I have always tried to be one step ahead of my spouse to keep him calm and tried to manage an entire household and take 110% of the care of our children. I finally think it hit me that his illness would always be the center of our life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and still had to do everything for him and the kids. He could not relieve me of any responsbilities. Doing homework at the kitchen table with the two kids and being sick as a dog from the chemo and him coming home late from work and me being mad and not understanding why he could not come home and help me and me telling him I needed help and him saying I should have called his mother tore me up inside. I had his back threw all his rough times why didn't he have mine. My therapist says I have always been trying to manage his illness but it is not my job. It is hard not to do because I hate when he is manic and I hate when he is depressed and now it is even worse because I had to open new stresses by leaving him and he is losing it because he doesn't want me to leave him. I know noone who lives with someone with this disease so going on this web site makes me feel like someone could understand how I would want to leave my husband. I used to love him but the pain mentally not physically really damaged my feelings for him. I feel bad because he is sick but I am tired of everything being excused because he is sick. It still hurts his words are horrible and so are many of his actions. Many times he is not in control. I want him to be in control.
Posted by: stephanie at November 18, 2005 04:07 AM
I am presently takeing seroquel as well as other meds for my mental problems.I have been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder.I desperatly need friends.I understand what you are going thru with your loved ones because I myself have put mine thru hell but please understand that alot of times the person you love has no control over what they say or how they treat you they really do love you underneath it all and the one place I have found the most help is my local mental health.The services are usually free and they are great people.If anyone wants to talk I sure could use some friends. mary
Posted by: mary at November 30, 2005 02:45 AM
I had been married for 4 months when my husband who is a commercial fisherman came back early from his most recent trip claiming I had medical problems. He was an entirely different person than the man I married. Angry, and confrontational, he would get mad at me for "not paying attention when he was talking" or nat keeping the house clean enough. He admitted to having anger issues but would say it was my fault. He then started to indirectly threaten our friends, refused to work and would take my bank cards in the middle of the night and spend money on god knows what. I had enough when I can home one night to find all of my checks gone and having endured 1-1/2 months of disturbing/somewhat threatening notes every day. I have been staying with friends now for almost 2 months, gotten a restraining order and filed for divorce. I don't know what else to do. I think he is either bipolar 1 with psychotic episodes or schizophrenic but not diagnosed and he refuses help. I would appreciate any feedback and/or support.
Posted by: Margo at December 17, 2005 05:00 AM
I married a man over a year ago now that I have known for over 30 years. I had just never lived with him until we married. Now I want to run away and probably will soon as his bipolar disease has made me not like him anymore. I still love him, but I don't have any sexual feelings for him or want to go on helping him through this life. He would be better off with his parents. I feel cruel and shallow, but I have over the course of one year gotten so depressed from his severe mood swings and the never knowing what type of day its going to be each morning when I go to work. I have been supporting us for the last year and I see that as an ongoing thing too. It repulses me that a 42-year-old man cannot help his wife support a household and doesn't work and sits home all day. Especially when over and over it was expressed that he would "take care of me" and he couldn't wait to have children...etc. Only to find out in the end that he is incapable of taking care of anyone, even himself and I would never even think of bringing a child of his into this world with him. Hell, the child could also be born with it!
If I am selfish, so be it. I cannot or will not take this abuse anymore. And he is in a doctor care, taking his meds every day! It is an asshole syndrome and I refuse to be treated bad by an asshole with a "syndrome" called "bipolar".
Posted by: shelly at May 13, 2006 06:47 PM
Thats the problem isnt it. Although "it's the illness" whatever the cause, the end result is that someone is treating you like s**t and abusing you. I often think I am also menatlly ill to love someone who treats me this way, specially when I see him being nice to other people. It makes me feel so worthless. I wish Id never met him.
Posted by: Ayashe at June 7, 2006 06:08 PM
my husband is bipolar and he has been mixing his meds with alcohol. i dont know what to do... i cant watch him 24 hours a day. his meds arent working and he is very withdrawn from his family and depressed. this is all new to me. its only been two months since his diagnosis. we have a nine month old daughter. he lies to me about his alcohol consumption, but i can clearly tell a personality difference. we live very far away from family. should i even get family involved?
Posted by: val at June 25, 2006 11:56 PM
My husband has bipolar & OCD and I want to leave him, even though I do still love him. But, the pain that his actions have caused is really just unforgivable. Our little girl got brain cancer and one month later he couldn't be reached and stopped showing me any affection. I found out about a year later that all the time that I was in children's hospital with my daughter, he was having an affair with an illegal woman that was living in an apartment behind his job. It was the worst time of my life!!!
I have no family, so I was in a living hell! He would say that he was coming home and wouldn't show up for 4 or 5 days. He brought her a phone just so that her poor, broke, ass could talk to him. I'd be driving my 2 other boys to school in the morning and there would be daddy's car parked at the local hotel.
It's been about a year now since that long episode ended but I still cry. I can't get over it and I want to leave, but I have no family to stay with and since I've only been a house wife I have no work skills, I live in CA, so I'd be homeless, if not starving, if I left him. I have 3 special needs kids: one with brain cancer (she's doing great!) one with learing dis. and one with Autism. So you know that I need that occational 2nd pair of hands because I am alone in ALL OF THIS! We've been together for 20 years, married for 12. I am trapped! I have nothing but pain and now I fear that I might be falling into depression...
Nice life, huh?
Posted by: Paris at July 21, 2006 08:50 AM
My husband is bipolar. He brags about taking sub-theraputic levels of lithium and insists his problem is anxiety, which he takes klonopin for. He is extremely critical, verbally and emotionally abusive, erratic and embarrassing. When I confront him about it, he tells me I'm crazy. His is well-educated, makes good money, attractive, can hold a job, but is an emotional terrorist. He is at his meanest when I was at my most vulnerable: pregnant, sick, dealing with a family crisis, or just very busy; or during holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. His relationships with friends and family are falling apart. I have tiptoed around his moods for years, trying to anticipate what might set him off, trying to accommodate his demands to make him happy. It never works. He has told me he has never loved me, is not attracted to me, and when this marriage is over, will never marry again. When I suggest separating he goes nuts, starts crying, threatens to take the kids from me (in the most vile, vulgar language). He is baffled that I am no longer sleeping with him and that there is no intimacy in our marriage.
He has been going to prostitutes, having cybersex, assuming a different identity online, and sending live video of himself masturbating to his cyber partners. He constantly on the computer, not only the porn sites, but political sites and insists on watching the gruesome images of beheadings and other garbage that does nothing constructive for his state of mind. He refuses to go to marriage counseling because he says he felt under attack at the one and only session we went to. When I try to talk about our problems, he insists that I need to get over it, and uses language that implies I am the one who is mentally ill: tells me I am "relapsing", I need to "get better", I'm "broken". After the infidelity came to light, he immediately began moving around large amounts of money - all of if legit, but also began pressing for a huge remodeling project. With our marriage on the rocks I didn't want to get into a big financial committment, but he accused me of holding him "hostage". I feel that I have made allowances for his "disease" to the point where I have compromised my values and lowered my standards to unacceptable levels. His power over me had been secrecy (my family and our friends don't know about his mental illness but it is becoming increasingly hard to explain away) and the fact that his rotten behavior has been too humiliating to me to tell anyone else about. I have recently "called his bluff", told him he needs to see a shrink and adjust his meds, told his mother, in front of him, about all his screwed up behavior - ALL of it. It's amazing how quickly his behavior changed - literally overnight - which leads me to believe that he has more control over it than he has lead on. I am staying with him because the kids love him and I don't want to potentially awaken any dormant mental illness in them by tearing apart their emotional stability, and I feel that I have more control over how my kids are raised by staying with him. I also don't know if he would become suicidal. I don't love him anymore and try not to think of the future because it is just too bleak. He will never get better and will never be an emotionally supportive, or even a respectful partner. I feel like everything I do in life - raising kids, working, maintaining relationships with others - I do with a huge weight around my neck. Thnks for listening. This is the first time I have actually acknowledged all of this to anyone else.
Posted by: Chris at August 31, 2006 09:24 PM
I just stumbled on this web site thank God. Just found out the man I'm living with was diagnosed as manic depressive...he is scaring me half to death with his driving, his mood swings, spending all the money, doesn't sleep, plays guitar, or is on the phone suing somebody! HELP!!! I do not know what to do, I can't live with this person anymore, he isn't working, he is becoming unbearably controlling and delusional and thinks all the chaos and problems are MY FAULT.
Pam in Texas
any help from anyone is deeply appreciated!
Posted by: pam at September 4, 2006 04:54 AM
Relationships are hard enough without the spectre of mental illness to deal with. No amount of love and understanding will cure your partner and if I had to do it all again, I would not choose to marry my husband. If you can, make a life for yourself - without your partner. Over time, his behavior will wear you down and cause you to doubt yourself. I know that it's an illness that no one has asked for or caused, but you will ultimately sacrifice your emotional well-bing for nothing.
Posted by: chris at September 5, 2006 05:54 PM
don't know where to begin. my hubby of 9 years walked out on me. He bought a new car, a new house, and starting running up a lot of debt. He announced he no longer wanted to be married and just wanted to be alone. He was recently diagnosed with BP but says that has nothing to do with him wanting a divorce. I am so stressed out by him and all he has done and continues to do but even worse is how I feel about myself for still loving a man who treats me like I am nothing. I don't even know how to feel because I don't know what is the BP talking or what is really him and how he feels. I am a Christian so morally I am very unsure of how to handle this situation. any advice or similiar stories to share????
Posted by: hurtbuthopeful at September 15, 2006 06:10 AM
Hi everyone, this is my first time to find and post on this support site. I have read through so many similar situations such as mine and am thankful for this outlet where I can reach out for people who can really understand what living with a bipolar spouse is like. I know some of you can offer me your words of comfort and/or advice.
I am a married mother of 2 young children who loves my husband very much. We have been married 10 years and 4 years ago I started noticing significant changes in my husband's personality and behaviour patterns which began to cause constant chaos in our normally loving home, and hurt and confuse both our children and myself. Trying to be as strong as possible for all of us, I finally convinced him to seek therapy with me to see what the problem was. Long story short, after seeing a psychotherapist and psychiatrist, my hubbie received the diagnosis of BP II with ADHD. We also learned that he suffered from obstructive sleep apnea. This has been anything but easy, but because we are both committed to our relationship and love eachother, have 2 wonderful young children and I am a Christian who believes in my marriage vows, I chose to stay by his side and be as supportive as possible, even though his hurtful behaviour and words have wounded me and continued for a long while until he finally started taking meds. I feel the meds have helped and been a lifesaver, however he has also had ups and downs with depression and lack of restful sleep from the apnea, even though that is being treated as well, and he still has mood swings and racing thoughts where he says very hurtful things and distorts all of our conversations. Honestly, he doesn't appear to hear anything I say to him, the dr has told me this is because his ‘mind is racing’ so he can’t concentrate on what is being said. He is not happy in his job and this adds to it I am sure. To be fair, I should point out that there has been improvement since the meds (thank goodness) and things are more under control for a larger % of the time. My husband is a good person with a good heart who loves his family, but this illness really makes me not like him sometimes. At other times, I remember why I love him. I find that this constant emotional roller coaster is really wearing on me and I am tired. I am an upbeat, social, optimistic person who loves life and my family, my husband tends to be more reclusive, negative and down on all his problems, even though he vascillates and can be more upbeat or nice to be around, and he is a great father. I worry about the way my children are perceiving his changes in behaviour and try to shield them from it the best I can by redirecting them. I am interested to know how some of you have explained this illness to your children so they do not think that these episodes are normal behaviour. I feel you have to be almost a superhero-strong person to live with a bipolar spouse, with the unpredictability and constant struggle that person is facing, in addition to the struggle it creates for the people around them who love them. Because I have kept this private and don't feel comfortable sharing these struggles with our family & friends, I really need some support because I feel isolated not being able to talk with anyone about what goes on, with the exception of a therapist. My husband distorts conversations regularly and feels everyone else is the one with the problem, not him. It is very very difficult to communicate or resolve anything with someone like this. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around him most of the time and regardless of our long talks on this illness where he seems to accept it and I tell him I love him and am here for him for support, he still thinks that it's everyone else's problem but his own (or at least that is what he says). He thinks his therapist, doctors, me...everyone is 'against' him and doesn't know what they are talking about and are making everything up. We go for weeks and weeks where everything is fine, but there are always setbacks when he goes through these mood changes and depressive changes or he is feeling extra stress, or when I try to talk to him about normal, everyday issues that need to be addressed. There have been times I have considered leaving him but I think of our children and that he is trying by taking his meds and trying to work through some of these issues and I realize that no marriage is perfect and there is always work involved, I feel the BP & ADHD adds an extra element of challenge. It is hard to live like this, and harder to try to explain the behaviour to your children who are looking at their parents for examples on how to behave. It is important to me to keep our family together, our children are very attached to both of us and I do not want to put them through a separation that will affect them for the rest of their lives. I read and educate myself so much on this illness and I try to understand the best ways to react and deal with it, but so much of the reaction seems to be for the non-BP spouse to ignore or minimize what is really going on, which is inappropriate and hurtful behaviour. To not "bother" your BP spouse if they are cycling or seem down, or to not ask them what is wrong or if you can help, this just isn't a normal reaction for someone who cares. I know the importance of needing to be able to communicate openly about these struggles with your spouse, so what if your spouse accepts the illness part of the time, and then says everyone else is nuts that there is nothing wrong with him the other half of the time? It's OK for him to talk about it, but he does not want me to mention his behaviour if it is inappropriate or I am 'downing' him for his illness, even though he knows how supportive and patient I have been. I fear that if he has this mentality that the most supportive people to him are 'down on him' even after you explain that he is misinterpreting, he believes what he distorts and eventually it will eat away at him and he will just believe that no one cares and why not take off. He is a person who already has himself believing that he has nothing to offer (when he has lots to offer) and that I have always wanted to leave him, when I have repeatedly told him that is ridiculous. Maybe I need to be educated more on how to handle a bipolar spouse when he is having mood swings, distorting conversations, unfairly accusing me of things I do not say, and acting out in front of the children. These episodes frequently end up with me crying and feeling emotionally battered (which I also do not want the children to see) and trying to talk some sense into him, when he casually will just tell me if he can’t “be himself”, we should just end things. Then the next day he is telling me he loves me and that I have always wanted to leave him, he doesn’t want to leave me and I would be responsible for breaking up our family if I left. I can only imagine what the children are thinking when they hear parts of these weird and scary conversations. How can I protect them from this?
Posted by: T. Simpson at September 19, 2006 06:33 PM
I was married to a bi-polar for only a few years, didn't know it when I became pregnant. He wouldn't stay on his meds; was violent (arrested and charged w/domestic violence), 911 calls common; emotionally abusive to myself and my child. Refused to even look at our child much less have anything to do with him. Accused me of sleeping w/every car that drove <25mph past our house-threatened to burn the house down, suicidal, walked around with blood dripping from his hands, cut himself; put a gun in his mouth infront of our child, tried to leap from the car at 60 mph, holidays were a nightmare...one Christmas he wouldn't speak to me and then berated me for going to my family's house and leaving him alone when he refused to accompany us; hospitalized many times, accused me of being in cahoots with his doctors and said we were trying to kill him; on disability, hallucinated, put us into extreme financial hardship with his obsessive buying - I hear all you women and you are being abused and choosing to be abused by staying. Ultimately though it is your children that will suffer the most...if they have bi-polar tendancies they are more likely to become bi-polar after living with one and learning their behavior. After I left my son spit at people he saw, is abusive to everyone and is 'never happy, always sad and angry'. He's having difficulty controling himself at school and home. I did him a HUGE diservice by trying to stay with his father and 'care for him while he was sick because I loved him and wanted to be a christian and a good person...'and allowing him to be in this abusive environment. If I had to do it all over again I would have left him 3 days after I came home with a new baby and he threatened to leave me and abused me infront of my mother. Life is precious. They will find someone else to abuse. Mine did, twice and I'm sure he's working on the next one right now.
Posted by: truthful at October 24, 2006 07:52 PM
I have been married for 3 1/2 years. When we first met, it was the works, after a few months of talking on the phone long distance, he left everything behind in Texas and moved to California, just to see if we could have a future together. We were married within 7 months. It was a whirlwind experience. He promised to take care of me and my two children, whose father also has bi-polar. Since we've been married he has displayed manic and depressed moods. I've always known something was wrong, but I thought it was just that he lacked real feelings for me. I've tried to make him happy by giving into his crazy wishes. We moved to Arizona because he said this would make him happy. He was diagnosed with Cyclothymia over a month ago, and it has been hell on earth experience. He is now contimplating on leaving me and the kids to go back to Texas, so he can re-kindle a relationship with his adult sons. It makes no sense I left my first husband when my youngest son was only 2 months old. This way my child would not have to endure the pain of loosing his dad like my older child has experienced. When we married my youngest was 1 year old. He toys with me. He's posting his resume and waiting for someone to hire him so he can leave. One day he's confident he's leaving and then next he's not sure. He's tormented every day and so am I. It's driving me insane. I already went through 8 years of hell with my previous bi-polar husband, and now 4 years with him, which makes a whopping 12 years of pain and sadness. The good news is he is going to counceling regularly and is taking his medication. I just hope the medication works. It is almost too much to bear. I'm so scared to loose him, but at the same time don't want to live life in torment either. How could I pick two guys with bi-polar with all the men in the world?
Posted by: M. Spivey at October 30, 2006 03:22 AM
I'm 20 yr old male, my girlfriend and I are planning on getting married, we have 1 child and live together, she recently has been placed on lithium, I need some advice, lately it seems her bipolar is putting me to my wits end, I don't know if I can marry her. I don't know if I am strong enough to take care of her, it's not so bad that she can't work, It's just the constant mental roller coaster has me becoming depressed. I fear I will end up hating her if we stay together and I don't want that for my child. any advice welcome
----thanks, a tired teen dad.
Posted by: Steve E at November 7, 2006 10:01 PM
My husband and I dated all through college, and married when we were 25. He was the outgoing, fun one. I was the socially awkward, reclusive one. When we started dating - if you can call it dating - I thought that he was amazing. Against friends' and family advice, I married him 7 years later. We have been married for 6.5 years now. I should have known something was wrong in college. I tried to break up with him once, and he threw chairs around a room to show me how upset he was with the thought that I wanted to end the relationship. He seemed to love me so much - how could I want to end it? This, despite his almost weekly soliloquies evaluating the merits of him staying in the relationship. He was full of doubt about whether or not this was the right relationship for him - and I was so enamored of him, I tried diligently to convince him that, of course, this was the right relationship for him. It became part of my responsibility in the relationship. Once we married, odd things started happening. We would get into a grammatical argument that would become heated, and he would grab a gallon of milk from the refridgerator and pour on the kitchen floor, afterward shouting at me to clean it up! Then arguments would get even more heated, and he would just push me a little. He [literally] kicked me out of bed not wanting to have sex the day that they put my cat to sleep. He threw me into a wall, has ripped clothing from me while I was wearing that clothing and frequenly began breaking permanent fixtures in our apartment - doors, ironning boards, glasses, etc. We don't have children yet. We have now been separated for the better part of a year, and he has been diagnosed as a bi-polar. He is taking his medications (some of the same ones that other people have mentioned: Risperadal, Lithium). The medication seems to be helping. He hasn't been violent in about 12 months now. He can misinterpret so many things - and assign some kind of evil intention to actions/words that was NEVER intended. It can be very frustrating trying to have a conversation. When I left in January, I left b/c of how awful I felt - I was becoming very depressed. Over the years, I had become isolated from friends and family with whom I was too embarrassed to tell what was going on. I am professionally successful woman, and the idea that I was living with a husband who could be that abusive was very difficult to "fess up" to.
It sounds ludicruous to my mother, and to a few friends who now know the extent to which he has been abusive in the past, but I am thinking about moving back in January. He has been on his medication for about 8 months now (after a month of returning to living together where he decided no more counseling).
I am caught in the middle of wanting to honor my Roman Catholic vows, and wanting to get on with my life. We have no children yet. Any thoughts on whether or not the medication can help prevent the violence?
Posted by: Anonymous at December 10, 2006 12:43 PM
I am sooo relieved to have found this site. I can relate so well to these posts. I have been married for 24 years, most of which I was very codependent with my bipolar II hb.
We have 5 really great children ages 8y -21y. (I prayed constantly for them. I was so afraid that they would be emotionally destroyed by their father.)
I am 49 years old and am going thru my own changes, dealing with all the raising of our children with my husband fighting against me.
He won't take meds due to being misdiagnosed at fist and given antidep without mood stabilizers which put him into a drug induced horrible mania. so I understand why he refuses meds. He sounds alot like Chris's h. He is very functional at work, well educated, has sexuall addictions, withdraws from me and witholds common curtesy and kindness from me constantly.
Of course, I have a zillion sad stories but not the time to tell them (remember, I am doing everything around here with him fighting me and making everything so much harder.)
Divorce is out of the question for now as I think it would be more harmful to the children than not divorcing.
My struggle is with loneliness. I am lonely for a man's love and kindness. I will never get that from my h. I don't think he is able to give it, he is so hyper-concerned about himself and is always the victim of everything.
I thank GOD that I found this site because I have been feeling so very alone.
Any thoughts as to how much emotional responsibility these BPII people are capable of?
I have noticed in my research that adults that have suffered trauma/abuse early in life have the same symtpoms and behaviors that bipolar II people have. Any thoughts on this?
It's bedtime for me and my youngest so I gotto go.
May God give you the desire and power to do His will today!!
Posted by: pauline johnson at December 24, 2006 03:43 AM
Thanks for all the info everyone. Actually this was happening to a friend of mine's husband, and he did get on the right meds, and that did the trick!
Posted by: pamdavis01 at December 30, 2006 07:03 AM
Your description of your husband reminded me a lot of mine. When he gets angry, he always tends to destroy something. I'm 95% sure he is bipolar. He's very wishy-washy about being married. We are separated right now for the third and longest time. When we were separated the second time, he reserved a second place to live and kind of held it over my head for three months (so I was basically walking on eggshells). He's often irresponsible and has a very addictive personality and has never been addicted to something good. The part of your post that caught my eye was the reference to your Christian faith at the end. That caused a lot of confusion and guilty feelings inside of me too. Then I realized that God is not a God of confusion and guilt is of Satan because he wants to rob us of our peace. I still pray everyday for the salvation of my husband and that God will heal him of this mental problem. If you are basing your actions off of scripture, as I try to, remember that Paul told the Corinthians "If your unbelieving spouse leaves, let him/her go. You are not under bondage, for the Lord has called us to peace". There are also scriptures that say that God does not approve of one who covers their garment (spouse) w/ violence and another reads that "a husband is to give his wife the affection due her". It took me a while to realize that God loves me no matter what and that my marital issues aren't punishment for something. If you are comfortable w/ it, my opinion is that it might be a good thing to try it again with your husband. This 2nd chance might just be God asking you to trust Him and not your husband. Whatever you do, please don't let Satan try and use your faith to make you feel trapped and afraid. My prayers are with you. Take care.
Posted by: hopeful at January 16, 2007 09:24 PM
I am moving out of my house TODAY! I am VERY sad, but I don't think near as sad as I am for my kids to have to continue living in this crazy environment. My husband is bipolar, he is on Lamictal(obviously not working). I LOVE this man with all my heart and I so feel for him, but I HAVE to start loving myself and move on. I CANNOT make him better. All these stories make it easier for me to leave today! He is on his "high" right now and I dread when he comes down because I end up weak and take him back. I "justify" his behaviors with _ "he didn't know" or "This time will be better". I cry myself to sleep. My poor baby girl is 3 and she knows mommy hurts and she automatically goes to daddy and tells him he is mean to mommy- so all these people who think you are doing your children justice, stop hiding behind them and supporting a grown man when your children are just that, children. They are the ones that you are responsible for and you are the ONLY one that can get them out!You may chose to stay, your children don't have that choice- you are making it for them. Stop making excuses! Most of you need to read "CoDependent NO MORE"- He doesn't need you to "fix" him- you CAN'T! I know its scary. I have been in prison for 5 yrs now, I feel that I am getting paroled today.- I am asking that all of you pray that I have the strength to keep my focus on my children as I know we all WANT to do.
Posted by: Diane at January 26, 2007 02:19 PM
mu husband is diagnosed with bp.he had this terryying deep long episode(5 monthes so far)he wouldn't under any circumstances take the medicines.the episode is almost thru now but what 's so strange about him is his feelings of beeing chosen by god to a noble cause.does anyone know anything about this????please help!!!!
Posted by: maria at February 18, 2007 09:47 PM
does anyone knows a bp who takes meds and lived a long normal life?????????
Posted by: maria at February 21, 2007 06:48 PM
I am 58 years old, retired and have many struggles with my bi-polar husband. I am new in texas and really need another women to talk to, so I don't feel like I am the one going crazy..
Please write..I live in the Allen Texas area
Posted by: Jeannette at February 22, 2007 04:36 PM
Hi, Have alot of comments and understand alot of this,my husband has bipolar and had for years but just found out for sure.It is very hard for a person to live with someone who has this disease.All of the hurtful remarks that have been said through the years.He is on med now i hope and pray to God it works just need someone to talk to that understands how feel about feeling so lonely and not knowing what to do we have been married for 30 years and it has never been a normal happy life i will praying for all of you,i would appericate any one who would like to talk
Posted by: maye at February 23, 2007 11:55 PM
MY HUSBAND IS BIPOLAR.HE HAS RAPID CYCLING.I CAN COUNT ON IT EVERY 3 TO 4 MONTHS.HE CAN'T HAVE NORMAL CONVERSATION.HE LIES ABOUT HOW THINGS REALLY OCCURED,TWISTS TH TRUTH TO SOUND BETTER ON HIS PART.NO COMMON SENSE IN THE REMARK AT ALL.HE NEEDS SO MUCH AFECTION HE CAN'T LIVE AND FEEL RIGHT UNLESS HE HAS "IT".BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE CAN'T PICK UP THE FACT IT WAS ACTUALLY SOMETHING HE'S TURNED DOWN.LIKE A ROLLER COASTER AND WALKING ON EGG SHELLS AS SOME OF YOU HAVE STATD,I HAVE DEALT WITH THIS AS WELL WITH HIM.HE HAS A BIPOLAR EX-WIFE AS WELL AND A RESENTLY DIAGNOSED BIPOLAR 15 YEAR OLD SON WHO LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER.SHE CALLS MY HUSBAND AND CALLS HIM.IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THEIR SON.MOST OF WHAT I HEAR ON THIS END IS CHIT-CHAT.I FINALLY TOLD HIM I WILL FILE CHAGES ON HER IF SHE DIDN'T STOP HARRAASSING US ON OUR VISITATIONS.THIS CHILD WOULD BE WITH US ON COURT APPOINTED WEEKENDS AND SHE'D BE CALLING.SHE CAN'T HAVE ISSUES WITH THIS CHILD,HE IS WITH US.
SO MY HUSBAND HAS KEPT THIS UP FOR YEARS AND FINALLY HE SAYS IT'S BEEN HANDLED...BUT...I KNOW JUST UNTIL NEXT TIME.MY HUSBAND HAS DECIDED THAT ON OUR ANNIVERSARY TRIP TWO NIGHTS TO DC AND GREAT BUT I DID FEEL PHYSICALLY BAD AND HAD BROKEN A TOOTH,HE WANTED TO GO THERE AND I SAID OK TO IT.WE GO THE EX CALLS WHILE WE ARE HEADDED OUT OF TOWN...RUINED THE TRIP FOR ME.WE GET THERE AND WE GO SHOP.I REALLY HAVE NO MONEY.SOMETIMES HE SUGESTS I GO AHEAD AND PURCHASE THIS OR THAT,I GET TO THE COUNTERAND HE DOESN'T PAY FOR IT,I AM PULLING MY OWN CASH OUT TRYING TO SAVE MYSELF FROM HUMILIATION.I HAVE LEANED TO NOT SHOP WITH HIM,I LIKE TO BE FRUGGLE WITH MY MONEY ANYWAY.WE GO TO THE HOTEL AND STOP AND CHCK OUT THIS LITTTLE NIGHT SPOT ONTHE WATERFRONT FOR DINNER.WE GO TO THE HOTEL AND GET A NAP.JSUT AS I WOKE UP HE WOKE ALREADY AND SAID WE SHOULD GO HOME ALL WE'RE DOING IS SLEEPING HERE.OK! THERE IS AN EPISODE COMING ON.WE DID AT 8 PM, PACKED THE CAR AND LEFT,HIS COMMENT WAS TO THE DESK HE MISSED OUR DOG.THEY LOOKD AT US AND WONDERED IF WE HAD GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT.HE PAID OR THAT ROOM OVER 200.00 AND HE CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MORNING TO DRIVE HOME.IT SEEMS TO ME THAT NORMAL IS UNCOMORTABLE FOR HIM.HIS WORLD HAS TO BE IN CHAOS.BUT..HE CAN BE HOME AT TIMES AND JUST SIT FOR DAYS TIRED AND TELLS ME I WON'T LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE IS BORING.HE HAS IN THE PAST GOTTEN US CELL PHONES IN HIS NAM AND TOOK PHONE MESSAGES I SENT OUT AND HAD THM ON HIS PHONE SAVED AND ONE NIGHT HE WENT INTO HIS FITS.MOVED OUT OF THE BEDROOM.... DOWN THE HALL TO ANOTHER BEDROOM.CUT ME OFF AFTER HE BECAME CONFRONTATIONAL,LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE BACKROOM.I REFUSED TO BE TREATED LIKE HE DID AND HE WENT TO A HOTEL TO STAY.HE ACTUALLY CALLED ME AND PLAYED BACK MY VOICE MAILS TO THOSE I SPEAK WITH,FRIENDS.HE THOUGHT HE WAS REALLY DOING SOMETHING TO ME THEN.WHAT MIND IS THIS THAT DOES THIS CRUELTY.WHEN HE DECIDEDS TO STARTED HIS PREPLANNED ARGUEMENTS HE SETS THE SITUATION UP.
I HAVE HAD TO GO TO HIS BROTHER AND HIS WIFE FOR HELP.I HAVE SO MUCH MORE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD THAT HELPS ME COPE A LITTLE.HE SAID THAT LIES WERE SOMTHING HE HAS DONE ALL HIS LIFE AND HE COULD SIT AND PULL IT OFF TO HIS OWN MOTHER AND WALK AWAYS NOT FEELING ANY SHAME.HE HAS BEATEN HIS OTHE WIVES.MY HUSBAND SAYS THEY PROVOKED HIM INTO A FIGHT.ALL THE ARGUEMENTS HE AND I HAVE EVER BEEN IN HE HAS PROVOKED HIMSELF.I HAVE TRIED TO SAVE HIS OWN SON FROM OVER HEARING HIS BEGININGS OF A FIGHT AND AKSED THAT HE PLEASE LET THIS CHILD GO HOME BEOFRE WE SPEAK.NO..WE ARE DOING THIS NOW.HE CHOSE THIS TO DO.THAT WAS THE NIGHT HE BEAT ME UP IN THE STUDY NEXT TO THE BEDROOM,SLAMMED ME REPEATEDLY INTO THE DOOR USING MY ARMS AS RAMS TO SLAM MY BACK AND HEAD INTO THE DOOR.
LISTNIGHT WAS ANOTHER EPISODE.I ACTUALLY WAS TOLD IF I DIDN'T GET HELP I COULDN'T HELP HIM.I IN HIS MIND NEED TO KNOW HOW I AM SUPPOSE SHOW AFFECTION TO HIM ALL THE TIME.THIS MEANS KISSING AND DISPLAY OF AFFECTIONS WHICH I DO,HE PUSHES ME AWAY AND SEMS UPSET BECAUSE IN HIS MIND I DIDN'T DO IT YESTERDAY OR RIGHT WHEN HE CAME HOME.I AM DARNED IF I DO AND DARNED IF I DON'T.I JUST AT TIMES WANT TO GIVE UP.I AM GETTING TIRED OF THIS CRAP!
YA KNOW WHAT?HE GETS TO THE THEROPIST AND LIES TO HER.LASTNIGHT I ASKE DHIM HOW LONG HAD HE KNOWN HIS THEROPIST AND HE SAYS HE JUST MET HER WHEN WE WENT IN.I DO RECALL SHE STATING SHE'S KNOWN HIM A LONG TIME.NOW..WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO THINK? THIS SOUNDS LIKE HE IS CRAZY.ADHD WITH BIPOLAR IS MY EDUCATED QUESS.AT THIS POINT I FEEL I AM HAVING TO EDUCATE MYSELF ON THIS.I AM BECOMING VICTIMISED.
I DID TELL HIM LASTNIGHT AFTERHE HAD ANOTHER EPISODE OR TWO THAT I SPOKE WITH A DIFFERENT THEROPIST ABOUT THIS SITUATION HERE.HIS STATEMENT TO ME WAS HE IS DANGEROUS AND I SHOULD GET OUT.MY PHYSICIAN I SAW ABOUT MY ARMS AND WRISTS TOLD ME TO GET OUT.
AT THE TIME HE WAS DOING ALL THE HORRIBLE STUFF I ASKED HIM TO GET A SINUS XRAY,HIS HEADACHES WERE TO FREQUENT AND HE WAS POPPING ALLERGY MEDS EVRY TIME I TUND AROUND.NO ONE NEEDS THIS LIKE HE USED THEM.I SUGGESTED THE XRAY,IT COMES BACK SHOWING A TUMOR ON THE PITUITARY.OK.SERGURY ANDALL THAT WAS DONE WENT THROUGH RECOVERY.HE HAS NO TESTOSTERONE AND NEEDS TO USE REPLACEMENT THEROPY.I AM THINKING WITH THIS HELP HE MIGHT BE OK....NO......HE ISN'T THIS IS STILL HAPPENING.IT ISN'T THE DRAMA AS MUCH BUT CONFRONTATIONAL AND DRAMA.THE LIES ARE STILL THERE THE DECEPTION.
HE IS ONTHE PHONE AT THE RESTAURANT AND THE X CALLS,WE JUST LEFT HER AND SHE IS CALLING ABOUT A LOCATION,HE GIVES DISCRIPTIONS OF HWERE THIS BUILDING MAY BE,THEN HESAYS IT'S WERE WE HAD DINNER.hE HAS MET THIS X AND HAD DINNER.OH!IT'S ABOUT THEIR SON,IT'S OK TO HIM TO DO THIS.I DECIDED TO NOT GIVE HIM MY SCHDULE SO HE CAN'T PREPLAN THESE DINNERS WHILE I AM WORKING.SHE ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEND HER SON TO US WITH HER KEEPING CHILDSUPPORT AND CUSTODY.I TOLD HIM THERE IS NOT WAY THAT WILL WORK.SHE NEEDS TO GIVE US SOLE CUSTODY AND WE WILL MOVE THIS CHILD FORWARD.ANYWAY..AFTER THE LIES TOLD I HAD TO SAY NO TO ALL OF TH FACT CUSTODY OR NOT THEY WILL NOT DO WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO DO.OH..I WILL B THE CAREGIVER AND THEY WILL BOTH HAVE THEIR JOBS WORK AND HAVE ALL THEY WANT.I WORK PART-TIME.
YEAH! AND GET THIS..I OUND A WORKOUT TOP IN HIS UNDERWEAR DRAWER.HE SWEARS HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT IT.I HAVE SEM HIS X IN IT BEFORE.I ASKD VERYONE ABOUT IT,IF THEY LFT IT HERE....NO....THE LIES HE TELLS AND HIM TRYING TO HAVE HIM MOVED IN HERE WITH HER HELPING OF COURSE.WHOS'TO SAY THEY AEN'T HERE WHEN I WORK AND PULLING THIS CRAP OVER ON ME.
HE SWEARS HE HASN'T A THING FOR HER.BUT HEY!GO FIGURE WHY I DON'T TRUST HIM.HE TOLD ME IF HE COULDN'T HAVE HIS PORN HE WOULD HAVE TO CHEAT ON ME.YS THERE WAS X #3 WHERE HE HAD BEEN TO SE HER,RETURND A DOOR TO HER HE EVEN LIED ABOUT DOING,SHE MADE STAINED GLASS DOORS.THERE ARE A BAG OF PICTURS THAT SHOWED UP IN THE CABINET OF THEM.THEY JUST SHOWED UP.THEY WEREN'T HERE BEFORE.
WHAT ON GODS EARTH DOES ON DO AFTER ALL THIS.HE SAYS ALL THE TIME I HAVE TO LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY.I HAVE TO BE WILLING TO FORGIVE HIM OF WHAT HE DOES.THAT'S HOW TO LOVE HIM.TO ME THIS MEANS HE WILL DO WHAT HE WANTS AND I HAVE TO ACCPT HE WILL DO THIS.HE WILL NOT ACCEPT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS AND NOT DO THEM AGIN.HE WANTS ME TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS.
SO HE IS CRAZY?
RIGHT NOW MY FEELINGS ARE OF SO THAT I WANT OUT.
I CAN'T TRUST HIM.HE HAS GIVEN ME STD'S AND BLAMED IT ON MY X HUSBAND.I WAS MARRIED 27YRS. TO A GUY WHO NEVER DID THESE CHEATING THINGS.HE COULD BE TOTALLY TRUSTED IN THAT DEPARTMENT.
NEED SOME FEED BACK.
OH! I HAVE FAMILY MMEBRS IN THE HOSPITAL FACING DEATH,ONE IS A SUDDEN POSSIBLE DEATH.I WAS ALSO SICK DURING THIS PHONE EXCHANGE OF THE EMERGANCIES GOING ON.HE WAS BEING CONSIDRATE TO WAIT UNTIL MY NAUSIA STOPPED TO BRING UP HE HAS THIS ISSUE.HE FRONTED THE TALK WITH I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE HE WANTS TO RESOLVE THIS FEELING HE HAS ABOUT ME AND HE WANTS ME TO GET TO A COUNCELOR.HE THINKS I HAVE ISSUES WITH AFFECTIONS.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
I HAVE WRITEN THIS IN MY MIND THAT HE IS A NUT.MY HEART IS DISENGAGED WHEN IT COMS TO HIM.I HAVE MY FEELINGS TO PROTECT.BUT..ITS ALL ABOUT HIM.
Posted by: BECKY LUCAS at March 5, 2007 02:13 PM
my husband is having his first mania episode so i'd realy appreciate very much if anyone could answer me this question:
for the time beeing he's refusing to admit that he's ill and needs meds and i'm waiting for the episode to finish and then i'll convince him to stay on meds for 1 year and that's how he'll never have another episode as his doctor says.the question is:is that true?will he relly agree to take meds when he's fine?will he stanf the side effects and continue for 1 ear?what are his chances?
Posted by: naya at March 6, 2007 02:07 PM
Nave, that is going to cause MANY MANY problems to promise no more episodes. That is 100% false statement from the doctor! The meds MIGHT help..... first, there is no guarantee that the meds given will work. there are so many different meds to help with this illness, not all work for all people. There will be a lot of time for the first little while adjusting and changing meds. Which overwhelms, frustrates, and outrages the one going through all the side-effects of the medication. Second, even when the person is on the meds, there are still moodswings, and the emotional issues, they are just not AS severe. They will still be there, and you will still deal with the same issues, but the hope is to have it a little more STABILIZED. Third, your loved one will resent you if you push him to take the meds with this promise, then it doesn't fix it. I say still push for the meds, but don't do it with an empty promise such as they will make him never have another episode, and be understanding that when they start taking the meds it takes two months or so for the body to even react to them, so until then you are kind of just stuck with a zombie like person living in your house. Hopes this helps, if you need more help please feel free to email me!
Posted by: Marie at March 15, 2007 07:52 PM
Hi all, I have spent a lot of time reading through everyone's post and feel somewhat comforted that there are people out there who can understand what I am going through. My husband is bipolar, and I feel that each day is harder than the last. I don't mind having to help him, and working harder than him to keep our lives going... but the freak outs just are so hard, I don't know if its worth it. He is the funnest person I know when he is stabilized, but each day I wake up questioning if it is all worth it. I, like many of you, find it hard to be sexually attracted to him because of the hurtful things said and done in his blind rage. He says things that he does not remember, and there for believes I made up. I can't get him to go to a psychiatrist, and after five years of begging got him to start a small does of lamictil. Which has helped some, but not much. I feel there's not alot we can do to change the way our loved ones are, I feel my choices are either deal with it and be hurt, but make the excuses that come with it when they go on their blind rage, spending sprees, and unhelpfullness with all things involved in the relationship.... or you can leave. Which I know is hard because we love them, but can't handle the abouse any longer. I wish the best for all of you, and your loved ones with the disease!
Posted by: Marie at March 15, 2007 07:55 PM
Its Diane again- Its been since Jan. 27th when I moved out- A little over a week ago we reconciled. I again was "weak". I am happy. I can only pray the good lasts. During our separation he went off his Lamictal, but has restarted it for about a week now. I pray that the meds along with counseling this time will help. As long as he stays commited as promised then maybe, just maybe. But as we all know they are not always capable of keeping promises and doing whats best for their families because at the time, they are doing what they feel is best. I feel bad that we have moved out of out house into a small apt and am fearful that will cause problems in the end, but for now its home because we are all togather, happy. When things are "level", they are the BEST. I wouldn't trade this for NOTHING but gosh its almost hard to enjoy because of anticipating the bad. Please pray for me and my family. I want so bad for things to work. Please if anyone would like to have someone to talk to on a regular basis because we all can relate- let me know because I feel that if I had someone it would be helpful to have. To know someone else REALLY understands.- I know by reading on here but I would like to have someone that would be more personal to confide in. Thanks for reading and may GOD bless all of you and your families.
Posted by: Diane at March 21, 2007 05:29 PM
hello my name is angie and i;m sending tjis message on behalf of my brother,he;s been in a couple of mental institutions and he;s only 26 years old and it really hurts me to see him like this, i try to help him in every way that i can but i still don't work.he;s also on drugs and that what really triggers this disease. his family on his daddy side have a record of this mental condition is so what i like to call it,people always judging him for this sickness but i don;t i wanna help him.my brother has called his self gotten married and he really don;t understand what marriage is and think that the woman that married him just did it for the money,and i reall y don;t think it;s fair to him and the family has tried to talked to him and try to help him understand that that's not gonna work out but he can't cope with the advicew that we are giving him,i pray for him and asked the lord to please help him overcome this and the use of drugs,but, in the mean time i will take any kind of advice that anyone has to offer and just to know i love him so much and no i'm not ashamed of him i just wan;t him to have a normal life that he should,he;s such a nice young man,lots of respect and would do anything in the world for anybody,if he could,and i am so concern about him, because,again i love him just like a child of mine,and so do my children that's there uncle duke is his nickname we call him,in fact everyone loves him but no one wants to be around him with this sickness because, he always do good then his mind just snaps and we don't know what to do next
Posted by: angela scott at March 30, 2007 02:31 AM
I have read a majority of the posts and have noticed quite a few "my husband has been diagnosed..." Well, its the reverse for me. My wife had her diagnosis go from Major Depression w/ psychotic features to Paranoid Schizophrenia. After fours years, three hospitalizations, the hurtful comments during "episodes" never get any easier. I can relate to everyone here. If anyone wishes to vent, please feel free to write.
Posted by: John R at April 12, 2007 04:25 PM
hope for everyone hope for everyone hope for everyone hope for everyone hope for everyone hope for everyone .
well......my husband had an episode when he was 30 then disappeared until now he's 50.he had the most terrible strong vicious severe episode anyone could ever imagine.all our life fell apart after 20 years of devotion and commitment.he sold our beloved appartment and our car and almost sold his store and his parents' house. kept threatning us about leaving us for ever for 7 monthes now...we live together with his nice mom and have 4 children and when we asked how are we supposed to live in his absence he said:rent our car!!!!!!!!!anyway...it took a miracle to make him go to see a doctor and he only went there to proove to everyone how much sane he was..when the doctor diagnosed him he kept making fun of him for monthes.the hope that i wanna give to everyone is TO PUT THE MEDECINE IN THE FOOD WITHOUT THE PATIENT'S KNOWLEDGE OR APPROVAL AS LONG AS YOU ARE WORKING TOGETHER DAY BY DAY WITH THE DOCTOR.committing volonteerly to medsin my husband's case was out of question,he slept for 10 hours the day he took the med so he paniqued and stopped it emmediatly.so i started adding it to food..first month it was depakine but hte problrm was that it had terrible flavour and very difficult to hide.then started grounding zyprexa that worked miracly.it had no flavour of any kind.it became whote powder that could be added to any food,just try to avoid hot or sour ones because it reduces the effect.be creative,use the liquid kind of your prescribed medecine if needed.the problem with zyprexa was that opens appetit nd gain 10 pounds in one month.the doctor made me stop it and we've been on tegrettolfor on month now.it is very gentle and has no sideffect so far.my husband became as sweet and kind as he always as.the plan that the doctor gave me is to stay on meds for one more year in order to avoid any future episode.my life is happy again.BUT ONE LAST PIECE OF ADVICE.ADDING MEDS IS RISKY.RESPONDING TO THEM IS NOT 100%.BUT FOR WHOLE 8 MONTHES I KEPT ASKING GOD FOR HELP .I SIT WITH GOD AT LEAST ONE HOUR A DAY ASKING HIM FOR HELP.IF IT WASN'T FOR HIS HELP I COULDN'T GO THRU ONE DAY OF THE WORST HELL NIGHTMARE OF MY LIFE.GOD GAVE ME AMUNITY AGAINST ALL THE VERBAL AND PHISICAL ABUSE THAT I WENT THRU.HE ASSURED ME,PROTECTED ME,AND MOST OF ALL,PROTECTED MY HUSBAND HIMSELF FROM ONESELF,BECAUSE HE PUT HIMSELF IN GREAT FINANCIAL AND SECURITY RISKS.GOD UP IN THE SKY,I THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME,AND I THANK PROPHETS CHRIS AND MUHAMAD.please don't hesitate to post questions.
Posted by: naya at April 24, 2007 05:36 AM
Does the "manic stage" drive you crazy? It has came again, of course. Why do I continue to try to reason with him during this time? I do it EVERY TIME. i catch myself trying to "debate"- and I KNOW I can't reason with him. Please someone respond, I am feeling a little loopy! He has a way, such a manipulator. I love this man, but he wears me down- physically, emotionally and mentally. He "rapid cycles" so this is going on quite often! He is on Lamictal, does anyone know of any other med that I can suggest that his doctor let him try that may be more helpful for a rapid cycler? They come back too quick, they just don't last as long on the Lamictal. Thanks for reading..........I am soooooo frustrated today!!!! Keep me in your prayers
Posted by: Diane at May 4, 2007 01:13 PM
As I read over each of your stories I started to cry..somebody really does understand my husband of 4 years is bipolar and at one point medicated with alcohol it was absolute hell. After a year of this I lost it I told him either he stopped or I walked, he did thank God but living with someone that is Bipolar is unlike anything a person in a normal marriage could understand. If i'd known what I know now I would not have married him even though I love him, its just too hard. I'm always frustrated, sad, lonely, my family is almost 3 hours away, I think about killing myself almost every single day but I can't do that I know. Thiers no itimacy in our marriage due to his meds. I'm just glad I found someone to listen or at least vent to. He thinks everything is just fine and I think to myself you dummy you have no idea. Diane if you possibly read this my husband is a rapid cycler too and hes on Lamictal ask his doctor to add Abilify it will slow down his cycles quite a bit. But like the rest of you Im worn out emotionally, physically and have no idea who I am anymore. Please write back if you'd like. Thanks
Posted by: Kelly at May 12, 2007 01:04 AM
Thanks Kelly. I come to this site daily- It helps me make it through. I know there are other people and some stories that have me knowing that I am not alone here. It is such a daily struggle. You have to be prepared to deal with what the day may bring. I find my self always trying to predict what stage he is in so I can try to determine when it will be over or if he is "level" today. If you need to talk email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Posted by: Diane at May 14, 2007 02:28 PM
I just noticed that in my post in April, my email address was incorrect. I apologize for that. It is email@example.com
I don't find myself trying to predict what stage my wife is in as long as she is on her meds. However, it is a daily struggle as I feel that this last episode irrevocably changed her.
Posted by: John R at May 15, 2007 01:23 PM
It's me again. I could really use some support from anyone/everyone. Again we are headed to "splitsville" and I am very down. Why do I try to reason with this man? Why do I go back just to end up back at this point again? I am beside myself today. I guess I feel that this HAS to be "it". Any feedback would be appreciated- Thanks
Posted by: Diane at June 14, 2007 01:18 PM
Two weeks has past, I've done well. I am feeling really peaceful. I am somewhat worried for him but that has been my life for 5 years now. I would like now to focus on a "life" for myself and our children. We haven't been able to "live". We have had to walk on eggshells and try to predict his moods.- Our lives revolved around his illness- my own fault. Please everyone continue to keep us in your prayers. Thanks for listening.
Posted by: Diane at June 28, 2007 09:01 PM
I filed for divorce today. I have mixed feelings. I am excited yet sad and scared. I feel bad for my daughter that thinks the world of this man and hates to be away from him each night that she is. Please keep us all in your prayers.
Posted by: Diane at July 16, 2007 07:00 PM
I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and she's bipolar and we have a 6 year old daughter I've been through the manic, cheating, lying, snapping and deppression and all that other stuff that I cant explane because it does'nt make sence to me.I've notice that most of you are woman going through this so I dont know if you want to help me but I really need some type of support because I'm feeling emotionally dead inside I just want to disapear but I cant because of my daughter but I dont have any more fight in me it's almost as if I dont care if she commited suicide which is eating me up inside I'm just lost and confused and need a friend who understands what it is like to live with someone with bipolar.
Posted by: Damon at August 2, 2007 06:50 AM
I can relate to living with a mentally and emotionally disturbed person. As a Christian, I have struggled with the decision of whether or not to stay in this dysfunctional relationship. Things can go okay for a time, but it NEVER lasts. He constantly cycles through the most bizarre behaviors. He tells me he paid a bill or took care of a problem when he really didn't. He becomes angry, then denies his anger. He mistreats and upsets everyone in the house, then acts like he has no clue as to why everyone is so distant. I have been married to this man for 30 years, and I've reached the point of just wanting out. I know he isn't going to get well. The medications help sometimes, but anything can throw him off. If he eats something with sugar in it, or doesn't get enough sleep, or has to deal with something out of the ordinary, he becomes unstable again. His anger is the hardest thing to deal with. I know that God hates divorce and that Christians are supposed to stay married, but the stress level is so high it is affecting my health and the health of my children.
Posted by: Jeannie at October 25, 2007 11:12 PM
Hi To All
I try to console myself by thinking that any relationship has its ups and downs and that other normal marriages must have their challenging issues as well. After 7 years its getting old for me as well, and am beginning to feel that I need to love and care for myself as much if not more then I do for my bipolar husband...
One thing that seems typical of bipolars is the lack of compassion for their spouses or children...anyone super close to them. is there some logical explanation behind this behavioral characteristic that would help one understand or deal with this?
Posted by: Lisa at November 16, 2007 06:40 AM
Posted by: glidernet at November 23, 2007 09:57 PM
We met in a club I was seperated for a long time but newly divorced. That was nearly 7yrs ago. I am so drained from the verbal/control abuse. He refuses to go to the doctor or dentist much less get a diagnosis for what I call control freak friction addiction. My kids are older teenagers who have seen this for so long and beg for change and why do I take him back? over and over each time he is stronger /me weaker. Now he stays out all night twice a week. Drug use and cell rings but cocaine makes him unable to have sex or part of the manipulation. It is my house so we cannot leave. He had a house of his own and tore it up with undone and unlivable reconstruction. So he could live with us and maintain control hell. Always going to court with xwife 11 yrs and probate 4yrs needs surgery I talked with the doctor so it is real. The tumor.(4 yrs also) I am so weak and my kids witness all the fighting ,crying and they never can relax...Help Lord....somebody
Posted by: susan at December 16, 2007 01:18 PM