August 12, 2004

Driving days...

David is getting his first car! Since David is enrolled as a part-time college student for this fall, and he is working, albeit only 9-10 hours a week, it is time for Mom not to have to be chauffeur all the time. A neighbor's son's girlfriend has a Dodge 92 Shadow for sale, he is buying it this afternoon. We're paying half, he is paying the other half.

David took driver's ed last fall, before his illness got so bad. He passed with a B, but never took the test for his license. Even though he was not as bad as he got before his hospitalization, his anxiety was way too high, and then our confidence, way too low! anyway, he went in and took the written test today and passed!!!! He will take the driving portion next Wednesday... Scary..........! Anyway, hopefully, this time next week he will be a licensed driver.

I think this morning is an illustration of the idiom:
"Any stress is bad stress..." or, "Even good stress is bad stress..."

He originally went to the BMV, up the street and did not tell them he had completed his Driver's ed course and passed, therefore they told him he could not take the exam! This, in spite of me having told him to show his card from the course instructor! He was borderline melt-down... with stress. I managed to cool him down, and took him back... He took the test and passed.

On the way home, he was telling me how he was happy he passed the first time, and being excited. The topic changed, and I mentioned chores. I asked him to clean the basement rec area... He got agitated over:
"Why should he have to clean up after his brother?" and "He is tired of being ignored!"

I responded with because we are paying $450.00 toward your car, and more for licensing and insurance... We do things for each other because we are family... I told him he is doing nothing for his brother, I am asking him to do for ME! I also said we are just getting home from me taking you to take your test for your license, I have no idea where you think you're being ignored... I finally gave up and told him to take his noon thorazine and sent him to nap for an hour...

Gene called and asked why my response, I told him even good stress is bad... I remember having to be very aware of transitioning from one task to another with Dalton, still do... Unfortunately, David is where Dalton used to be in this arena re: stress... He is doing well, but we definitely have proof this illness is not a figment of imagination, and that there is a reason we did the GED and part time school. He is doing great most of the time, but any added stress can upset the apple cart easily

To be or not to be

... me

Waking in the early morning,
as early as, the deepest night
When all the world, was silent
except for the creaking of the air

... I breathe

When each moment was exaggerated
Blaring bells announcing every thought
and laying in the blackened space
The thrumming of my heartbeat
echoed thunderous in my ears

... to see

Ricocheted reverberation
reiterating questions of my state of mind
Who am I? Where am I?
Why am I? What have I done?

... to me

In the pitch, in the black, in the darkness
my soul awaits´┐Ż an answer
What is my purpose? Why am I here?
Who have I helped? Whose is this fear?

... to be

Gene and I are both starting our antidepressants again... we stopped after halving the dose for a month, but we both decided that we need the low dose, at least... Transitional times of the year are very stressful on everyone!

God Bless, BettyJo

Buy my stuff at Lulu!

Posted by TwoSons at August 12, 2004 07:23 PM | TrackBack


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