October 13, 2004

The Ongoing Saga... and the effects of trauma on mood...

Purposed and at Peace�

I�ve found the answer!
I understand.

Parenting is like the weather,
beautiful and soft, peaceful and calm,
apparently a haven and a joy,a blessing and a smile,
when the sun is shining and soft breezes are blowing
and you can hear the sweet, sweet sound of birds and children
in the air...

Like a canoe upon a river still as glass
Reflecting scenes of heaven overhead,
and pictures of the shore smile back at us
Glimmering and glistening, as leaning over the side of our boat
we draw fingers through the surface of the water creating ripples
of emotion...

Like a trek through the countryside,
viewing the forest in the fall
A myriad of color like a symphony,
emblazoning wonder upon our souls awestruck and amazed
at the glory created by a palette of rainbows
which came from simple hues blended into an astonishing array
of possibility...

Like a swelling song of heavenly delight
which fills my heart with silence, serenity, and harmony,
landing softly upon my shoulders and into my soul, gently
as I coast along the star-struck waves of synergy within utopian walls
of tranquility...

Like silken sunshine falling on a velvet smile
shining with an inner fire of hope
when illuminating the face of a slumbering spirit
and depicting the embodiment of our hopes and dreams
as we journey through the day...

These are our prayers�
These are our goals�
These are the mountaintops, for which we dream,
and these our rewards...

Parenting is a journey through life
and through storms to reach a destination
At times the weather is stormy, instead of peaceful,
and our path obscured by raging winds full of destruction
where light is dimmed by darkened clouds
and waves are crashing over shores flooding our serenity
with grief...

A struggle and a task to ascend the steep, stark cliffs of desolation
to deliver springs of hope to waterless lands and parched minds
reaching out an olive branch,
oblivious to the dangers of vulnerability,
our gazes set only upon our objective and the goal at hand,
to love...

Through crashing storms and capsized boats
Through sunken dreams and broken hopes
Parenting is the action, the verb, the destination,
the ambition, and the deliverance of peace.
It is the meaning of life, the purpose of love,
and the reason God
created me...


We hired an attorney last night. Gave him an inch of recs, he asked for more. I have about 3-4 inches more to give today. Weeded thorugh a bunch of material... he seems confident this will work out. However, he used to work in the prosecutor's office and says this prosecutor usually presses charges every time, and is not so sensitive to individual cases so we may end up going to court. He does seem very confident, with the background and information we have back to Dalton's early years, that they will not "Convict" him. We are trying to avoid probation even, just in case.

If he gets probation, there is a risk that, should something small at school occur of a disciplinary nature, they could send him to Muncie to a Juvie facility. This would destroy my child. These facilities are not meant to deal with children who are developmentally handicapped, or suffer from a mental illness. They do not know or care to meet the child at their level of functioning ability. They do not have the training to deal with the medication treatments or have the knowledge to recognize symptoms vs. intentionality. They would not know when to look for medical assistance for these issues, vs. behavioral intervention. These facilities are intended for young people who intentionally and knowingly commit dangerous or criminal acts. Dalton would not underrstand.

I spoke witht he school system yesterday and today picked up a draft copy of the recent three year re-evaluation testing done last month for his IEP. The recent IQ test shows a overal IQ resultof 53, vs. the previous result three years ago of 65. I questioned the lower result. However, I remember being told that when he had the last set of testing done, three years ago, they had thrown out a large number of the time constraints on the test. This time the tester did not do this. This test was administered as it was designed, including the time contraits which measure the child's ability to measure information processing speed. Upon reading the result and understanding hte testing instrument, I believe the administer did a good job and this is a valid result.

Results of the vineland Adaptive Behavior Sacles: Interview Edition place Dalton's functional age at:

**4 years 2 months, Social Domain...
**5 years O months, Communication Domain...
**4 years 9 months, Daily Living Skills Domain...

Adaptive Behavior Composite Score: 4 years 8 month

Results of the Developmental test of visual motor integration places Dalton's functional age at:

**5 years 10 months

Dalton is doing ok. The emotional impact hit last night. he had fallen asleep in the family room and we woke him to go upstairs to bed. He was awake, but ODD, anxious, sad, acting avoidant and angry, refusing to go to bed, refusing to leave a light on if I turned it on, and wouldn't leave it off if I turned it off. Threw his night light, and he moved his lanp into the spare bedroom as he threatened to break it if I had it on... I know this mood, it has been a WHILE since we've seen it. He was keeping on with the mouth, pushing away, verbally ODD and threatening, and finally he tried to throw a couple half-hearted swings at mefinally, more token than intent. I grabbed him in a hug, took his feet from under him and laid him on the floor w/ me beside him... for a 20 min scream/cry. Very sad upset, worried about the dog, and just anxious. He ended up sleeping on a pallet on our bedroom floor. He could not, would not, sleep in his room.

This is like the stuff he used to do a few years ago. He "Gets" it sometimes and not others. He has a therapist visit scheduled on the 26th, I wish they had had something sooner. We used to have 1-2 hours of the don't touch me, don't leave me scenario years ago. His meds control the worst of this, but trauma and seasonal mood swings can bring it out again. He had a ODD temper show this afternoon in front of the house where he threw a couple half hearted swings at me again. This was in front of the neighbor who had told me it was still ok to let him play there without me...

I knew this was likely and had spoke with them last Sat re: what had happened, and my plan to accompany him when he plays in the neighborhood for a while. anyway, Tony witnessed this today and came over to tell me he thought it would be best if Dalton not play there untill thigs settle out. I told him it was not a problem. I also told him that I would go ahead and accompany him for a while.

This is a combination of the FAS/Bipolar/PDD and then the trauma... it cycles. This will even out, but it will be a rocky road occasionally. In all reality this is a minor situation in retrospect, we do this every once in a while... The accident with the dog triggered him. So far he is still doing great at school. Just made Gold level on behavior!

Posted by TwoSons at October 13, 2004 03:12 PM | TrackBack


I can't help but point out how appalling it is that you make excuses for your child beating to death a neighbor's animal. You keep stating that 'he only did it out of a fear impulse', yet how do you know this? You weren't even there when he beat that poor animal to death! Mental illness aside, I can't believe you even let him wander around. In ONE PAGE of your blog, you descibe this child swinging and hitting at you, smacking other children around, then in another part he kills the neighbors pet. Then you actually wonder WHY someone called the police on him? Maybe because you are being negligent in leaving your violent child to wander around on his own with toys he can bludgeon animals with! And as for the thoughtless, selfish 'comment' your friend made about ' what other action should be taken other than compensation when a pet dies'....that is simply disgusting. As if to make up for their killed pet, all you had to do was waltz over, apologize, and offer to replace the animal! My only hope is that you yourself will be prosecuted for negligence when it goes to court. The way you make excuses for the violence exhibited by your mentally ill child is horrifying - WAKE UP.

Posted by: Helen at June 5, 2006 06:26 AM

I have to agree with the other person who commented on your story - it seems to me that you are being negligent. Your entire story contains accounts of him hitting you, other children, and then killing a dog. WHY was he even allowed out by himself? You better stop deluding yourself about your kid and deal with reality before he seriously hurts someone.

Posted by: Sari at July 14, 2006 10:59 AM

"Parenting is like ...."
Great analogy!
Cited in and be part of Analogies Archive.

Posted by: Carl at October 5, 2007 07:12 AM

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