June 29, 2004

Has anyone fully recovered from this disease?

I was wondering if anyone knows someone who has fully recovered from this illness? I've read about it but haven't met anyone yet who has. I had heard that your mind improves after 40; but my friends tell me that that doesn't happen.

Sometimes I feel that the world is a peaceful place and that people are basically good; but other times I believe that the world is just an oppressive place and it's "man against the universe". I realize that this puts a dark cloud over my entire existence and has my whole life. I really want to change that. I don't know where the pessimism or distrust comes from. I suspect it is partially learned and partially chemical. My Geodon doesn't cut out the paranoia. I wonder if I need to try Abilify.

I realized the other day that I am terrified of dying alone, in poverty, and obscurity. Does anyone else feel like that?

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at June 29, 2004 02:24 AM | TrackBack


I fear dying alone too, but you just have to keep hope boxed up and press through your fears.

Posted by: Wesley Keen at July 19, 2004 01:25 AM

I always think I am recovered. Then things turn to shit again. I think dying alone is probably my biggest fear but at the same time i think its inevitable as well. I mean who could really love me? Im too fucked up to love

Posted by: Owie at August 24, 2004 01:10 PM

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