February 12, 2005

I flunked out on the job interview

I didn't get the job. I don't think I'm up to it. I think I'll search for a volunteer job which could possibly lead to employment later. I would like to get a mentor. Someone who works in a field I might be successful in. I am thinking of suggesting to the staff at the local clubhouse that they offer a vollunteer coordinator who could find consumers jobs like that. I think it would be so beneficial for us to have a purpose as well as a goal for the future. That would certainly be better than having clients hang out all day, play pool, smoke and do menial chores like kitchen duty or janitorial. Just think of all the money they would save if they farmed us all out to meaningful daily activities.

Anyhow I have been staying home too much lately. It has been boring. That's why I need a volunteer job. If I'm home alone my mental health deteriorates and so I can't work; but if I am not feeling well on my meds then I can't work either. What I'm trying to say is: what comes first? Since I'm recalibrating my meds now I think I must be satisfied with volunteer work.

I don't know if I should finish my degree in Social Services for Special Populations because those jobs don't pay very well. I'm looking into other things which are cheaper and have shorter course lengths.

I found out that my sisters are afraid of my illness. Translation: They hate it. Probably the anger/depression aspect. So I have to put them in a boat with my Dad and Stepmom and set them out to sea. They are not really avialable anyway so it kind is a relief to learn that. My illness is only 50% of my personality; but they don't see the other parts of me. It is strange and sad to let go; but I can't will away the difficulties I face.

Funny Day

Today brought fear and other uninvited guests
and the beginning of my mindfulness
and that's when I discovered
that happiness is free
the angel of medicine
brought healing tonics
I discovered detox in a box
and the gift of change was mine.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at February 12, 2005 01:49 AM


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