December 24, 2005

Feliz Noche Buena/Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah etc.

Hello again. Tonight I am going to celebrate La Noche Buena at my boyfriend's brother's house. I am a little nervous about it, but also excited. I will meet his five year old daughter tonight. Tomorrow night night I will have a dinner at my Mom's house. I won a dvd on the radio of The Concert For Bangladesh. It happend in 1971 and I know that my mom will love it. I had to answer a trivia question to win it. They asked what type of shoes Ravi Shankar was wearing onstage. I answered that he had been barefoot. My friend Annette was on the front row at the concert. It was at Madison Square Garden.

Unfortunately I was the victim of identity theft. I received a bill for a sprint pcs phone two days ago and I don't own a cell phone. So now I must do a lot of paperwork and pull my credit report to see what damages have been done.

I went to a great party on Wednesday. The gifts for giving party. I picked out a gift for myself. It was a journal with a leopard print on the outside. It came with a squishy pen that writes with pink ink. I saw so many old friends there that I have known for around fifteen years. I ran into people I had gone to Japan with in 1997. We have a special bond I think. I dressed up in a black sweater dress with some fluffy stuff on the collar.

I have decided that the pain is correlated to the hypoglycemia. I was having a lot of dizzyness recently and want to learn to manage that better. I went to a Dr. (my Gp) and he kind of pissed me off. I had gone in for a perscription for a glucose test and he was fifteen minutes late for my appointment. I know that that is normal but then he took someone else ahead of me which wasn't necessary. It was the pharmaceuticals sales person. She walked into the office and announced that she had lots of goodies for the office. So then he took her first. I just walked out. I don't need that treatment. He called and left a long message to excuse himself (it wasn't really an apology)and I just deleted it. He won't get my business in the future. He makes you walk in as an appointment to get a blood test form. That way he can charge the state for an office visit. B.S.

I forgot to mention that at the party on Wednesday a stanger walked up to me and asked me if my hair color was natural. I told her that it had kind of been an accident. She was giving me compliments and saying she loved it. How funny! The woman I was sitting with got a little upset after the first one walked away and said that she shouldn't have asked if it was natural or not. That it had been rude. But I didn't take it that way. The friend i was sitting with (China)and I took a phot with santa. I didn't want to at first because I thought that a bunch of adults don't need to be sitting on santa's lap and all that; but then she convinced me and we took it together. We din't sit we stood. He hugged us and said I have two beautiful ladies to take the photo with. Well what else do you expect santa to say.

I ran out of my Lexapro for two weeks and just got one in my body again yesterday. Whew that was tumultuous. I won't try that again. I just realized that words with a repeating letter are harder to type because of the dyslexia. I laugh about it now though.

I realized yesterday that I should have been diagnosed with selective mutism as a child. I still freeze sometimes. I don't know if that is what causes me some touble with verbal communication or what; but I need some training on those skills. Victor tells me that I stay quiet a lot. This is creating problems. When I know someone and trust them I am quite verbal though.

I am considering moving. When Victor signs the lease the rent will increase to $950 or so. That is much too much for a small apartment like this. So I have begun to search the ads and have found some decent alternatives perhaps. I haven't run the idea by him though yet. I will speak to him about it soon. Suddenly I feel empowered to do such a thing.

I want to get my poetry book pubished. I have a lot to put in there now. I also do black and white photography. I haven't done the developing in a while; but I really enjoy doing that. I want to make a calendar of photos. I must pick a theme. I saw a book on dogs in New Jersey. (a photo book) I could do L.A. dogs. There are a lot of small dogs here. People must have small dogs because of small living space. But then you also have your fair share of pit bulls. Those are scary.

Here is a new poem.

Searching for Grandma and Grandpa Wilcox
in a box of clutter,
a few years since their passings,
searching for things lost
things missing,
and things disappeared.

Finding only signs of an aristocratic
life in India,
locating my dad and his sisters
as children
non-judgemental yet judged,
being reminded of the pious frugal life
led by two who did not understand.
Reminded of the biannual visits
knowing that I should have listened more
to capture our story.

Finding fifty year old postcards
and a hundred year old oratory book
packed with spoofs on accents
and Scientology.

I see a lighter side of a couple
who had their car carried through a river
by citizens of India
(like deities)
for a family who brought
in the irrigation.

Now I see a couple disappointed
in their son's first wife
a lesbian mother
and remember the strain
as the child
who looked into those pious eyes.

The other day I was thinking that I don't want my epitaph to read "I should have done it better."

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at December 24, 2005 03:35 PM


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