December 02, 2006

Heaven or Hell and back again...

Thanks so much for staying posted on my blog. I had to go into the hospital. It was because I went a little manic one night. On october 24 I went in and I just got out on Wednesday November 30. I went for a long walk the night of October 24 because I began losing sleep as I was quite concerned about my physical ilnesses. I began having paranoia and false ideas. So as I came back to my home I stopped at Denny's to rest because I needed my inhalers and I had become physically exhausted. I waited there until daylight and then continued coming home. I felt I was being followed so I stopped at Albertson's to go to the pharmacy and ask for assistance. I went to the pharmacy and told them that I had Tourret's, OCD, and that I needed some water and food. I was too scared to go back to my apartment although I was very close to home by that time. I felt a sense of panic because there had been the bank fraud and also major repairs needing to be made on my apartment so I felt very threatened about remaining here. I felt that the apartment manager should be fired because of the plumbing company that came to do a repair in my kitchen and then stole my check book and did the fraud. As you may or may not recall now I needed my kitchen sink repaired for a very long time and it was inoperable and unsanitary. The very plumbing company who sent the plumbers who did the fraud had to come back a few different times because they didn't do a sufficient job. The manager had the nerve to come tell me not to stop up the garbage disposal again because the plumbers took about 2 hours to finish the job. I guess this is a way of telling me that I had cost the managment company a lot of money. The problem lies with the management company also. They are making tons of profit off of me and all the other renters here and in their other buildings; but they are too cheap to make the required repairs. SO what happens is they make insufficient repairs and things continue to deteriorate.

So I will now tell you briefly about my hospital stay. I was sent from the local hospital very far from my home clsoe to LAX airport to Metropolitan Hospital in Hawthorne,CA. It is a notorious hospital for violations. How this materialized for me was that they were physically abusive in trying to coerce me into taking pills that I haven't been on for years. They tried to get me to take Risperidal, Seroquel, and Benadryl. I don't like any of them; but I was willing to take the Benadryl as I am used to taking that as a PRN. Seroquel was also being given to me at night. I found that even though I was taking heavily sedating drugs before bedtime and I was being given Risperidal in a quick release tab throughout the day before meals I still could not sleep more than 3 hours at night and then I would awaken and do a few things and go back to sleep. I realize that the Risperidal was probably a good idea; but I can't take that drug because it sedates me and I sleep during the day and it also messes up my digestion. So what I am thinking of doing is taking a low dose of Abilify now and seeing if maybe that is the magic answer. It is always the lesser of two evils and I have suffered all of the evils known to be the side effects of these drugs. Abilify seems to be tolerable in a low dose for me. I must maintain my exercise even on rainy or hot days though or I will gain weight again. I have a treadmill in my apartment that I bought because I don't enjoy working out on that at the gym. I do however believe that I could benefit from Yoga and possibly aqua aerobics or a dance class at the YMCA. (Young Men's Christian Association) They offer low cost memberships and I benefit more form these classes there than walking on the treadmill since I walk to the gym which is a mile and a half or so away from here. I could also utelize the weight bearing machines and possibly the Life Cycle. I don't like to ride the bicycle here in L.A. because of the hazard of riding in the busy streets. Many people ride on the sidewalk but this is not possible all of the time because there are so many earthquake damaged sidewalks that this is impossible. The sidewalks are often formed in a triangle over the tree roots and other spots too. I also need to maintain a healthy diet. The food in the hopsital, while mostly delicious; was off of my diet plan. I try to avoid pork and beef and ususally don't eat things with a lot of cream. I noticed that while I was in the hospital I kept falling asleep when I didn't want to and I believe this was partially due to the length between my meals. I have to have a lot of protein and so I eat small meals every three hours. Sometimes I eat a very small meal (a snack) within two hours of finishing my previous meal.

So on to bigger and better things now right? I will try to fill my calendar with exciting things to do for the holiday season and also with cultural events that I normally try to maintain a life full of. I took it easy yesterday and straightened and organized my apartment yesterday and also on Thursday. I rested some on Wednesday and also cleaned some then too. I took a long walk on Thursday (the long way home)so that I could traverse a street nearby that I find delightfully like Mexico. It has beautiful Spanish tile roofs on almost all of the homes on it (a suburban street) and it is resplendid with foliage that looks so well cared for and is quite beautiful. I walked to get three newspapers. I picked up The L.A. Weekly which is an entertainment weekly as well a a left leaning political paper and also I picked up the Hoy magazine which is another free newspaper you can pick up in a box nearby. Hoy is written in Spanish and is similar to the Los Angeles Times. I then went to a local mom and pop liquor store and purchased an Los Angeles Times in English. Thursday and Sunday L.A. TImes have excellent entertainment sections in them. They also have other nifty sections. The Hoy paper is geared toward the Mexican and Central American Immigrants living here in L.A. I like to keep abreasted of that news too.

Last night my Mom and I went to see a Christmas play that our good friend Tina was in. It was a modern take off on the traditional Christmas pageant but had some current political and technological undertones. A teenager was the star and he was a tradition Christmas cynic. He doesn't have the money to purchase nice gifts and hates the fact that there is usually no world peace at Christmas and that we only give to the homeless at Christmas and Thanksgiving. So throughout the play they have the traditional religious songs and also some caroling.

I am working myself up to going to a Christmas tree lighting ceremony across the street from my house in a large lot that two churches share. There will probably be singing, hot chocolate, and cookies.
I have asked a few people if they would like to go and no one wants to go; so I will probably go alone. I think it will be nice. This is the church that I usually go to when I drag myself in to celebrate God.

I am going to Walt Disney Music Hall near Christmas day to hear the Messiah concert with my Mom. Also there are a few meetings I would like to attend. One of those is the L.A. County Client Coalition which meets and has offices at The Department of Mental Health. They meet once a month and they report directly to the head honcho of Dmh (MArvin Southard). I have an earful to give them in the form of a letter. I want to make sure that nothing I report about the hospital violations is lost in translation. I also would like to join the local neighborhood council. I will attempt to attend a meeting soon. This is an advisory to mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. I want to got to the next poetry meeting of the group I have joined but have never attended.

I plan on taking a bit of my savings and investing it in classes at UCLA extension. University of Southern California offers courses open to the public at a per class rate which pertain to many artistic venues. I would like to take a course on disabilities, a course on writing and a course on some type of film production.

I wrote a new poem wich I will return soon to post here.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at December 2, 2006 04:02 PM


I haven't commented before, but wanted to let you know I'm glad you're back. I've read all of your entries and was alarmed when you were gone for so long, especially after your big health scare. I know new stuff will keep happening but I'm curious about what else happened during your hospital stay, if you met interesting people, etc. So, if you're inclined to write more about it I'll be reading it. I hope you're able to get your meds straightened out and keep up on the exercise.


Posted by: Maria at December 5, 2006 12:28 AM

hi there, it kinda strange..well the feeling i'm getting as am writing this message. i'm a 19 year old student from England, first generation nigerian..and i felt really motivated in my heart to write a short extract called Schizophrenia vs Spiritualism, and i felt in order to do this, i will need some info and all the lot, however i never planned on reading any personal blogs, but i found myself reading was very intrested i have to say, and i felt there was so much that could have been said, i don't know why..perhaps its just want maria is saying, about if you got any info on intresting people you meet. however i just wanted to know if you would be willing to give me your email address, i would like to get to know and be a friend.


Posted by: David at January 29, 2007 12:09 AM

I am sorry for having to respond to you both via my comments spot but I have my computer in my mother's garage and I am currently being forced to live in a board and care in Altadena, Ca. I was living in a city outside of Hollywood and in the city of Los Angeles, Ca. I have been away for so long due to several hospitalizations. It seems as though time has gotten away from me and I can';t tell which end is up and I have been in once again. It was that I was arrested straight out of my mother;s home and taken in hand cuffs to a hospital by the police in L.A. they were not kind in the way they put these handcuffs on and they were kliliing me. I was just having an converstaion with an officer and they sat and wached me eat pizza as I was quite famished and then as I was not done eating they dragged me to a hospital in a m,ountain side where all medi-cal recipients are taken. This is the only fornm of insurance I am eligible to recienve. I am not in control of the situation in my lkife anymore. All sembalnce of normalcy has dissappeared. I have been locked away in terrible and inhumane environs on and off again since Last Fall. I have done no one wrong. I am trying to live a quiet life and this shit keeps happening. Who is to say why. I would enjpoy communicating with anyone who writes me here. I will just sya thoguh that this screwy site doesn't allow me to know how many viewers I have or who they are. It is a glitch that is just there. I just deal with it. That is why I am always going hello is anyone theree because it seems that no one really cares about our cause.

while I was staying in the lovely pANORAMA cITY HOPSITAL i was rooming with a dear friend of mine who is really a sister by now and she has her own sad issues right now. I haven't been able to contact her since she was discharged into this scary world because I don't have access to my address book as my mom misplaced it. Screwy. My life has become screwy and volatile. It is depressing and people sometimes find it funny!!!! Try walking a mikllle in my shoes eh!%%^^ Who needs it I certainly don't and I don't need every fool at every hamburger stand to try to offer me advice that basiclaly they can take and shove up thaeir asses. They don't know the intellect they are fooling with here.

Posted by: Heather Wilcox at February 28, 2007 06:31 PM

I will tell anyone that is still listening that I know it is not easy to understand but my url is taped to my computer and now I am using my Mom's computer and I am not writing in a way that is detectable to people who might tune in. I am no longer in the screwy board and care in Altadena where they discharged me from after a stay in the hospital.

I was homeless and staying in shelters for a week. That was no fun but oh the stories that people decide to let slip out while talking to me. One man did arson and was never caught. Well that was quite a long week. Last I wrote I was in a public library. I am hot on the trail of housing though.

I really wish I knew my url; but I will get my new home soon and will immediately hook up the computer.

I have been trying to piece together the events of the past year and it is very foggy. There has been some mania and there have also been thoughts of suicide. What can I say my health went into the toilet, my boyfriend left and someone close to me died.

I am debating moving to Texas; but don't know if that would be better or worse. That will be a decision to make later on anyhow. Right now though housing is an emergency.

Tomorrow I am due to see a guest house and hope it works out.

Life is very lonely for me now because I have been cut off from friends for so long now. I honestly don't know how to start all over again in my life. I don't feel up to attemping to reconnect with people yet.

Posted by: Heather Wilcox at March 13, 2007 10:37 PM

Heather this is Peter from another blog. You can find the URL if you ask the people. I think you should legally be worried about blogging. That said don't mention so many names and places specifically be more general. No one knows from my blog exactly where I work or my real name or my friend's real names. Take care, take meds, take vitamins, sing and laugh and write on.

Posted by: Peter T at March 24, 2007 02:54 AM

hello. i have a friend that i think may be schizophrenic. the problem is, she honestly believes someone is following her, that its not in her head. also, she abuses crystal meth. shes had a pretty rough year.. she was in a car accident that almost killed her, and then her mom left. i really want to be there for her and support her, but i dont know what to say when she tells me she hears voices and that someone is following her. any suggestions?

Posted by: katie at March 30, 2007 08:15 PM

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