November 22, 2004

I'm excited today

The weekend is over and I survived. I didn't pick up my lexapro on Thursday or Friday and really suffered over the weekend because of it. I really think that the county should contract with pharmacies that provide service on the weekends. Weekends are really hard sometimes because I feel pressure to do more. Sometimes there is nowhere to go or I don't have money to do anything. I am suffering from seasonal affective disorder and so it is hard to stay awake past 3pm. Yesterday felt like winter for the first time. It was cold, dark, and blustery. I thought it might snow.

I applied for financial aid for education and hopefully will hear back from them soon.

I am reading a book on complementary medicine for the mind. It mentions light therapy and tai chi amongst other things. I put a lamp on my amazon wishlist. I should start using my Y membership to do tai chi. I had been waiting for someone to go with me; but I don't think that that is going to happen.

I've got a few job leads so I'm happy about that. There are a few parties for me to go to in December. My friend a 60 year old wanted to take me to the nutcracker at $35 per ticket but then he called up (after we had poker all night)and said he couldn't see me anymore because all I care about is the money. He basically called me a gold digger. He was being paranoid and he still hasn't called me back. My friend H. has been psychotic for a month and has been hard to reach. I have another friend who can only take two Haldols because it causes him pain to take the three he needs. He has Tardive Dyskinesia in his neck and shoulder. He doesn't function very well which is indicated by the fact that his main activity is travelliing from one coffee shop to the next all day and some of the night. He is very intelligent. His first language is Persian, he is fluent in English, and he is reading novels in Spanish. I have to go eat now.

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November 12, 2004

I'm looking for a new job

I quit my job. I became quite depressed in October as I had removed the antidepressants, it began to get dark (Fall) and my hormones were screwed up due to the poly cystic ovaries. I returned to the clinic I had been going to 14 years ago. I feel good there. They gave me lithobid, lexapro, abilify, and a neurologist gave me Klonipin. I feel sleepy during the day; but am able to laugh a good deal of the time. I feel at a loss now because I don't have a passtime. Sometimes people are able to do things with me. Mostly I'm wondering what I can do for a living. I'm short on skills. Marketable ones anyhow.

I'm considering starting a paralegal course in January. I am due to go to Valley Employment Services soon to see what they say is right for me. This service is only for the clients in the community mental health network.

Today I had fun. My Mom and I went to the Getty and saw a few photo exhibits. They were funny photos as they reminded us of our family snapshots from the 40's to the 60's. I really needed a good laugh. On the way to the museum my mom mentioned that I could possibly get work at the red cross next door to me and I told her that they wanted a disaster coordinator and she said well your a disaster and you know how to get coordinated! It really kind of stung at first. But now it is kind of funny. Sometimes I feel defeated by her because she has this way of telling me what she thinks I wouldn't be good at. She once told me that I was a bird who had learned to fly with no wings. That is kind of beautiful. I used to drag myself when i was learning to crawl.

I finally saw the first half of Angels in America. I couldn't bring myself to watch the second DVD because of my depression. It was an excellent film and I want to see the rest of it. There were a few mentally ill people in the movie. I thought the part where Merryl Streep's character demands that the Schiz. woman snap out of her psychosis was funny. She actually snapped out of it for a few seconds. One character has agorophobia and takes too much valium. It was good. I reccomend it.

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