March 10, 2004

weekend wiles and woes

This has been one heck of a weekend. My father is calling all of the siblings and they just don't uinderstand the illness. However, all of them are getting a brochure from me this week to understand the illness better and to understand why he has strange behavior. Once again, his behavior is strange to us and normal to him because he is not taking his meds. I explained to one of my sisters that he does not mean any harm by his actions; to him things seem to be a reality, but we know that they are not. My reason for giving them the brochure is not for them to take care of him, but for them to understand schizophrenia as a whole and its impact on a family and the individual. The person with the illness really feels like they do not need the medication or either they do not like the way the medication makes them feel. They could also be using or taking something else that is known to conflict with the medicine that they do not want to give up.

Also, always remember that the older a person with this brain disease gets, the worse that the disease gets and the risk for suicide gets greater. The reason for this is because sometimes they feel like they simply cannot go on living this way with this disease and sometimes they feel like they are a burden to their families. Suicide, though is a selfish act because it leaves behind grieving family members and also the person who committed the suicide did not think of how his or her actions would affect others. At that time all they are thinking of is getting out of their misery. For example, Spalding Gray, who was just found in the river after being missing for 2 months, left behind two sons, ages 11 and 6 and a dear and loving wife. He had Bi-Polar disorder, nevertheless, he attempted suicide after that car accident he was in. He was a very successful actor-writer, however his illness took over. It is the same with schizophrenia, which is a deeper, brain disorder and is much more difficult to deal with and to treat. Spalding Gray's mother at the age of 52 had committed suicide. She also had Bi-Polar disorder. What I am trying to say is this: It is important to realize that no matter what your disorder may be, you can live with it. You can accomplish many things and do whatever it is in life that you wish to. However, you must continue to take your mediciane and cooperate with the medical experts entrusted tp your care. I, like Spalding Gray have to deal with Bi-Polar disorder each and everyday. I continue to do the things in life that makes me happy. For example, I do very well in college, activities, I write poetry and I recently finsihed a photograophy course. That's my hobby. I enjoy candles, dolls, music and dancing. Keeping this blog page to encourage those with schizophrenia and their family members to keep going even if you are depressed some days-it will not last forever, there will be better days. This helps me to keep hope alive. As I am typing this, I could be watching television, but I prefer typing this to help someone who could be feeling down. I have been feeling down today myself until about 2:30 and I did not get out until 3pm. I felt better. It is 10:00 pm and I am getting tired but I had to share some things wiith all of you. School work is piling up; yet spring break is near. Back to my father, I will not let him interfere with my life, yet I will help him when I can. If he needs to go to the store and I am available, I will take him. I do have a responsibility and obligation before the Creator to love both of my parents and do what I rightfully can as long as I able physially, mentally and emotionally. However, if I am unable for some reason, then I cannot for that moment or period of time. I cannot enable or be a co-depependent as long as another person or family member can take care of themselves first. So, my weekend ended and on Monday, I found out that confusion on my fahter's part still existed, due to not taking medication. Is it my fault? Emphatically, NO! It is Tuesday. He called 6:30 this morning and left a message. I called him today; have not been able to reach him. I tried a few minutes ago; no answer. I will try one more time before 11pm to say goodnight and find out how his day went. No talk about medication on my part because that is when I get upset and start raising my voice and then he plays the role of a child that is tall and he gets upset and hangs the phone up. Oh, well! Always remember: you cannot change a grown person and the serenity prayer: In my next entry, I will share some positive quotes with you and also let you know how my father is doingt....(daughterfirstborn)

Posted by at March 10, 2004 03:25 AM | TrackBack


What is wrong with you?

Posted by: Adam at March 16, 2004 04:45 AM

You write with great clarity.Will public and family knowledge ever increase? I sense your fatigue. I wish you and your dad well,but you are number one in your life.Take care.D.M.Canada

Posted by: DianeMacfadyen at March 20, 2004 05:01 AM

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