A Daughter's Story: May 2004 Archives

May 30, 2004

Four Walls-His Choice

Hello to all of you, It is a new day. First of all, I would like to thank Christina for her comment on my last entry. I wish the best for you as well and I am trying to get in touch with you. Please contact me again.

As far as my father is concerned, he has made his decision to stay in four walls, sending a neighbor to the store for him, calling securityon a telephone from his apartment, like he is in some hotel or something, and getting broke at that. He has made his choice. Not to take the medication. Therefore, I have made mine. I am to leave him alone until he goes back to the hospital, resume his medications for schizophrenia and stop this unnecessary foolishness of being non-compliant. I refuse to let him take me down under with him. He simply does not care. He knows what he is doing. He is not cooperating at all with those who are sincerely trying to help him. Therefore, the only time I will conribute to the site again is if I have some kind of connection with him at least by phone once a week or talk to the gentleman who he sends to the store and get some information. One last note, my uncle will continue to stop by to see him once a week and will see what he can do to get him committed by the necessary medical and psychiatric team if necessary. Thank you and good day. (daughterfirstborn, 46) Perhaps I will talk with all of you soon, I hope so.

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May 11, 2004


Hello to all of you today. I most certainly hope that everyone is well. For all of you who are mothers diagnosed with the challenge of schizophrenia, I hope that you have a good day today. For those of you who are taking care of your mothers, continue to endure and take care of them to the best of your ability, for you only get one mother. I am not a mother; however I am an aunt and I love my nieces and nephews. Also, there are many young persons who I have taught during my twenty-five years of teaching special education that were like my own. I see them every now and then and I always get a hug that is truly appreciated.

I have not been on the site for several weeks due to illness. I am feeling somewhat better, although I must continue to rest. I have doctor appointments for the rest of the month in addition to finishing my courses at the university. I hope that the current experiences are encouraging for you to read and I am sure that you are giving them positive feedback. All of the persons that are keeping journals on this site are not having it easy in their lives. They are living day by day, moment by moment in their respective situations. Sometimes they have very weighty decisions to make. That includes myself.

My father is still bent on not taking his medications. At the age of sixty-nine, he is determined that he is not going to. However, the PACT team has decided to step in and assist. The PACT team is contacted when the psychiatrists and therapists at the clinic can no longer assist the consumer in following through on his or her commitments. This may include the following through on scheduled monthly appointments and the taking of prescribed medications.

The responsibility of the PACT team is to contact my father and to see where they can assist him in taking his medications, to find out WHY he is not taking them, to see if they can come by and give him his medications daily or admit him to a facility and make sure he is given the medication in injection form.
Sometimes a consumer(patient) cannot make the decison on their own, especially if the medication is desperately needed and the person does not realize it because they feel they are doing good without it. Once again, the PACT team is trained to possibly remove the individual from the home and it is possible that the person is involuntary committed to a mental health facility for a unspecified or specified amount of time, depending on the progress that is made. I gave my father a nice warning months ago that if he did not take his medications each day as prescribed, that eventually he would end up in the hospital. My father each day is suffering. He is trying very hard not to go to the hospital, as I have mentioned to all of you before in prior journals. He is in a state of extreme paranoia. He is continuing to send persons to the store for him, to check his mailbox(which is only down stairs in the building), he fears persons are in a scandal after him, he fears that someone is listening to the phone conversation and that persons on the television screen are looking directly at him. THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR ON THE PART OF A FAMILY MEMBER WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT FUN, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT THE NORMAL BEHAVIOR IS NOT OF THIS CALIBER. IT HURTS ME TO SEE MY FATHER RESPOND AND ACT IN THIS MANNER AND IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT MY FAULT. LET US PUT THE BLAME WHERE IT REALLY LIES. I am letting all of you know, for those of you with paranoid schizophrenia (or any type of) who are supposed to take medication, please take it! Do not continue to hurt those who care for you with non-compliance. The medicine was prescribed to you for a reason. I am not trying to lecture you; I am pleading with you out of love. It is 2:00 am in the moring. I could be sleep. I am getting this information to you so that you can have it. When I go to sleep in my part of the globe, perhaps some of you will be awakening. If the medicine has side effects that you don't like, seek the doctor out and ask for a change. Don't just stop the medicine and suffer, please. My father is near seventy years of age; he is set in his ways. Some of you I am sure are younger and can change before it is too late. It is never too late to change. If you are battling a chemical addiction simultaneously, there is still help. There are MICA programs to help those who have chemical addictions as well. MICA stands for "Mentally Ill, Chemically Addicted." A lot of persons are dual diagnosed. They have a mental illness as well as a chemical addiction. I feel that my father has some kind of chemical addiction, whether it is some kind of drug or alcohol and that is probably why he does not want to take the medication. It conflicts. My father is a very intelligent man and he knows what he is doing. He has chosen his non-compliance over his relationship with me (his daughter) I have always been there for him and I always will be. I am just a phone call away. What I refuse to do is to go by and watch my father slowly fade away because of something that he chooses not to do, I will not cater to him like he is a child and I will not put his needs ahead of my own. I will be forty-six this month and I must take care of me.

RECENT EXPERIENCE: For the past two days/nights, I have been having chest pains with numbness on the right side of my mouth and right arm. I had muscle spasms in the chest. signs and symtoms of a possible heart attack and stroke. Guess who was around to help daughter firstborn? No one, but myself. I took my own self to the emergency room. The necessary tests were performed, EKG, Chest Xray, blood work, and urine. Everything was fine. Now, as far as the numbness on the right side of my face, last week I did suffer a small mini-stroke because of a stress attack, with spasms and side effects. I have no idea when the numbness will go away but I do know this: I will not let the actions of my father cause me unnecessary aggravation again. I could have lost my life last week worrying about my father and he would have still been living being non-compliant! The lesson in this: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST, THEN YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVED ONE WHO IS ILL, IF YOU ARE ILL, PLEASE TAKE YOUR MEDS, DON'T CAUSE ADDITIONAL STRESS ON YOUR FAMILY MEMBER.


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