June 15, 2004

My daughter's birthday

My daughter's birthday was a week ago. She is now twenty nine years old. I took her to some places where she wanted to go. She seemed happy. As always she picked up some gifts for her brother and her friends. Her brother who is five years younger to her and who works in another city rang her up to wish her and spoke to her for a long time. She felt happy and I felt so happy too. He normally does not talk to her for a long time but he did that day. He seems to love the work he does for he gets so involved that he sometimes forgets to eat his meals and sleep at a regular time. I worry about him. I know that he is learning to live with his sister's illness in his own way. I can understand for I see it in his eyes when we talk about my daughter whenever he asks about her. It has taken over eight years for him to reach this stage when he can ask about his sister, the illness and the medications.

On her birthday, my daughter was happy till the evening and then she felt the familiar feeling of sadness rising like a mist from within her. After she took her evening medication most of it dispelled. She remarked later that although it had been a happy day it was strange that sadness made its presence felt. I think schizophrenia was reminding us that it too was around.

I had talked to a girl from a leading newspaper in the last week of May. When I rang her up again she said she had not been well so she had been away. She asked for more information which I gave it to her.

I am leaving tomorrow for a place in the Himalayas for a spiritual retreat. My husband has taken leave so that he can be with my daughter. I will be away for some time. I have always been wanting to go there for a long time and hopefully if all goes well I will be there tomorrow at this time.

Thank you for your comments
Dear Barb,
I am sorry to hear about your brother but then he is fortunate to have an understanding sister and your mother a supportive daughter. My prayers are with you, your mother and brother.

Dear Nick,
I hope all is well. Thank you for responding.

Dear Moeder,
The present medications seem to be suiting my daughter. Quetiapine helps her to sleep well and her concentration has improved. However she is still on Haldol too. I can only pray that this dosage helps her for a long long time. I am so happy to hear that Cassie is also better.
Dear mother you are so right about this grief which overwhelms us. It never goes away. It lingers somewhere deep within. Sometimes I am able to transcend it. I wish NAMI was active here too. Currently there are no organisations in Delhi, which are making an effort to create awareness about mental illness. My prayers are always with you, Cassie and your family.

Dear Ruby,
Yes we share a similar pain and have been through a journey which only we can understand. I hope your son is better now. My prayers are with you.

Posted by survivor at June 15, 2004 08:40 PM


I hope that you find peace on your well deserved retreat...I will be praying for you as well.

Posted by: Barb at June 16, 2004 03:11 AM

Dear Mother,

I'm so happy for you that your son is starting to deal with his sister's illness. My two healthy daughters, Mia and Manya, have a very difficult time with it but I believe it takes time to process the realization that this illness will not go away. I am praying that all three of my daughters will be able to communicate with each other in an open way.

You mentioned your daughter's sadness in the evening. Is it possible to talk to a doctor about changing your daughter's anti-depressants from once a day to splitting it to twice a day. Once in the morning and the rest of the dose in the late afternoon. I know someone who has done that and it has helped this person tremendously.

The Himalyas.... that sounds so exotic to me. I've seen pictures of the great Himalyas and they are incredible beautiful. You deserve a retreat dear mother. I hope the time spent there has been renewing for your spirit.


Posted by: Moeder at June 23, 2004 02:49 AM

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