December 04, 2007

I crammed the evening away at school.

We have lost. Our project is not done and major gaps are still evident in the program. We did spend about three hours this evening working on it. I am home now and should sleep but it is too late now. I just read a book on statistics and have made some coffee. I also ate an apple and that is the last fresh fruit in the house. I fear bankruptcy is just around the corner.

But speaking of studies I have a new topic to study namely HTML stylesheets. I am continuing to study statistics but have lightened up on Internet studies.

R has gotten extra help at school and may in fact graduate with his high school diploma this spring. I told him I was non-judgmental about his dropping out and yet I encouraged him to return. He has now returned. You may know that those of us with schizophrenia tend to start projects that will really help us but then fall behind and quit. This is a strong lesson for me and the opposite continuing on forever is also not what it seems. In fact, we all need to think and reassess from time to time. By sticking out my awful jobs I am now rewarded. I was given a workplace fleece sweater yesterday for speaking out at work about mental illness. We did not use the actual word schizophrenia at all yesterday. The MI word mental illness came up but may be you could use the IMF that is impossible missions force acronym to feel better about that. I used the examples of Margaret Trudeau and Sally Field so I could pretend to have depression whereas, in fact, if you know me you would probably wish I was a little more down and quiet and a little less excited and happy.

The real reward I have right now is my work place tasks have become more interesting and are, in fact, an extension of my studies from back in 1999 to 2002. So I can give up a little now on day dreaming of being a spy or security agent which is yes paranoid thinking and I hope I never ever have to be a security guard again. Useful skills no very useful skills to have in that work and I retain these skills but much better to focus on more academic skills with more wage power. It is also a lot less boring. So I have been doing more constructive work for about two months now and also my unique skills in mathematics and computer programming are being used at work so my work place productivity is now able to meet my quality which has always been there. I am not really arrogant I am only writing some self reflection by the way.

Posted by petert at December 4, 2007 11:35 PM


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