March 01, 2004
diagnosis and beyond
Full of nervous energy I got on the internet. Thank God and Greyhound I found this site. I read until my eyes wouldn't focus anymore. I could not believe that everything my son had been going through was in these posts. For so long I just knew that there was something wrong besides him just being a bad kid. When I finally got to go see him it was such a relief. I had talked to him on the phone and he sounded just like my "old" son, the one who had been lost in this disease. What a weird kind of relief. When I talked to the doctors I was horrified to find out that while he was in the Wyoming State Hospital they had diagnosed him as bi-polar!! NO ONE TOLD ME All they said was he was depressed and needed Paxil! He spent about 9 days in hospital. Those were the longest nine days of my life, or so I thought. I spent hours looking up this dreaded disease and was ashamed of how I though about MI and the people it affected. It is so hard to understand something you don't know.
I have never been one to keep my mouth shut, and I was truly amazed at the number of people that I knew who had family members with sz. Once I started talking they would open up.......a kindred spirit I suppose. My goal was to talk to as many people as possible, to learn and to teach. Brother, is there a lot of ignorance flying around out there......and I was one of the most ignorant. But, I learn well. My biggest road block was the school. Lordy has that been a battle. The principle wanted a statement from the doctor saying that he was "ok" before he would let him back in school. The superintendent wanted to expel him, and the teachers were scared to death. I talked myself blue in the face trying to get them to do some research, but to no avail. I requested he be evaluated for an IEP so that he could get his education. That was in December of 2002. By law they are required to follow up on a request in a timely manner. HAH......Instead of evaluating him and coming up with a plan, they just continued to suspend him for his "behavior" problems........He is a senior in high school with 3 credits.........do we think we have a problem here? Once again ignorance ruled the world. I know I may sound bitter, but that is because I am. I have had more doors slammed in my face.........The principal even had the nerve to tell me that I needed to back off and quit standing up for him. He said that my son had to take responsibility for his own actions........granted this is true but there was NO WAY I was going to quit going to bat for him.
Posted by mother at March 1, 2004 04:02 AM
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Most women become Mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100.000.00 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow i visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew"
"Forest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecelia" "Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerald, he's use to profanity.
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, give her a handicapped child. The angel is curious, Why this one, God ? She is so happy.
Exactly, smiles God. Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel. But has she patience? asked the angel. I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. When the shock and the resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and indapendance that is so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy.
But, God, I don't think she even believes in you. God smiles, no matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough "selfishness" The angel gasps, "selfishness"? Is that a virtue? God nods. If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word" she will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "momma" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.
And what about her patron saint? asked the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles, a mirror will suffice.
Posted by: Tracie at March 9, 2004 04:19 PM
I am relieved to know that I am not alone. I have had to go through almost the same thing with my son and school. I have to agree unless you have been faced with mental illness you find out how ignorant you really are as well as others. Be encouraged and stay in the fight.
Posted by: armeta at April 28, 2004 12:14 AM
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Most women become Mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100.000.00 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow i visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew"
"Forest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecelia" "Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerald, he's use to profanity.
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, give her a handicapped child. The angel is curious, Why this one, God ? She is so happy.
Exactly, smiles God. Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel. But has she patience? asked the angel. I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. When the shock and the resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and indapendance that is so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy.
But, God, I don't think she even believes in you. God smiles, no matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough "selfishness" The angel gasps, "selfishness"? Is that a virtue? God nods. If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word" she will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "momma" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.
And what about her patron saint? asked the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles, a mirror will suffice.
Posted by: Tracie at March 9, 2004 04:19 PM
I am relieved to know that I am not alone. I have had to go through almost the same thing with my son and school. I have to agree unless you have been faced with mental illness you find out how ignorant you really are as well as others. Be encouraged and stay in the fight.
Posted by: armeta at April 28, 2004 12:14 AM