Janey's Blog

I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING TODAY. I HAVE RECENTLY HAD SUCH GOOD DAYS AND THIS FEELS LIKE ANOTHER SET BACK. I HAVE TO BE HONEST THOUGH. WHEN THE VOICES AND HALLUCINATIONS WENT AWAY AND ALL MY DELUSIONS, I CONSIDERED THAT THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I IGNORED THAT I STILL HAVE A LACK OF MOTIVATION AND SOME PARANOIA. I WANT TO BE NORMAL SO BAD THAT I IGNORE SOME THINGS THAT HAPPENS. FOR INSTANCE, I RARELY GET DRESSED DURING THE DAY UNLESS I HAVE TO GO OUT, WHICH STILL ISN'T OFTEN. I USUALLY WEAR SWEATS AND A T-SHIRT. SOMETIMES I STILL FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE WATCHING ME, BUT IT IS NOT THAT SEVERE CASE WHERE I INSTANTLY PANIC, IT IS MORE OF A THOUGHT ONCE IN AWHILE. I STILL HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF DO THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE, BUT TODAY MY HUSBAND KNEW I WASN'T MYSELF SO HE MADE DINNER AND DID THE DISHES FOR ME. I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER IN 3 DAYS. I FEEL LIKE I AM A LAZY BUM, BUT DEEP DOWN I KNOW THAT IT IS THIS ILLNESS THAT STILL HAS A GRIP AT MY SOUL.