December 30, 2003
Grey Crinkled Paper
After hearing about the Iranian earthquake and the 30,000+ dead, I have been thinking about Grey Crinkled Paper for the first time since I got out of the hospital in October. I understand that other people think the whole concept is a delusion and certainly an obsession, but you have to understand that I cannot see it that way, no matter how hard I try.
I first experienced Grey Crinkled Paper (GCP) when I was 16 or so, when my hands turned blue and ballooned to 100x their normal size. I realized suddenly that I was in the corner of my room, up near the ceiling, and that GCP was the key to everything. It came to me, as a message from some divine source, that GCP will solve everything that has troubled the world since time immemorial, and that I am to play a role in bringing it to fruition. First, this process has to begin in the Middle East, but just where was unspecified. Then it will spread outwards in a spiral until the whole world is taken in and all ascend to Atman. How this should take place resembles the old telephone game that children play, where one person whispers a sentence into the next person�s ear, and that person whispers what she hears, or thinks she hears, to the next, and so on. In the game, sense becomes nonsense; what is a comprehensible sentence eventually turns into gibberish. But with GCP this is reversed: first �Grey Crinkled Paper� is to be translated into Arabic or Farsi, then 22 speakers of other languages have to translate it, sequentially, until the last of them, who must be a non-native speaker of English so nothing in the purity of the process is corrupted, translates the result back into English, this final phrase revealing the true meaning of GCP in a way none has ever perceived before. What was clear then and is so now is that this will usher in the end of the world as we know it, yes, but in a way that brings light and joy to all. What is also important here, I understood even at 16, is that if I rejected my role in bringing GCP to the world, if I ran away from it, I would be converting myself from savior to Satan and would be responsible for all the human suffering that proceeded from this decision, which of course would be immense.
Since then, at different times, I have both accepted and rejected my role. Nothing is yet irreversible, but the time draws near, as is obvious from Israel�s wall and the war in Iraq and the Iranian earthquake, when I shall have to decide one way or another or suffer the consequences.
Here endeth my 5th blog entry.
Posted by pamwagg at December 30, 2003 11:51 PM
I read the book "Divided Minds" and realized that the mental illness, experienced initially by both twins identically, may have been revealed by their Creator as being caused by the "gray crinkled paper." Thus the obsession: God was attempting to make them aware that the crumpled gray newspaper that they had eaten their french fries from "drizzled with vinegar" during the previous year in England had become a source of extreme toxicity to their bodies. It has been known for many years that the chemicals in newspaper print is extremely toxic. Just a thought. But if I'm right, the physiological imbalances in Pammy (and Carolyn to a lesser extent) may be the result of toxic chemicals or metals that may be chelated from their bodies through EDTA chelation therapy. This is just a thought--not a diagnosis--from personal experience with occasional mental illness resulting from childhood lead poisoning.
Posted by: Lori at August 9, 2007 11:59 AM
Hi Mrs/Ms. Wagner.
I am a last year RN student and I am writing a paper on schizophrenia using three biografies as background where one of the biografies is the one written by you and your sister.
When I read the book I dont really get what the GCP is. You explaine here how it will spread and so forth but what exactly is GCP.
Yours sincerly/ Svante Ljunggren, Sweden
Posted by: Svante Ljunggren at March 15, 2007 01:59 PM
Actually, Paula, I mean what I write abotu GCP quite literally, not as an overarching metaphor at all. I do think I need to do something, physically, and if it is not to remove the electrodes, self-surgically, than at least to find those 22 speakers and get this show on the read. So Gwen's comments were very helpful. The biggest problem to reaching the conclusion on this enormous issue is that I am, at heart, a coward, and can't even travel or make phone calls, let alone corral those 22 different speakers or go to Persia (Iran) where I believe Farsi originated.
THANKS for you comments anyway. PW
Posted by: Pam Wagner at August 12, 2004 03:24 AM
I do not regard the "Grey Wrinkled Paper Theory" as a delusion or any other true manifestation of sz. Frankly, it is extremely logical, and although the words get in the way, Pam is merely trying to give substance to what she experiences as a perfect whole in her intellect. I interpret the theory as Pam's recognition of the fact that in order for any problem to be resolved, all parts relative to its solution must come full circle. I do not believe that Pam herself truly believes that she personally has any physical role in this. It is simply that she understands what must take place, and in order to somwhow share this knowledge, she must give it familiar variables like words, time, place etc.
I have never given Pam my take on her theory because my perception is totally irrelevant to the whole picture. Amen.
Pam, Your blogging is making me feel pretty shabby, lazy, and(most ghastly of all)lost in Chief Broom's fog. I had better shape up and write to you right now. Twinnie 3
Posted by: Paula Kirkpatrick at January 29, 2004 05:43 PM
I'm not so sure it is a good idea to post a reply that comes across as being supportive of this delusion of Pamela's, Gwen.
Posted by: Euronymous at January 8, 2004 05:49 AM
Highly interesting, Pam.
What are you doing now to try to translate the phrase Grey Crinkled Paper in the way that you have written about?
I have done this kind of translation in real life. I was a volunteer at a CIEE volunteer camp in Bad Honnef, Germany. During one of our nightly gatherings, I suggested a game of international telephone. I said a phrase in English, and everyone had to translate it into another language and pass on the phrase.
The results were truly amazing. It was a completely different phrase that came back to me.
Since this seems to be your quest, I would suggest this to you: find an international volunteer camp with 22 or more international multilingual people, volunteer for it, and try this as a game one night.
Of course, you probably don't want to go into the higher implications of this telephone game because that might skew the results.
Hope this helps.
I'm interested in the results.
Posted by: Gwen at January 2, 2004 04:14 AM
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