July 08, 2005


Every day I wake up happy. I'm happy to rise in a new day, healthy and awake and able to face another day with good cheer and in a good mood. No matter what happens during the day, I find I can take it mostly with equanimity and good grace, though at times I get anxious or spend time vegetating while my mind goes wild (it does that a lot, I admit).

Everything feels like accomplishment: taking a shower or brushing my teeth gets me kudos from myself; I praise myself for getting out and going grocery shopping; I'm proud of myself if I clean out a wretched junk drawer in the kitchen and get it all neat and tidy; I'm thrilled when I change my sheets and make my bed up perfectly ship-shape and quarter-bouncing perfect. Those might seem like mighty small things to make me feel content, but contentment can in fact come in small packages, if you let it.

People often feel like they have to do great big things to allow themselves to have a good day, to feel like the day has been worthwhile. But schizophrenia quickly brings one down to earth there. So much feels like an effort all the time that tiny things become mountains. And when one thing gets done so many things are given short shrift to make room for that one thing! So when one reaches a state of health when one can accomplish several small things a day, without neglecting too many essentials (I too often forget to eat!) it is a tremendous development in one's health and well-being. And one feels one can be justifiably proud and content.

The person with schizophrenia learns that the small accomplishments are just as good as the enormous ones in allowing oneself to have had a good day, and in fact, it's a lesson that many driven entrepreneurs and business people and doctors and lawyers etc should learn themselves: relax, let the small things rule your day, let the small things make your day a good day and allow yourself to feel content if they alone can leave you feeling proud. That is not a bad lesson to learn in the end, and one can learn it from people who have experienced schizophrenia. So even we have things to teach others!

Posted by pamwagg at July 8, 2005 02:56 PM


Pammy dear,
I don't think I can adequately express the feeling that flowed through me as I read your blog. It was as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Throughout the four years of our unique friendship I have learned so much about schizophrenia and its myriad manifestations. I began as a babe in the woods. You are so articulate, so brilliant, and so interesting, it was not possible for me to think of you as anything but completely sane, despite your total candor about the seriousness of your illness. I believed everything you told me and accepted it as fact. Your first hospitalization that took place since we had begun writing so horrified me that I was frantic. As time went on,my total acceptance of your every word, I learned sadly, was naive at best. By now I have weathered so many "Pammy storms" that I am an old pro at recognizing the signs that all is not well with you. I did not realize until now that subconsciously I harbored a feeling of dread at the thought of the many things which have and might happen to you. I have never read any words from you like the words I have just read. I immediately visualized you up and about, busily going about your daily routine, proud and happy to be yourself and taking pride in the small accomplishments that had previously seemed insurmountable. You have given me such a precious gift, a sense of peace and confidence that I haven't felt in so long. You have kept your word and been faithful in taking your meds and the result speaks for itself. I am so proud to be the friend of such a remarkable and loveable human being. Carpe Diem, my friend of the heart.
With loving admiration,Perky T3

Posted by: Paula Kirkpatrick at July 13, 2005 09:54 PM

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