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The constant music and singing is destroying my concentration: "we're gonna make you...We're gonna break you. Come on and learn, baby, how some must burn. If you won't, we know what to do!" It plays even when I am in the woods looking at wildflowers. I want to write another poem but I can't concentrate or pay attention well enough to read, much less write. I'm getting afraid of what they are saying to me, what it means and why they are saying it. Seems like they are broadcasting somebody, me or others? Why now, and who are they? I have to keep reminding myself that they aren't real, just my mind's creation...But I can't always keep that in my head when they keep at me! I play real music, but I can't have it on all day and night, and as soon as I turn it off, blammo, the voices start in again. Sorry to go on and on about the same old thing...
We just got back from Arizona, and I am happy to tell you all that I survived both the four flights and the metal detectors. The temperature was near and over 100 but we had a good time, an audience of 350+ and a standing ovation, so that made it all worthwhile...But I was very glad to get home again, to rest and recuperate after 3 weeks of nearly non-stop "events" such as this past one. The next one is NAMI-NJ on June 10th I believe and then it is out to Sioux City, Iowa on the 14th of June. If anyone in NJ or Iowa wants more detailed info, do leave a comment or write me and I'll post them.
Meanwhile I am just vegging and trying not to let my mind get out of control with the voices and my brain's attempts to make sense of them...Sorry not to write more than this. But another time...Posted by pamwagg at May 23, 2006 01:29 PM