May 30, 2007
I'm back and eager to start writing, but need a few days to get myself oriented, and to read my mail and put things away and clean my apartment. Despite the good rest I had, and the help and medicine, it was a wrenching time, which I will explain eventually. Until then, let me just say that it is good to be back, if not at my best, hoping to get there as soon as I can. Kate, Ava, Paula, and all of the others who wrote to me or commented during my absence, thank you so much for caring about me when I have so little regard for myself. This always amazes me: that anyone could give a femtogram about me instead of running away screaming from the revulsion experienced by being near...me, the devil. I want to tell all of you to watch yourselves and watch your backs, because you never know when the big one will hit, but I realize this is useless. My saying anything right now will simply be disregarded as a "lack of self esteem." However, let it be known that such is what I would have said, had I felt anyone would have heard me: leave me, and leave now, because the big one is right around the corner!
Note to Debbie F.: I believe this episode was once again triggered not only by stress but by an exacerbation of CNS Lyme Disease, which fits so well with your paper's premise that I won't be surprised if it turns out that most M.I. stems from some purely medical, that is to say some infectious or toxic origin.
Posted by pamwagg at May 30, 2007 12:46 AM
Hi to Debbie, Ava, Cynthia and Kate,
Thanks so much for your well-wishing. I am trying to take it slow, but so many people pull and pull on me and think that I no longer have any troubles once I am out of the hospital. My fault, I suppose, because I don't readily tell them. But you would think they would understand, having seen me there, on the psych unit and knowing what I was going through...Do they really think it was left behind so easily, with a snap of my thumb? It takes time to recover and no one is allowing me that. Dr O called yesterday as she said she would, and when I told her this we rehearsed a few lines I could say to opt out of some invitations or demands for me and my time. But while I used one, I forgot the others, or didn't use them because I didn't think of them in time.
Kate, I will try to write a longer entry on Sunday instead of Monday, just for you! I will try, but not guarantee (sp?) it.
Thanks to you four, and thanks as well to all my silent friends who wanted but were too shy to comment.
Posted by: Pam W at June 2, 2007 09:55 PM
It's so good to hear from you again! I hope you got some much needed rest. Now, please, keep the pace slow and take care of yourself. I hope you post by Sunday because I will be away in Charleston, S.C. without my computer for five days starting early Monday morning.
Keep writing Pam and let us know how you've been.
Posted by: Kate K. at June 1, 2007 09:32 PM
Hurrah, you're back! I had gotten so busy that I had stopped reading blogs altogether, but wanted a few days ago to see how you were doing--and learned that you were in the hospital. It's wonderful that you are home; what cause for celebration!
Posted by: Cynthia at May 31, 2007 11:01 PM
Welcome home, Pam! I'm so glad you are in recovery mode and got a good rest.
We missed you!
Love, Ava (and Leonard)
Posted by: Ava Hayes at May 31, 2007 08:04 PM
Pam, it's so good to hear from you again! Keep those stress levels down, if you can. Best,
Posted by: Debbie at May 31, 2007 07:25 AM
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