Sorry, am on edge, several, many edges, too many edges. Joe at Hospital for Special Care chronic vent unit; Lynn L dying...Pavarotti dead and I don't know who is to blame, or that I am not...Do I deserve to die? Do I deserve to burn? Should I? Yes, yes, and yes...but and there is always a but. So that's the quandary and my impulse is ever to be impulsive in these matters, which makes for dangerous times. Sorry to burden you with this. I need to keep writing until a call comes in because otherwise I dwell on fire and flesh, the two comingling in my dwelling place...I heard the visiting nurse, Lisa, in the hallway today outside my door, talking, then swung open the door, only to find she'd fled. She came back ten minutes later, startling me out of my chair and dwelling, and said she hadn't been there at all, but she lied, I heard her! She wanted me to take 5mg of Haldol extra and I was so nervous I agreed to take 2.5mg but only that, no more, and told her I was "safe" because no ERs or ambulances ever again! But I dunno...I need to keep writing, I need to keep writing, because not to write is to dwell and to dwell is to reside in what will burn: solvent, flesh, skin...I cannot dwell there, must keep on writing, writing, writing, because it draws me away from what I must not mention again. Now it is almost 10:20am. The call comes at 10:30am...if Dr O is not late. What do I tell her? The truth, of course, but all of it? Lynnie has already mentioned a hospital bed...it seems inevitable that Dr O will too, if or when she knows where I am being led by the invisible army, a force for good undoubtedly, because it tries to do away with me! What to do? What to do?
Posted by pamwagg at September 6, 2007 10:05 AM
I've kept checking in this past month but no word on you or how you're doing. I'm just really glad these comments went through, makes me hope that you will write to us again soon. You've been in my prayers. If you ever want to email me, please do!
Posted by: Kate K. at October 12, 2007 04:23 PM
Hi, I wrote a comment a few weeks ago, but it didn't post. Is Pam OK? Is she in the hospital? Please let me know and let her know that I'm thinking about her and hoping that she is feeling better. Thanks, Sue M.
Posted by: sue marasciulo at October 7, 2007 09:21 PM
Hi Pam, I've been worried about you. Are you OK? You haven't been writing on your blog lately and I was wondering how you're feeling. Hope you're feeling better. Take care, Love, Sue M.
Posted by: sue m at September 30, 2007 01:20 AM
We're here for you, Pam!
Hang in there!
Posted by: Chris at September 28, 2007 05:38 PM
I hope you are OK. Yes, there is a lot of stress everywhere. Please take care. I am one of many who are rooting for you and praying for you. Thank you for being so honest about everything.
I hope you will be writing again soon.
Posted by: Stuart at September 28, 2007 01:36 PM
Has anybody noticed the windows of churches and various other older buildings even new ones, they hide a secret that is science based, they are depict carrier frequencys very similar to the way radio is done present date. To give a brief description you have two high frequency tones in the range of 16000 khz and onto one of these high frequency tones is placed the information you wish to transmit, the information they wish to transmit in this case are various tones that will affect various parts of the body such as the heart and various other internal organs ect, they will flood these organs with neurism or they can reduce the amount of neurism creating an emotive effect, at the same time they transmit subliminals commands to coincide with them, they can do both positive and negative subliminals and tones and is what the devil's evil trickery and religeon is based around. It works on the basis that when the two tones hit the ear they both clash and disapear only leaving the information that was carried on the carrier frequency, it is a discovery that comes from electronics which was realy invented thousands of years ago, the british claimed they invented electricity in the 17 and 18 century but this is realy lies, today present date it is used by the british american and other countrys to effect mind control on its citizens, It works by contracting up various muscles of the jawbone which has an effect on various internal organs using the fight or flight nervous system which is the vagus nerve, this is one of the cranial nerves that leave the skull in the vicinity of the temporal area, they can reduce or increase the amount of neurism that flows to these internal organs creating a effect of negativity or positivity, they coincide this with subliminal affirmations or commands and try to train the target over a period of time. It plays off the ageing system which is the gnathostomatic system, or commonly known as getting long in the tooth, as you age and your teeth become more compact these forces are transmitted throughout your whole skeletal system, it also increases the feel you get in various parts of your body such as your heart throat guts ect as your jawbone impinges more on the vagus nerve reducing the flow of neurism to these various parts, they can target these various parts by using the muscles of the jawbone and various frequencys which contract up specific muscles of mastication which will have an effect on different internal organs, it is very much a natural human system which being used for the purpose of mind control. Obviously as the targets gets older the feel increases and their chances of having control over the targets increases, this can also be accelerated by specific work done on the dental system to compact it up. Their is an antidote to their brainwashing and it involves doing very similar to what they do and putting various tones onto a carrier frequency and having it clash with another frequency, this can be done present date on a home laptop or computer. As you can imagine with electricty being thousands of years old some people believe they created the other technologys required back then to take man into space and beyond, most of their documented stuff about when technologys were discovered are realy lies, it realy is a common well kept secret if looked into.
Posted by: dean at September 22, 2007 06:13 AM
I haven't been to your blog in quite a while. I've been trying to get back to a stable footing after my divorce but now I'm feeling much better. You seem to not be feeling well or maybe I'm reading more into your blog. I hope you go back to writing your wonderful poetry.
By the way I found a job!
Posted by: yaya at September 14, 2007 12:03 AM
Perhaps your sister is right. She knows you best, after all.
You deserve treatment. With help, you will feel better. You do not deserve to suffer as you are.
Grief can be devastating to a sensitive spirit. Please accept the help that is being offered you.
Posted by: ky perraun at September 13, 2007 08:42 PM
Yes, do keep writing. And increase the meds. And go into the hospital if you think you might try to harm yourself. Please try to doubt your conviction that you are "evil". All I can say is I know you are no such thing but that doesn't help much. You've got to fight the illness. Be as honest as you can with Dr. O and Lynnie, they will know how to guide you. I'm afraid you have to expect some temporary break downs because there is just too much stress in your life right now, but you are a strong woman and you will get through this.
Posted by: Kate K. at September 7, 2007 09:16 PM
Trust Lynnie. Trust Dr. O. Tell the whole truth. They can help you. I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate. Please keep in touch with your readers, if you can.
Posted by: Debbie at September 7, 2007 05:04 PM