January 19, 2008

"How is your sister?"

Elly asked this of me recently, and I thought, well, that's a good topic for this blog, a short entry concerning Lynnie (Carolyn), about whom I have written so little up till this point.

What to say, what to say? Since the book tour ended, Lynnie and I have not seen as much of one another as we did during those wonderful whirlwind days, which I greatly miss. Both the speaking and traveling, and the fact that I spent so much time with her.

In the time that passed since I last saw her (before Christmas), she sold her condo and moved into a one room apartment with...Oh, well, first things first. Though he was on our book tour and some of you know about him (and maybe I have written about this before?) the most important thing about Lynnie these days is that she is in love. She, who was divorced, as you who have read our book know, some years ago, is madly in love with Salvatore, Sal for short, a man she met through whom no one I know can seem to dislike in the least. More important, he is, she says, simply the kindest and most emotionally available man she has ever met; we all heartily approve of him too. That is quite apart from any comparison with her other "boyfriends", with whom in fact there is none: they are not worth remembering, except insofar as I worried at the time about Lynnie's choice in men. I thought for some reason she was finding guys who reinforced, or wanted to create a tendency towards low self esteem, guys who at a minimum had a bent for mental or emotional abuse. This is not to say that she accepted it; she did not, and she made it clear that she would not. Nonetheless, she kept dropping one, only to find yet another with hidden anger towards women.

But enough of that. She and Sal, "engaged" for at least a year, have almost decided to go through with a wedding, though I fear the thought of planning for the event stops them in their tracks. I am glad they are at least thinking in that direction. It pleases me immensely as I missed Lynnie's first wedding, having been hospitalized at the time. (It turned out, had I not been, I would have been housebound anyway, due to a blizzard the night before.) I would be devastated if I could not attend the ceremony this time. But first I have to wait and see if they actually go through with it. The problem is not that Sal is dragging his heels but that Lynnie is. She is wary that somehow Sal is going to change, once he is formally attached. I dunno how she means, change...Will he turn into a pumpkin? Or a frog instead of her prince? Perhaps that is precisely what she fears, that he will stop being the sensitive, emotional, accessible man she loves, and turn into the reserved, stubborn, cold sort she was always used to. Her first husband, and then the others were of that mold. I think she is afraid that marriage will break the spell. I sincerely doubt it. Maybe I am naive, and I know I am too trusting for someone who is basically paranoid, but I believe Sal is exactly who and what he appears to be: the wonderful son of delightful and warm parents, with whom they are now living (in the upstairs half of a duplex home). If you met Ida and John, you would suspect that Sal is the sort of son they would raise, that at least one of their children would be exactly as he has shown himself to be. In truth, he is so terrific he has made me fall in love with Italians, assuming that if Sal and Ida and John are any example, they must all be lovely people. (Naturally, Joe is half Italian, too, so that only goes to prove the point once again!)

Now, about that one-room apartment..Lynnie and Sal lived there for about 6 months, maybe 8, while Sal renovated their part of the duplex, so the two of them could move in by September. After they did, there was still much work to be done, so they spent weeks painting and plastering, while "Green Demolitions" put in a recycled kitchen for them. Now, Lynnie is back to taking ballet 4 times a week, though she no longer ballroom dances, alas, because she has no partner and at this point doesn't want to dance with anyone but Sal.

Lynnie is in love, the main feature of her life, but yesterday and all last week she had a splitting headache, a migraine to beat all migraines. I felt terrible for her, and didn't want even to call to find out if she was any better, lest I wake her or the telephone ringing cause her more pain. I own migraines have attenuated greatly since menopause. I regularly experience perhaps one a month, a headache that might last for 3 days, but mild enough to be treatable. Usually they go away with Imitrex, only troubling me each morning when I wake and when the Imitrex wears off each afternoon. I have not had a monster migraine in a year...Knock on wood.

But Lynnie's headaches have not gotten any better that I know of. And the one big difference between us, or at least one factor that is KNOWN to cause headaches, is that she takes HRT and in fact was always on the "pill," one or another, for birth control. I don't blame her, of course, not for the latter (though I do not understand the former...) but I fear that it is the hormones in the HRT that are making her headaches persist past the time when they should diminish naturally...I know our maternal grandmother's headaches stopped or got significantly better at age 50, as mine have, and I believe Lynnie's could too, in time, if she would only stop the HRT...But I know she won't (she denies the HRT has anything to do with it) despite the risks of breast cancer. She thinks there are too many benefits, too many, shall we say, "youthful benefits." I say, phooey to that. Grow up, and get over it. There are worse things than getting old. Like Joe with ALS, or not getting old at all! But that I know is not fair. We all have our hang-ups and she is entitled to hers, even if I do not understand.

What else? Well, she is writing her novel again. About that I will say only that it was watching the movie I AM LEGEND that reinvigorated her and got her to take another look at it. I must admit she has a good plot, and if she can write it well, might have a best seller. But that is sometime down the road, for the book must first be written, right?

Well, Elly, I know that I have not said all that much about my twin sister, nor very well or very coherently. But I have written all that she told me when I "interviewed her" for this post today. And I cannot think, myself, of what more I should write. I know there is surely more I could say, more of what is between us that I could discuss, perhaps. But I am not sure I want to do that right now and all you asked was, How is your sister? I have written about that and only that. I hope it is enough. TTFN, and thanks for asking.

Posted by pamwagg at January 19, 2008 07:27 PM | TrackBack


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