May 15, 2004

Not me talking

Today was one of those days when an emergency came up and I was thinking deeply about something while my dad was asking me questions. I was replying to him accurately. It was like my brain was overclocking to process all the stimuli simultaneously. It was not me speaking to my dad as I saw it. I was completely thinking about my problem, and my mouth was replying to my dad. It just didn't seem like me being the one doing the talking.

Now there are two different ways in which "It was not me talking" can be interpreted.In the case of a normal person, the person was involved in something else and blurted out something randomly by mistake. But in the case of a schizophrenic, the voices are constantly belittling you and shouting out things against others, and when a schizophrenic says that "It wasn't me talking" it means that it was the voices that were doing the talking for him or her. The difference here is that the schizophrenic is acutely aware of himself saying what he or she is saying whereas in the case of a normal person, it is always due to unawareness of the present moment that the person says something mistakenly. But both cases have a common string too. In both cases the person speaks out what is going on in their mind. It's just the awareness of the schizophrenic that distinguishes him from the normals. Another moment of spiritual truth! Another moment where I can paraphrase one of the psychiatrists saying that "whereas spiritual leaders float in their world, schizophrenics drown in theirs". Spiritual leaders too are constantly trying to achieve the state of pure constant total awareness at all moments. And this is where we schizophrenics drown....

Posted by puzli at May 15, 2004 12:38 PM | TrackBack


Right on!
I have oftn wondered about spirituality... though deeply immersed in it myself....
Does it only appeal to the "sane " mind if so then of what use is it if it does not take in and appeal to those for whom it could provide the entire answer and bring some sanity to the chaos of the mind.
What was the trigger(of getting attracted to it) in your case? What does it do to your chaos?

Posted by: monica at May 16, 2004 06:04 AM

hi monica,
the trigger was a series of conversations with my friend trying to plot down a theory for a spiritual book that led me to read "The Tao of Physics", which completely explained to me logically the relationship between science, modern day living and spirituality. That's about the trigger. Now what it does to the chaos of the mind is highly complex depending upon what aspect you are talking about. The chaos is already there. The only difference it makes is that it makes me realize the true path to follow, the truth that should be there, even after I make a "spiritual" mistake, I realize later on and try to understand and learn from it. The chaos is brought down to an understanding of the order of things, the Way as it should be, and what I need to do in order to become One with the reality. There is a difference between knowing the truth and following the path. You can never know the truth unless you follow the path, and you can never follow the path unless you realize the need for it, and you cannot realize the need for it unless it comes to you in a single intuitive blow!...its all a play, "lila" that keeps us in the make believe, the "maya". We have to keep ourselves observant of the lila in order to get over the maya, become needless of the suffering, in order to attain moksha!

Posted by: puzli at May 16, 2004 02:22 PM

Hi puzli. My name is Bibiana, i�m a 20 old girl from Brazil. I was wondering if we could talk by e-mail. I�m on the last year of my college and doing the ending project, which will determine if I�m able to finish the course or not. So, in this project I�m studying about schizophrenia too. I was reading your blog and I�m really interested talking to u about it. Mail me as soon as u can, please! Oh, by the way, I�m not a medicin student, I study art, comunication and design. I�m waiting your contact. See ya.

Posted by: bibi_gil at May 18, 2004 03:03 PM

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