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At the end of 8 difficult months there is respite.. a certain predictability to events and long spaces of time to relax mentally especially. There have been days of dropping things, forgetting to eat,panicking at the slightest sound,days with jumbled thoughts,days when just about every thing has gone wrong.Nights when I have crept into bed completely exhausted,days when I have wept at the unfairness of it all.
The puzzle is finally coming together we still have a long way to go but the puzzle is begining to take shape.
It is a giant jigsaw puzzle with millions of tiny pieces and each day we fit in a new piece perfectly.
Dear katrina,susan,moeder,survivor,ruby,puzli,nick,moe,Red...thank you for your supportive and encouraging comments...it sees me through the bad times.
Life is good at the moment..(I really must begin to stop seeing the good times as temporary) and my son is much much better Iam overjoyed and and so happy.
This medicine is a miracle for him I have not seen me this good since his diagnosis over a year ago. In fact he is moving too fast into "normal" ways and I must hold him back sometimes for fear that it may get too much to handle for him.
I shall be begining soon a training stint at the day care centre and am looking forward to it.
Its now two weeks since the seizure happened,very slowly we are going back to the earlier life style.
Clozapine has been reduced to 400mgs and an anti seizure added.
Iam upset with the doctor for he paid little attention when my son reported to him twice about feeling these electric shocks for brief seconds.Two weeks later the seizure happened.
I find that our doctor is difficult to talk to,he has many many clients and spend 10 minutes with each does not give an emergency number and refuses to give out his mobile no.
As I found out this crises time around it is imperative to have an emergency number to call.
Iam now seeing another doctor who facilitates all the above,on meeting him I felt instantly that here was someone who actually will see us through everything and give sufficient time too.
He suggests remaining on this dose for at least another one month without raising it.
Paradoxically I find that my son is better in a lot of ways after the seizure,cognitively he is much sharper and so say the counsellors at the day care centre too.
Peculiar but true.
Just as I was sliding into complacency something happened to jerk me rudely back into red alert.
My son had a seizure on Sunday night,it was a frightening experience and completely shook me up I thought I had seen it all obviously I had not.
The seizure was related to an increased dosage of the medicine he is on.
The doctor has reduced the medicine and added an anti seizure to reduce the chances of it occuring again.
Thats the maximum promise I could extract from the doctor I have learnt not to expect more they really cant give any guarantees.
After a day of slight daze he is back on his feet and fortunately remembers nothing of the seizure expect knowing that it took place.
My panic has still to subside, according to others who have experienced the same, it will take some weeks to fully recover from the fear.
Crying is the best possible release I cried after many months and felt strangely uplifted and clear.