November 20, 2006

23 years

Today is our wedding anniversary. In 1983, we were married in a lovely ceremony with family and friends.

So many, many things have happened during that time.

I remember the wild, passionate love we felt for each other back then. I sure it was still here.

But, it's not and that is something to just deal with.

I have recently talked to my husband about me getting my own apartment in our small town and sharing the kids back and forth.
He, of course, was very, very angry and I do not think he actually believes that I will go through with it.
I don't necessarily want a divorce...just some space. Just some space to feel like my own person... someone not weighed down by mental illness 24/7.
A place where my friends could come over, where the kids friends could come over. Just a place.

YEs, I realize that this sounds very selfish of me....but I can't do anything about that.
I have no idea where this will all go...we just take it one day at a time I guess.

Hoping everyone is surviving the early holiday season...take care and I will write again soon.

Posted by Jamie at November 20, 2006 02:00 AM


Jamie, I really understand how you feel. My husband's mental illness also weighs me down, especially now that he is awake most of the night and sleeps during the day. When I come home from work, his bed is still unmade and he is wearing pyjamas. Our daugther and I share our smaller room while he has our big living-room. He doesn't want anyone to visit us, last week when his mother was here he spend hours in the bathroom so that he could avoid having to talk to her. Usually little Anna and I spend the week-end away to get some space and not be around this illness all the time. I think if I had the chance to have another small appartment, I would use it for my own recreation. I wish you strength, patience and endurance and I know it's not much of a comfort, but your blog is always an inspiration for me to read, I learn a lot from your writings. Bye for now, Evi

Posted by: evi at November 21, 2006 01:54 PM

My situation is so close to yours. We're like sisters. I'll be married 21 years this December. I have one son, 17 years old. My husband and I also live like room-mates. I even find myself covering myself with a towel if he comes into the bathroom when I'm not dressed. I totally share your frustration. My husband has delusional disorder, not full sz, but his delusions (never ending FBI surveillance) are strong and constant. He denies he has a problem so there is no hope for treatment.

Take care, Tuesday

Posted by: Tuesday at November 23, 2006 12:32 AM

I really enjoyed your blog. I have a husband with paranoid sz. We have 5 kids together and been together for 13 years. I am going through some real difficult times right now and don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

Posted by: Johannah at March 4, 2007 04:53 AM

I am new to your site. I find it very honest and courageous. I am a husband almost divorced. The difference is , I am mentally ill with schizoaffective disorder. My wife moved away a little over a year ago and I am doing whatever it takes to try to mend our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for sharing your life.

Posted by: martin nedich at July 16, 2007 02:41 AM

Marty- God hates you.

Posted by: Jane Says at November 2, 2007 10:53 PM

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