August 23, 2005


Hi. Things here are really pretty rocky at the moment. M. is really paranoid because he cannot find a part time job. He is freaking out about money. I agree that it is a major thing to be thinking about, BUT I feel he must calm down some about it. Just seems when I try to calm him down, he gets really angry with me. So...I just try to keep quiet about it.

I am desperately struggling to find a decent job. I send out several resumes every day. Please cross your fingers for me.

I recently read the book "Daughter of the Queen of Sheba" a memoir by Jacki Lyden. Very interesting book about the author's mother who was bi-polar and their struggle to help her. It was not easy reading, but I did make it through.

I have been going to a NAMI family support group for the last month or so. It is really nice to meet others in my situation. We have so much in common and anything anyone says everyone else can nod and say "Yep" heard that one before. Sure makes me feel not so alone.


Posted by Jamie at 01:12 PM | Comments (27)

August 08, 2005

Today I feel

better! Not on the top of the world or anything, but not so crappy as yesterday.

I have a list of things I want to do today, so that helps me stay on task.

I think I get like this when I am overwhelmed with conflict, stress, etc...I wish I could handle it better and not get myself feeling so bad. Something to work on.

Wow, Peter Jennings died. That lung cancer is nasty stuff. I REALLY need to quit smoking! My sister and I are thinking of doing it together. Smokers are just a minority now, I think. The cost is really going up, I REALLY need to quit! M. quit in April and has stayed smoke free since then. I am very proud of him!

Well, I will go for now and hope everyone has a good day. Jamie

Posted by Jamie at 02:36 PM | Comments (0)

August 07, 2005

I am feeling

Sure you think that I am a "normal" person married to a man with sz. Well, sometimes I am just as ill as him , I think. Just in another way.
I am way down on myself. Feeling very unloveable, unlikeable, undesireable, uneverythingable. Is that a word? it should be.

Not looking for pity, here. really. just wanted to type all this out and maybe feel better.

Clawing back to the surface, Jamie

Posted by Jamie at 05:50 PM | Comments (1)

August 02, 2005

Hello again

Well, my job at the fast food place is over. I just couldn't do it anymore! I feel like a loser, not being able to handle the people. You know, I put up with a lot of crap at home and I just am not going to do it at work, too. People just need to live and let live. I keep telling myself that these people are young and stupid, nothing has ever really jumped up and bit them in the butt, yet. So that will happen to them eventually and I am a firm believer of what goes around, comes around. Enough about that.

M. did not like it that I quit. He didn't say much but it was pretty obvious. I have some other opportunities that are coming up, so I am hopeful.

Our oldest son had houseguests last week. 5 of his friends came to our new place and stayed from W.-Sunday. It was a lot of fun to have them here, hanging out and laughing. They all are about 18 or so. M. did fairly well while they were here, he did do a lot of hiding in the bedroom though. He said he sure was glad when they left! LOL.

I went to my first ever support group last week. It was a NAMI family support group. I really enjoyed it. Just to meet some people in real life who live this same kind of life is amazing. Sure makes me not feel so alone!

Well, I will go for now and write more later.

Posted by Jamie at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)