April 14, 2004

Normal days

Its been pretty quite around here lately. No suspicious or probing questions. No accusing statement. Only on Easter Eve did the symptoms start to dig at the foundation of the calm in our day and I chased them off. I stopped it in its tracks and I haven't heard anything since.
The calm before the storm. No, there is always something somewhere. The blank stare, the rolling of the eyes, the expressionless face. The forced looks of happiness. He knows when to give them, because he knows he is normally without them.
I remember the first time anything happened and I didn't have a clue, only the little bit of information he had given me about his condition. He kicked me out of the bedroom and locked all the doors. Locking me out. Or locking himself in. I don't know what he thougth he was doing. I was so mad, but then I remembered, he can't help it. I remember telling myself that. I guess that is how I conditioned myself. I guess that is how I have made it without looking back.
I guess for today this is our normal. There is no telling what tomorrow will bring, if anything. Who knows what will be hurled our way. I pray it is eventless. And Normal as it possibly can be - for our house.
We will enjoy this normal calmness, we are storing up our enegry for the next round. Its like war. A war that will never end, and one that I will continually find amunition for.
God bless all of you. Hang in there-enjoy your normal every minute you have it.
We all know it can be taken away so quickly.

Posted by norm at April 14, 2004 02:23 AM


something you said about this time of year being one of outbreaks, I've heard that April and September were bad times for it and this was the time when they both 'broke' with reality. Or at least let us into their realities. You always feel that sort of feeling. When? What's next...? it does go away, slowly. cheers, blue

Posted by: bluebird at April 17, 2004 04:13 AM

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