April 21, 2004

And it begins ... again

I just have one short entry ... I was asked to move again today because Mike believes that I am cheating on him ... and I just don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know. I hate this disease, I hate the agony he is in, I hate the fact that he really wants to hear me say yes I am doing this stuff so that he can be right, and I can't handle the constant dillusions. It is out of hand again ... and I don't think that it will ever be any better.
I will leave him alone with his dillusions, but what good is that. I just want to scream..................and never stop.
I'm just sick and I don't know what to do anymore. I HATE IT.
That is all I feel right now. And I want the hell to go away.

Posted by norm at April 21, 2004 02:44 PM


hang in there, girl! Call his caseworker, if he has one. My sister is convinced this is the case with her husband. He is besides himself with worry. It's been going on for years. He has mental illness too. It escalated into a fullblown fight/argument/accident wherein she fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital. Hospital reports the incidence as domestic violence and it went bonkers from then. He went to jail for a week, has a record and yet they are still together. When she is on her meds, she is okay. Not totally out of the woods, she still has suspicions. You cannot convince her otherwise.... she'll say the family is soooo rich they paid off everyone involved. It is totally medication oriented..... we tried getting her into the hospital, she refused to take meds, have her vital signs done (blood pressure or temperature taken) and still they let her go. So now she is going further downhill and is almost not going out of the house. How he can stand it, I don't know. But he is devoted to her. I am worried that someday, we will find one of them dead or both. So, I say get some meds going or get outside help, don't suffer this any longer, toots!

Posted by: whatsitallaboutalfia? at April 22, 2004 02:01 PM

Boy, did your comments ever hit home with me!! My husband has similar delusions... weird sexual thoughts; he thinks there's been a conspiracy to get him to cheat on me so that he would lose me and the kids and that whoever got him to cheat would get paid a million dollars... and he thinks that I have been cheating on him!!! I know that some days it all seems so unfair and it is hard to like, let alone love, this person who seems to have become a complete stranger right before my eyes. The fact that we have two daughters (7 and 10 years old) is what keeps me around. There is no longer a future... just trying to find some joy in each day and learning to come to terms with the unfair hand life seems to have dealt him (and us). Please know that you are not alone and that there are people like me who truly understand what you are going through.

God Bless,

Posted by: Carol at April 28, 2004 03:38 AM

u know what i just came across this site trying to fill in time on a friends computer and for the first time it was so good to realise i'm not the only person who has this sort of stuff going on in their life.. i'm 19 and for the past year now i've been trying to deal with my best friends schizophrenia, i don't know if describing him as my best friend is even right, he's the closest person to me and i him and by the time i found everything out about him it was too late and i loved him too much to leave him and now.. we've been through so much bad stuff and things were getting better but now everything just seems to be going bad again.. he calls me his rock and his conscience and i dont know what i'm supposed to do.. everything is so very screwed up and while i want to be there for him... i dont know if i can handle being treated like this for the rest of my life

Posted by: help at April 30, 2004 02:07 AM

Reading your entry was such a trigger. Brought up so many memories. I know the frustration and the pain you go through when someone you love so much has become this way. It does feel like a nightmare and it is so draining. I wish all positive thoughts and goodness toward you to help you get through this. You will survive it, it is a tough and ongoing battle, but you will get through it. Counseling, having someone to talk to, explain the illness, share the experience, helped me the most.

Posted by: Jessica at May 2, 2004 04:26 AM

Post a comment

Please enter this code to enable your comment -
Remember Me?