December 16, 2004

Bad News

I didn't qualify for the job with the physical disabilities because I don't drive. Many positions that would otherwise be good for me exclude me because one qualification is driving.

The woman with the ad about the apartment never returned my call. Im considering moving into a dorm. It is $635/month and this place is $820/month. In April or May my rent here goes up to $850. It would cost me to pay laborers $500 and then I would be be breaking the lease here. So I would owe until they rented the place I guess. I'm desperate. My friend says she knows a loop hole where you can escape your lease. Moving sounds like a bear. Quite scary in fact. But in the long run if it means I could relax and enjoy my life a little more I guess it is worth it. I hate being a nomad. I was considering asking my Dad if he would give me the money for a down payment on a mobile home.

Speaking of my Dad, I just found out he has prostate cancer. He says it is small and they will shoot pellets of chemo in. I'm very upset about this. I had expected to reunite with him in the next two years;but I realize I better make use of the current time. I'm flying over for Christmas. I have to figure out a way to buy Christmas gifts for them there. I have three neices,two sisters, two brother in laws and my dad and stepmom. This is so sudden and has plunged me into a depression. The other part about going to Texas is that I feel particularly vulnurable now being unemployed and newly divorced. I feel inadequate and I hope I can pull off being normal and not have a meltdown.

My friend from the ups and downs meeting called Tuesday evening to tell me that T. a lady from our meeting overdosed on all her pills. She was in a coma but may have come out of it a little. She opened her eyes and wiggled her toes. J. says that sometimes people are in and out. I think she is trying to decide whether to stay or to go. My friend J. said that she's thought about doing that so many times but what keeps her from doing it is that she asks herself "If I took all my pills tonight; what would I do about tomorrow?" You've gotta love the logic there since it keeps her alive.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at December 16, 2004 09:16 PM | TrackBack


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