October 10, 2006


I went to the Roger Waters concert on Sunday night and it was a blast. I felt a lot better by then and I had taken a couple of naps during the day. The whole concert was amazing because they used multimedia. It began with this movie screen behind the band and it looked so real. It was funny because there was this humongous image of an old timey radio where you turn the dial to change the channel and this hand comes onto the screen and turns the dial. The hand turns the dial to different stations and pauses as the person hears different types of music. It pauses on Elvis and other songs and when it gets to disco it changes quickly. The person is smoking and you see the ashtray and they are writing things down in a journal or something. We were laughing.

All throughout the entire concert you see videos or images behind the band. When they played Shine on You Crazy Diamond they showed pictures of Syd Barrett. At least I guessed that was who it was. Some of the images were funny like the cartoon caricature of Bush when the lyrics said that Texas education really fucked you up. One video was drawn like the ah-ha video. One time there was this trippy song on and they were showing a video of a lava lamp and my friend said that looks like Pringels. I said of course you would think it looks like food. They played one song from the Roger Waters solo album from 1992.

We were surrounded by people smoking marijauna and we can't inhale that. When you are Bipolar it is screwy. So we were falling asleep and got up to walk downstairs. It was near the end of the show and it was actually cool because we could see better. We weren't in the worst seats but the second worst. They sent out the floating pig like a parade balloon where the person walks around carrying it. It was covered in writing with phrases like Long live Kafka, Impeach Bush,and Free At Last. It was so funny. So we thought the show was over when he said goodnight. He said the audience was great and that we had really moved him. When he said that he put his hand over his heart. So we started to walk away. But then a lady turned around and told us that they had told her that there was thirty more minutes. So they did an encore. That was the most exhilarating part. Everyone was raising their fists in the air on the beat during the wall. I had never seen my friend that happy before. She sang all the lyrics with a passion.

So yesterday I slept until seven. That was the best sleep I've had in a while. That marijuana. So it was perfect. I went to have my blood drawn and it went fine. After that I ate at a nearby Jack in the Box. Then I went to The Victory Clubhouse. That was really a weird experience since I hadn't been in almost two weeks since the incident that I had to report to the director. The staff had been very insensitive. It was oppressive. I was very articulate in my voicemail and succinct and told him that they need some education and we need a support group for coping with diabetes since we are all getting it now. So I walked in and I said hello to a couple of members and they looked at me funny. I thought hmm. Then I passed Leon the guy who is a peer counselor who runs dual recovery meetings and he let out a sarcastic laugh. I just ignored it and went to sit on the couch and started talking to my friends. They were happy to see me and that I looked like I felt a little better. A lady with diabetes asked me if I had found out yet if I had it or not. I realized that everyone was aware of what had gone on. I guess heads rolled. I noticed the had sandwiches set out at 11 a.m. which never has happened before. They often set out donuts and stuff. Starbucks donated them for a while. I was happy and joking around until I glanced to the side and saw a peer counselor imitating the way I had looked the last time I was at the clubhouse. I was so pissed. I couldn't hide it either. I started talking about how he always walks in and turns on the tv to a court show at 11 and turns it up really loud. He is the only one that wants to watch it. I said hello,he is on duty and he is standing around watching tv. He is getting paid to watch tv I guess. He heard me too. He left the room. I couldn't shake the anger so I went home. He is so uneducated and doesn't belong working in healthcare. So I came home and rested. I thinked I shocked the hell out of people there. They kind of fanned out. I guess this illness is bringing out attitude. I can't put up with the bullshit anymore.

So I go back to the dr. on Monday to get the test results. The nurse said that he had wanted to see me sooner but I disappeared and they needed the test results to do a diagnosis. It has been two weeks since my first appointment with him. I guess I lost track of time. I have been sleeping a lot and feverish. A friend at the clubhouse said I looked like I had lost weight. I didn't realize that.

I really like the staff at the drs office I go to. The patients that walk in know them by name and tell them the latest news in their lives. Everyone there was really sick. I mean no flu or anything. I'm talking people walking in wiht oxygen bags on their backs and stuff. So I felt right at home.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at October 10, 2006 04:42 PM


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