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In desperation last night, because the music was so loud and unbearable, I took a PRN, Haldol 5mg. I knew I’d regret it at least a little today, because it would make me feel subjectively dull and that I'd be immediately unable to read. (Why is this? Well, first of all, it does something to my eyes so that they feel antsy and jump around and I can't keep them on any one word, but also it deadens my interest and motivation...or else it doesn’t stimulate them as Zyprexa does, which, mind you, I stopped.) The reason I decided to take it was that I knew all last year I had no problem with hearing music and that was when I was taking Haldol regularly. Also, Haldol was the one thing we stopped just before the music started. I thought, I might as well give it a try, though 5mg probably wouldn't make much difference, seeing as my usual dose was 15mg.
Well, I woke this morning, expecting nothing to have changed...but right away I noticed something weird: no music! I figured, okay, I just got up, it’ll start soon enough...But it didn’t! Okay, a little comes through once in a while, but only a bit, and very low and ignorable and intermittent. I am amazed. It has to be the Haldol, what else could it be? Only yesterday I heard the music so loud and insistent that it played right through our reading and lecture yesterday at Hartford Hospital/Institute of Living! Why would it just stop spontaneously today? No, it's the Haldol, that's a reasonable conclusion, I think. I know it looks obvious. I just have to convince myself of that.
But... again, it was also the Haldol that today prevented me from reading, just as I feared it would. This was the first time I had trouble in several months, ever since getting off the Haldol finally in February or March. My eyes were going nutty and I couldn’t get my mind to want to fix on anything...Until I impulsively took a teensy dose, 2.5 mg, of-- yes, you guessed it, ZYPREXA! An hour later, my eyes were fine and I could read again and felt motivated to. And still no music. Wow! Now is that a good solution or what? The only thing that might still upset the apple cart, but is not necessarily a problem, is: will the tiny dose of Zyprexa (cf normal dose of 10-15mg and my old dose of 35mg) cause weight gain? I’m willing to test it...carefully. Today at least I am not eating more than usual and don’t feel overly drawn to the fridge after having taken just the one pill, so that is a good sign...I will try this again tomorrow and see what happens. If it works consistently, I'll ask Dr O about it, though I know I should have gone through her to begin with...But to he** with that. I had to do something immediately.
But this regimen means I'd be taking four different antipsychotics...at tiny doses but it seems kinda crazy...I really don't think the Abilify 5mg adds anything or ever has, so I'm gonna ask to be taken off that. The Geodon is my mainstay, so I have to stay on that. The other two are just kinda tweaking things, so I guess that's okay, though I am unhappy about the idea of taking so many drugs of the same class. It really is necessary, and they aren't redundant. Each does something different, as I've so clearly pointed out.
So ends the long saga of my mysterious music, I trust and believe. I hope it never again becomes such a problem. Thanks to the many who wrote e-mail or commentary encouraging me. I really appreciated it.
PamPosted by pamwagg at April 30, 2006 01:10 PM