July 01, 2006


NORMAL - This was what I asked my friend sandeepa to write down what makes sandeepa and another common friend of ours make them think that now I've started acting normally. However, I just got to know that the common friend gave an advice to sandeepa not to write it out with all her emotions, rather to shorten it to include only the specifics. Here it is -

Well I cant really tell u how u have changed or have become normal in my sense at least. I am not normal either to judge you. As you often say
“Everyone is a little crazy except you and me
And even thou are little cracked.”

Yet there are these signs of hope. I feel normal talking to you, which is a big step considering the fact that I always thought you were a little more out of reach and if I may say cold. You were all logical thinking which is really not a bad a thing as I myself am like that (I know you may disagree). Yet now you have started feeling and you are more open to discussions. You really listen to what I say previously I thought you didn’t. I guess these are minute changes for you and you might have not noticed. But I guess the biggest thing is the fact that you feel the emotions in you…I know its overwhelming at times but it’s nice to see what you really feel. The anger, pain, the tears and the laughter which I feel for the first time you can actually feel. As I told earlier it may not be so great for you but it has made reaching to you much easier. Understanding you much easier and that is something significant. I don’t know how to react to certain things yet, but you have changed and that is good. Feel like everyone else has given you also the strength to understand other people more and has lend you that touch which makes you really humane in every sense. You are now capable fully to make you decisions. Not with what you heard in your head but your own conscious decisions. Something that you wanted to do, want to do. That all. I am sorry if it was intellectual or something but its as simple as that.

Posted by puzli at July 1, 2006 07:10 AM


Athough we are not close friends if friends at all but before i felt you distant and withdrawn. Probably your friend is right. But I'm not a good judge of character or situations which is a huge proble so the following may not be true. You are not the only one with this distance thing. I have the feeling that many people around me \normal\ are dead inside or at least are not so open as i wish though the are very sociable.
I can't find the answers to many of my questions like this why people are not so open and if i find them i'm not sure. Damn it. It is very confusing.


Posted by: john at July 1, 2006 10:05 AM

Here is something to think about. You are not as misunderstood as you like to think. You just complicate things and like to sustain all these thoughts you have inside so that you can be "different". News flash YOU ARE NOT! You just don’t tell anyone what is really bugging you and THAT make people think you are cold and distant. But I can be wrong. Probably I AM. Just try having a normal conversation than analyzing what was said and for what purpose. Sometimes it’s nice to talk for just the sake of talking without any real point and purpose. I know it must be difficult for you to understand and you might even find that it’s a waste of time. Its not that people aren’t able to reach through, you make it so. And yes you are right we DON’T get each other and you know what I GIVE UP!!!

Posted by: sandeepa at July 7, 2006 08:54 AM

sandeepa, don't judge him too tough. One of the signs of schizophrenia and schiz like illnesses is blunted emotions.

Posted by: john at July 10, 2006 01:18 PM

Hi, have only read the tail end of your entries - I'm an engineering student too, and your question a few posts back about getting kicked out - well I think unless you have a good enough reason, to explain poor performance they'll kick you out - I'm not really sure - but 3 years or something repeating a year, man you must be frustrated. I know what it's like - I started my degree in 2001, and will hopefully finish it next year - I've paced myself and taken years out, repeated the odd subject here and there. With me there's a couple of screws loose and an odd cog missing, if you get my meaning. Studying to me is the key, staying away from drugs and alcohol, and focusing on goals.

Be strong and kee pup the good work here

Posted by: Dee at July 15, 2006 03:34 AM

Dear Puzli,
You are driving in your brand new car and a street urchin throws a stone and causes a dent.1)You get down and chase him and give him a thrashing2)Ignore and drive away cursing your luck3)shout at him with all abuses. Which of the above is a NORMAL RESPONSE?

Posted by: captainjohann at July 28, 2006 03:18 PM

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