March 27, 2004


One thing that still bothers me even after 20 yrs is how to respond to M.'s paranoid thoughts. When he tells me something that is a paranoid thought, I usually respond with 'That is a paranoid thought. It just isn't possible that it could have happened that way, etc..." I feel bad that I constantly have to do this, I feel it makes him not tell me everything.
He sees connections in everything. We may get junk mail in the mail box that is tied in with something he said to his boss 15 years ago. He thinks that everyone in 3 counties knows him and of course does not like him. "They" try to run him out of the country on a regular basis. "They" know what he is really like...and know of all the "things" he has done. Which, bytheway, is NOTHING. He has done nothing illegal or bad.
It has taken me a lonnnng time to understand that this is the disease, and it just will never make sense. At first I thought "Why do you think that you are soooo important that people really give a crap about you?" The world does not revolve around you and what you said or did so many years ago." That sounds so harsh, but things like that went through my mind. I mean you can only hear so much, before you lose it!
Before I realized that there were others in my situation, I thought I was a terrible person to be thinking bad thoughts when he would talk about all his paranoid thoughts. I am not perfect and make lots of mistakes in this marriage. But we learn from our mistakes.

One other thing that bothered me in the past was the amount of sleep that M. required. We had 3 children in 5 years and I was one busy mama. Because of the medication, M. would sleep a lot. I needed help with the kids, and I did get pretty angry and resentful. As the children have grown older,it is better. I knew at the time it was the medication that made him so tired, but that didn't stop me from becoming resentful. LOL.
I do think that we as spouses go through the grieving process after our spouses are diagnosed. I can see now when I was in denial, angry, trying to make deals with God, depression and finally acceptance. I am glad that I stuck it out til I reached the acceptance part. I have accepted the fact that this is the way it is. M. did not ask for this disease and neither did I. We deal with the problems as they come and make the best of a bad situation.
Hope I am not rambling on too much!

Posted by Jamie at March 27, 2004 01:15 PM | TrackBack


I am/was the wife of a schizophrenic and he walked out on me over a month ago and I haven't heard anything from him...I am worried about him because he left his medications and there is nothing I can do.

Posted by: Anita at April 14, 2004 08:08 PM

I have to comment on this paranoia too! My (ex)husband thinks everyone knows about bad things he has done. People would come up to us in the grocery store and tell my husband what a great guitar player they thought he was, and he would accuse me of setting up the whole thing and getting them to say that to him! Everyone knew how great he played, it was open knowledge because he played in a band! Like you say, everything has a false connection to something else, like their minds don't filter out what's false from what is true. Their "reality" filter on their mind needs resetting, whatever that means! His meds help some, but not alot. He still thinks people are coming to burn the house down, put him in jail, and especially hurt his mother! It is terrible to watch this type of mental illness in a person's life, and if people don't believe that the Devil is real, then they have never lived with a schizophrenic, and seen what Satan can do to a person's mind,because that is mental torture!

Posted by: marty clayton at May 25, 2004 04:17 AM

i too have a husband who suffers from a parnoid disorder and its something very hard to deal with even thought hes been diagnosed for about 8yrs now he will too go back in time to his job where he still to this day thinks others are after him and i will tell him thats all in the past but he doesnt belive me he allso obcessed with me which makes me nuts he will put my name to diffrent songs or others things i can allso say he sexually obcessed with me but well lets put it this way that isnt there anymore he talks about it all the time like i am gonna give in not. i dont have childern that i have to tend to hes almost like a child himself i understand what hes going threw but to me allso it seems stupid and sometimes i dont know how i put up with his problems i am thinking of seeing someone myself to beable to learn to deal with it again and to learn to deal with him better thanks for letting me ramble :)

Posted by: michelle at July 17, 2004 04:00 PM

I too had a husband with paranoid schizophrenia and disorganized thoughts.

I believed in our marriage vows, in sickness and in health, and stuck with it for almost 35 years.

After dealing with his illness and all what comes with it for over 20 years, I could no longer cope. There was physical, emotional abuse, cruelty, even towards our daughter. I had to intervene all the time. He told my daughter and myself that we had to toughen up because we were too sensitive. That was the reason for his actions I guess. I got severely depressed in 1996 and felt trapped and rejected. He was paranoid of everything and everybody, including his doctor and even myself on some occasions. I couldn't even go to a drugstore to get some stuff and he would breathe over my shoulder, let alone having some girlfriends. I couldn't even go to a schizophrenic support group without him having his suspicions. Never did I give him any reasons to feel that way. Yes it was his illness, I am aware of it. The 20+ years were hell, numerous admissions to hospitals, running away from them, suicide attempts, heavy drinking etc..etc.. I had to survive and thus separated from him in 1999.

We are still in contact, are friends and I do still his paperwork, have him on my insurance and visit each other one in a while. While I did not receive a word or gesture or any sign of any affection from him during those 20+ years, I was told by him after the separation that he loves me!! Yet I had told him what my needs were several times in the past few years prior to the break-up.

I cannot go back to live together because I would not be able to cope with all of it again. After all, I am just a human being too. I pinched myself in the past sometimes, just to feel if I was indeed human. I was told in therapy that I deserved a medal, that without me my spouse would have been buried years ago. You see, I was blamed by my in-laws for my spouse's illness when he was diagnosed in 1978 and didn't get any support from anyone prior to therapy.

No wonder I fell apart in group therapy when someone asked in 1997 how I felt! I didn't even know what to say, because no-one had ever asked me that. Tears started to flow since then for many years. I hadn't cried since 1974 and very very slowly I started to heal and still healing today. The depression has developed into a chronic one, but I am determined to overcome it.

Take care of yourself everyone.

Posted by: elisa at July 17, 2004 11:33 PM

Help! I am in the early years of diagnosis of this disease. I need someone to talk to. My husband works for the government, which has probably contributed to this sickness and part of me thinks at times he is telling the truth. But when I read the posting by Jamie on March 27th I realized my husband definitely has this disease and I don't know how to help him or if I can live the rest of my life with him and be strong enough to survive my marriage. I have not been able to have children and now I know why. I don't think he can handle the responsibility. This is very upsetting to me. I always thought I would have a marriage like my parents, where the man is strong and makes me feel protected. What happens when that is not the case? I would like to talk to someone who has been dealing with for this awhile. I am beginning to realize this is forever. I confronted him last night about him not taking his medication and sure enough he had stopped which explains all the crazy talk he did a few days ago. I have created another email account since he would check on websites etc where I do online. I hate this kind of deceit but it cannot be helped. Is there anyone out there that can tell me anything positive? Thank you, Donna

Posted by: donna at July 28, 2004 09:49 PM

Ever since my time in high school where I suffered years of violence by bullies, I've been paraniod.
I read negative things into whatever my wife, kids or mother say and start thinking negative things will happen as a result. I stay aloof from my family for fear that they might say something which will trigger me into an angry outburst. The other day during a argument, my wife became angry to the point she reacted by trying to throw something against an religious ornament in our home. Now I feel God will punish us for it. I'm constantly thinking people, even family are out to get me or my family.
Please someone advise what to do.Are all these things extremely typical of a paraniod mental disorder?

Posted by: Dave at July 10, 2005 05:39 PM

i broke up with my girlfriend she left me for someone else and now iam paranoid about what anyone says and relate to something that happened in my relationship or think that something bad as been made about me just by the way people look at me i analyse and dwell on any little thing that as been said and somehow connect it with me

Posted by: david at July 20, 2005 10:21 PM

I have been previously married to a woman most people would call a "control freak". We were married for only two short years, but I loved her dearly. Last few months of our relationship have been extremely bumpy; we separated under pretty nasty circumstances. I found out, through a private detective, that she indeed was having a relationship with a very young male, whom she moved in to our apartment upon me leaving. That fact brought me down on my knees, leterally. I went through therapy as well as hell of the divorce process, but I got back on my feet through the help of family and friends.
Now I am married to the woman of my dreams, who treats me like I am the only man in the universe. I am happy. I've got a great job doing what I do best, and I have plenty of time to enjoy hobbies. Yet lately, I have been having panic attacks and incidents of paranoid behaviour/thoughts. I can't explain it, but on a continual basis I find myself worrying about people being out there to get me, losing my job, etc. I see people walk by, certain cars drive by and immediately I percieve them as being connected.Most of these thoughts are completely unfounded, I realize that, but I can't help but think this way. For all you women out there, if you see any of these early signs in your husband/boyfriend, talk to them. Make them feel that it is okay to discuss his feelings (as my wife does), and you just might save yourself years of pain and resentment.
Perhaps it is years of broken dreams and past mistakes that are catching up to me, but then again the past could be a huge influence in the development of this mental illness that affects not only the person suffering from it, but his or her loved ones and family as well. At least I can still talk rationally about it, but who knows what's going to happen down the road unless I accept my family's help and perhaps some couseling.
Best wishes to all of you.

Posted by: josh at August 17, 2005 07:15 AM

Just started reading your blog. I was reading March 2004. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.My hb has sz-affective. We have a lovely baby and I also have 2 older kids from previous marriage. I've been so resentful lately. It's good to know I'm not the only one and not a bad person. Our situations seem somewhat similar.

Thanks again. You are very inspiring.

Posted by: Danni at September 13, 2005 02:44 PM

Im unsure what to write really im 22yrs old and after reading the comments it has confirmed my fears of my partner having paranoia schizophrenia, i have been putting it off looking for 6mnts now but after reading jamies story it was like reading my last 12mnt diary, jamie said to hang on to the exceptance stage but how long does that take and truley i need help if you had the chance to get out of the relationship at my stage (2yrs long, living together both under 25)would have you or does it get better like my heart truely wishes.

Posted by: Caroline at January 4, 2006 11:39 PM

My husband had a psychotic episode last summer. He thought my dad and I were secret police officers who were spying on him. He felt that the serial numbers on our appliances proved that dad and I were conspiring against him. He put me through hell - He convinced his family that I was a terrible wife - that I was lazy and deceitful. He kept on telling me that I was secretive and deceitful -but- he wouldn't tell me (at first) what I was supposedly lying about. He was really afraid that I would force him to get treatment (which I did). Even though he has finished receiving psychiatric treatment, he has really changed. He is a different person now -and- he has problems reasoning in logical fashion. He is also totally irresponsible. He won't manage our finances or help out with any of the chores. My husband refuses to rationally discuss any of our problems. He is totally unreliable. If his parents are doing something that is more entertaining, he will abandon the plans he previously made with me. He even went out of town on my birthday. I have never been so hurt and angry. I love my husband so much but I also hate him. I hate all the insensitive and crappy things he has done to me. I hate for not taking responsibility for any of the hurtful and insensitive things he has done to me. I can't stand the fact that he has said so many mean and demeaning things about my friends and family. I struggle so much with all this anger. I used to be so nice and understanding. But now I have suffered too much to diplomatic about my grievances. It is so hard to work things out with someone who is irrational. Itry so hard to talk things out -but- I keep getting more progressively frustrated. He does listen and he is not sympathetic. I don't even think that he even cares about me. He doesn't seem to be concerned that he has hurt me so badly. He says that he loves him but I have a hard time beliefing him. Sometimes we get along and I can forget (for limited amount of time) all of our problems. It really, really hard to deal with him -sometimes I can barely stand it. He is so different -It like I don't him anymore. I feel as if I have lost my best friend.

Posted by: Lily at February 12, 2006 08:32 AM

ive got this illness it is very scary i carnt sleep

Posted by: adam smith at April 6, 2006 06:00 PM

I need to get in contact with some one living,
Morbin Jelausy Disorder.
My life has been hell.
please if anyone can help me.

My husban suffer from this mental prablem.

Thank you

Posted by: Maria rodriguez at April 9, 2006 11:37 PM

Help, my husband has been paranoid over the last 29 years of marriage, but these last 6 years have been hell. I am now the object of his wrath. He won't take medication but has been seeing a therapist for the last month an a half, but that doesn't seem to be working. I had it yesterday and told him that everything was in his head, but of course that reinforced the thinking that I am the source of all the "information" getting out to those who want to hurt him. Of course I am not the sourse and do not know what to do. He quit working - he was self employed and to him all his customers were out to get him. So now he isn't doing much but working on some old cars and puttsing around. Does anyone have any suggestions on my getting him real help?

Posted by: Eileen at April 17, 2006 03:11 PM

My boyfriend has been suffering with paranoia for about two years. When we met I was 18 very young and naive. We grew up very differently and I did silly things that woud upset him. I was at the time in a bad place in my life. Since then he has become more and more paranoid about what people thought about him for being with me. It started off small but has blew up. The worst thing i that I feel it is my fault for doing all the silly things I did. I'm 21 now and I have changed a lot and grew up but I find it hard dealing with his paranoia. It goes from everyday things like him thinking I have cheated (which I haven't) to being that bad he cannot sit it his own friends company without thinking they are talking in code about him. He has become more and more withdrawn and I feel bad as I get angry and can't deal with it. After reading other blogs I feel like it would be best for us both if I left. I don't feel I can because it's my fault he is this way.

Posted by: Sarah at June 16, 2006 10:50 AM

read all the blogs,i have a similar situation as eileen,just 2 months ago i broke up with my bf whos super paranoid,he thinks ive been cheating on him since the beginning of our relationship,eventhough we almost talked on the phone 24/7 he still thinks im cheating on him by talking w/ other guys,wh/c im not...i did everything to prove him wrong,i even waited for him when he got into jail,just to prove to him that hes the only one in my life...but then it didnt matter,he even accused me of having a relationship w someonelse while his in jail,w/c never im pregnant,he knows for sure that hes the father of this baby but still,hes too paranoid and thinks hes not...i had to let go already cause im so tired of his accusements,instead of him supporting me with my situation he treats me like hell,talks abusively,etc...he cants accept the fact that somethings wrong with him mentally,and he doesnt want to seek help...there's nothing i can hes gone,just in one click...

Posted by: worried at June 24, 2006 07:05 AM

I don't know what to do. My sister has been dinosed with paronia disallusion. She constantly think someone is following her and shooting lasers in her body. How do you deal with someone like this? Do you tell them the truth that they are not seeing anything. If tell them what they see isn't true she get really angry. Could she be dangerous? This new for my family and don't know how to handle her. She is also a mother to 2 14yr old twins is dangerous to them and can she function in society. We noticed the change in her for the pass 3 yrs. I think her last goverment job was the major contributor for the on-set of her illness.
Thank for your help please advise.

Posted by: candace at July 31, 2006 02:54 PM

I have just left my husband who is suppose to be my soul mate, he is charged with over 20 charges of abuse including some charges from our children. I've just been finding out that he must suffer from paranoia delusions from all the taped phone calls that I found and took with me, how he use to harrass people on the phone accusing them of being out to get him, having a contract on his life and constantly calling them and doing this, even to his own family. This all stopped when I met him, he must have then switched to focus on me and the children, three I already had from a first marriage and then two with him. He would get very violent with me when he suspected I was unfaithful because I was longer at the store then I had said I would be. He also became very verbally and physically abusive to the boys. I stayed with him for six years, always walking on egg shells when he went into this "mood" the boys did too. It would come on with little or no warning, he would just snap. I feared at the end for my boys life and mine. Never knowing what he was thinking of doing. When he threatend to do one of my son's in, I knew I had to leave. He also threatened to take our two boys and his cheque and leave. I knew I had to take them all and get out before he does anything that would destroy me. I suffered many dislocated bones, bruises and blows to the head but the worst was the emotional abuse and trying to be convinced that it was "me" that was in need of help and medication. The grueling harrassing lectures he would give me could last for hours, until I felt literally suicidal. I never wanted to leave and cried the whole way 4,000 miles to where I'am now. The police locked him up for two weeks, and charged him with six years of abuse. I still love him, that's the hardest part. I remember our wedding day like yesterday, it was so perfect and we were so happy. He still believes everyone is out to get him, and the neighbors are spying on him etc etc. I never knew he suffered from this disease; had I known I would have been able to at least know it's not me; and know why he is acting the way he is. We were very isolated on a farm, he criticized anyone that came to see us, was very jealous of any man near me. I couldn't even work, because of his jealousy. Thank you for everyone posting it helps to know I'am not the only one with this in my life. I wish to god he didn't have this, he'd be perfect for me if he didn't have this. My luck.

Posted by: shelley at August 27, 2006 10:05 AM

Hi all,

I came to this website tonight as I am feeling paranoid myself, and I wanted to try and read something online that might help me feel more safe, or at least understand what I need to do to be not feeling so paranoid. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, then schizoaffective disorder, then bi-polar disorder, and lately, 2 psychiatrists have asked me whether I have ever been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. What has been happening lately is that a neighbour has been staring at me the past 2 times he has walked by to collect his mail. I figure he is angry with me because only a week ago, as I was walking down a 1-way lane just behind the apartment block where we all live, coming back from the beach, he was driving his truck down the 1-way road but the wrong way and I glared at him. I regret this, I know I have issues around being the "good child", meaning that I am someone who tries to hard to play everything by the rules (whatever they are, I wonder sometimes), and of course part of this problem is that I can be a bit narcy and react when others break the rules, sort of my frustration "well I am playing by the rules, so why aren't you?" Anyway, I suspect he doesn't like me for this, and has been glaring at me which makes me uncomfortable at first and then to avoid feeling frightened, I get angry to put up a wall of anger to avoid being frightened and especially to avoid being seen to be frightened, which is too scary. I also know that I am probably over-reacting to this current situation. I had a bad experience (or a couple of bad experiences) last year, where I know I was being stalked, and I lived in fear for months, and that chronic fear became terror and eventually I got the hell out of that place, as I couldn't stand the fear and terror anymore: it was affecting me so badly physically and emotionally. So I know that tonight's paranoia is an over-reaction, but I still am feeling threatened again. I know many of you reading this will go: schizophrenia=paranoia, therefore increase your medication. The truth is, I am on a low dose, have been on the lower dose for a couple of years, do OK on the lower dose. Lately I have been trying to reduce it further, as I am on zyprexa and I put on a lot of weight, and I know the risks of diabetes, so I am trying to again reduce it to try and avoid getting diabetes, which many of my mentally ill friends already suffer from from being on the meds for many years. I feel like I cannot win either way. Stay on the higher dose, I get health problems, lower the dose, and I feel threatened and frightened more often and more easily, and I am much more sensitive and likely to over-react or assign a lot more meaning to events than I would if I were on the higher dose. Sadly, I know there isn't an easy answer. I just hope that somehow things will improve further in the future (but it is so difficult), and I feel for those who have posted, I identify with your feelings and with the reality of suffering a mental illness from the inside. Thanks for "listening".

Posted by: justinL at December 5, 2006 12:26 PM

The reason I am writing this is because there's a possibilty I may have this same thing. I am constantly accusing my husband of cheating because in my previous relationship I suspected it and it turned out to be true. I feel I have no friends really because I feel like they all talk about me behind my back and I feel like my boss is going to fire me everytime I make the smallest mistake. I've been like this for a while. I'm pretty much convenced that my mom hates me. I've only been married for 6 months. I don't want to lose my husband. I don't want him walking out or a devorse to be in my future. What should I do?????

Posted by: Kristen at December 21, 2006 03:59 PM

we’ve been goin out a little over 3 weeks! during the beginning of the 2nd week i noticed a patter of jealousy. he got a wild look when i hugged my friends…later he told me he was just jealous. i thought it sweet of him to care so much about me! but it keeps on getting worse!...he dreams of me cheating on him all the time! when i confronted him and asked him if he just didn’t trust me he said no…i was dumbfounded! i ensure him i love him every day, and i tell him how much he means to me all the time…but he still doesn’t trust me! i’m learning about human behaviors and disorders, so when i learned about delusional jealousy it all clicked!...i’m gonna try to help him get over it…but i read they usually flip on the people they love because they’re not seccure about themselves!! should i try to help him or just break up with him right now?!

Posted by: Susie at January 12, 2007 04:53 AM

my boyfriend has not been diagnosed with anything, but i am wondering if he should be. we have been together a year nearly and have a baby on the way, but he still thinks i cheat on him or have done in the past. its driving me mad. he reads my messages, tries to get home early to see if he can catch me with anyone and all sorts. when he found out his ex was pregnant with his baby, in the early stages or our relationship, he started going round her house and one nite he lied to me and stayed there the nite, i told him that i believe he did something with her but when he decided he wanted to be with me i was willing to forgive and forget, as it was a very emotional time for him and i put his actions down to confusion. he still says to this day that he did not do anything with her, but i have said, i dont care now, its over and done with. but now he thinks that becuase of what he did i am going to get even by cheating on him. i have absolutely no intentions of doing this, i love him, im happy with him. he even sometimes questions is he my babies father. this is so hurtful. it kills me to no that im at home on top of the world, so happy whilst he is at work unhappy thinking the worst. it makes me so anry knowing that these next few months are going to be so special and he is ruining it with his paranoid thoughts. he also smokes weed too. so i ask.... is it the weed? is it his over active imagination or lack of confidence in himself that makes him think so badly of me or is he in the early stages of this this paprnoid illness?

Posted by: casey b at March 6, 2007 05:25 PM

im afu, cant seem to get the cheat thing out of my spinning head. i love her more than life, ive been on her for 6 mo now im leaving for help befor its to damm late

Posted by: dave berg at March 10, 2007 05:48 AM

I think my wife is cheating on me. 3 times I have accused her after seeing and hearing things that didn't really mean anything. This week I thought she was seeing one of my friends because the coffee tub was moved to where the tea normally is in our kitchen. I don't drink coffee, and she only does occassionally, but my friend drinks it all the time. Also, when I got home from work, she was wearing different clothes to when I left. I know she gets changed through the day if she feels a bit down. When I got home, my side of the bed was crumpled like it had been laid on. I seem to be looking for "evidence" she has been cheating, and making stuff up in my head. the first time it happened, we were round a friends house, I went to bed and she stayed up drinking. I was convinced I heard them kissing! I was in the bedroom, with our 2 snoring children, at the other end of the house, and the TV was on downstairs, yet I heard them kissing!?!?! Am I suffering from paranoid delusions, or just the inability to trust her? Can anyone help me?

Posted by: SteveB74 at March 14, 2007 10:55 PM

Well folks, I came across this site and was reading through some of the things listed here. I understand paranoia, as I'm fairly certain I suffer from a bit of it myself.

I don't know much about it as a disease or condition, but I do know that in my case its caused by past experience. Its difficult to trust again when your past has taught you that trusting people just gets you hurt.

But like some of the other people here, I've met a wonderful woman.. Someone who is dear to my heart, and perfect for me. But I have developed an unreasoning fear of her leaving me. this is, of course, topped off with my past experience saying I'm not good enough for anyone.. Its a sad trait, because I've 'learned' that my friends are the ones I can trust least. I usually say 'At least I know what to expect from my enemies'.

I will say though, that reading some of your stories has made me feel a little better about this. And I'm definitely looking into counseling.. I have a stack to go through today myself.

Don't be afraid of it folks, better crazy and seeking treatment than sane and miserable.

Posted by: Aodhan at March 26, 2007 04:37 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend off and on for about 2 1/2 years and its been kinda crazy. The way I found out about his disorder it was a shock to me because I didn't want to hear anything that his family was trying to tell me because I believed him when he told me that he wasn't or hadn't done the things that they accussed him of. Until a time came later on when I saw first hand that there was a problem. But his anger and resentment that he had wasn't for me so I thought that things would never get out of hand maybe i could keep control of the situation. Then later on all of that changed. Our relationship begin to deepen and it seemed that his disorder started to change how he acted around me. He begin to accuse me of cheating on him, acting as if I had a reason for being with him like it was something I wanted from him other than his love. Now we are at the point where I love him with all of my heart but I am just tired of the way things are going. He will not let his guard down and let me into his life. He still feels like there is a conspiracy against him and I don't know how to talk to him and tell him that its not its the disorder thats doing it to him. What can I do to make things go a little more smoother with him? Get him to realize that the doctors diagnosed his condition for a reason and its not something that someone just says he has or is trying to convence him he has and to get him past the denial part and move to the acceptance part so that we can both be happy even if its not with eachother.

Posted by: dee at April 27, 2007 09:12 PM

I realized as we carried on our first conversation, this was the kind of man that always believed women were cheating on him. That was over two years ago. We have been seeing each other off and on, cause that's the only way - he would accuse me of cheating I would try to convince him it's not true - and no amount of logic could work - so i would ask him to leave - he'd get his feelings hurt cause I kicked him out - but I can't live like that -so back and forth for two years - I couldn't decide if it was really a mental illness or controlling thing - but coupled with the paranoia that people are out to get him and that someone is getting to all his exes to make them leave him - he thinks his co-workers drained the oil from his car in an effort to get even with him - he thought the real estate agent was going to rip him off, he thinks I'm going to have him fired - the more I learn and read the more I realize it is some sort of mental illness - my heart hurts for us both - he will never find peace, because his life will always be filled with this turmoil - he will never admit and never go to a dr for any kind of help - his life will always be filled with this and I will mourn for him, and we will not be together - I guess it makes me a bad person - but I don't have the knowledge or the strength to battle his mental illness - I will not marry a man who believes I'm cheating.

Posted by: cat at May 9, 2007 01:13 AM

I'm glad I found this page; it's a picture of my life. I've been married to a paranoid person for over 15 years now. We have two great kids and he had one from previous marriage (he was married three times before me). We started happy but this is didn’t last long, I started noticing no sense in his judgments about a lot of things and I couldn’t understand what's wrong with him. I love people and gathering, but after each gathering I notice we get into a verbal fight. He comments on everybody's words, everybody's behavior and he thinks they all meant to put him down or make fun of his conversation and on and on and on. To cut the problems in our life I started listening to him and cut relations with our best friends. For him everything happened because of a plan, nothing coincident. If I tell him somebody called, he say why, what are you planning now? If I say let’s stop by someone and say hi, he’ll say what’ going on, a new trouble. If he comes home and I’m reading a book for my kids upstairs he says I know you’re trying to separate the kids from me. We all have to set around him downstairs while his watching his TV to make him comfortable. I tried my best to avoid anything make him suspicious or sensitive because I don’t like problems and arguing, especially in front of my kids. I talk loud on the phone, I tell him all the details that happened with me at home at work just to give him comfort, and he was always the opposite, he always secretive, love to hide things and does not share anything with me. My life was like walking on eggs shells. Nothing make him happy, he digs for the problems. He’s very details about everything. Things got worse and worse because now he wants me to cut relation with my family. He got to the point that he lies and make up stories to proof himself right. These stories got bigger and bigger to the points start getting dangers. We went to get help from a psychologist and she told me right away that he is paranoid. I felt a relief that I know what’s going on with my life after 10 years.
He needed to see a psychiatrist but he refused to see anyone and said I’m the sick one. Things got outrageous and not acceptable and embracing. For the last 5 years and I was telling him I’m getting divorce if he’s not getting help but family things stops me, and I was very serious about it last year to the point I went and hired a lawyer. He got scared and he field divorce so he looks good in front of people for his fourth divorce. He started making up stories about me and my family, going to our friends’ houses on by one and telling lies and fake stories to cover his problems.
I’m so glad he did the divorce because I have hope now to get out of this suffering. Our problem now is that he wants the joint custody over the kids which I’m fighting because that will be a disaster. I’m asking for an evaluator to look through our life and see his sick behavior over the years. It’s taking a lot of time and a lot of cost but now all my concern and hope that my kids won’t go though what I’m going through right now.

Posted by: reem at June 1, 2007 01:18 PM

I've been reading the comments here and it's struck a chord with me. My boyfriend told me last Friday that he thinks he's not in love with me any more, that he has suspected me of cheating for 2 months, that he has felt for over a month that I don't love him, that he is miserable and suicidal.
Up til Friday I thought that we were very happy - although he is a bit controlling and has recently had to give up a college course which left him very depressed, I felt that he was happy with me. I have never cheated on him and he has accused me before. However, he isn't paranoid about other things and the other partners I'm hearing about here don't seem to want to break up with the person they accuse of cheating. Is it possible my (former) partner has a light dose of paranoid disorder - is that even possible?

Posted by: T at June 15, 2007 12:56 PM

I hate to share this story because of being embrassed. Anyway, my wife and i have been married for 9 years now and we have a daughter who is 6. I see lot of abnormal behaviour in my wife which forced me to respond differently. Finally, we agreed to get diagnosed by a pychatrist & pycologist. As suspected, my wife is diagonosed with Paranoid personality disorder. Doctor didnt want to inform my wife but recommended both of us for Marriage counselling. In this way, he was able to start my wife with medication. For the last 4 months, she refuses to come back to hospital on the ill advise of her elder sister. I tried to get legally separated but after going the diagnosis report and reading their behaviour on the internet, i decided to help my wife. Can suggest me how to take her back to the hosiptal? I would like to save my marriage life. Thanks

Posted by: S at June 21, 2007 11:01 AM

All of this sounds so close to home. My husband, of a very short period, is always accusing me of having affairs, not loving him, and sometimes thinks that me and someone else is conspiring against him, just to get his bank accountl(which he has none) He is suspious of everything that I do, and everyone around me. He does not trust me, goes thorough my things, cell phone, e-mails etc. He has to approve of my clothing, saying that I am a sleezy slut and enjoy having other people look at me. Help!!!! I love him so much and have no idea on how to deal with this anymore

Posted by: Diane at July 13, 2007 04:40 PM

I work with a man who is very paranoid that I am "out to get him"...he is making my life hell at work by lying to the management and owners by blowing situations way out of normal proportion...its though he is sensitive to everything I say and do,whether it is directed to him or not,therefore takes it all as negative towards him....I have walked on "eggshells" around this man at work until recently when he had an "episode" and I finally lashed out at him.I can not leave this be because the owner of the business has now gotten involved.I feel as though I have to constantly defend myself.This man is a retired police officer and is in very good standing with the owners of the place we both work at.I seriously need any advice as to how to handle this before this man convinces the owners that I am harassing him.Thank you.

Posted by: Mary at July 18, 2007 12:17 AM

My husband and I have been married for 12 years (together 5 years before that). For the past 3 years he has become very paranoid. He thinks people are after him, following him, trying to kill him. He thinks theres a GPS in his car, listening devices in our house (ex. puts tape over our cable box and other items because he thinks there are cameras in there.) If I say something to him he says "now everyone at work will know." I always hear "go ahead play your games. I have a 2 year old and 10 month old and would love for this to stop, but it has only gotten worse. When ever something in his life goes wrong (from losing a shirt to a scratch on the wall) he thinks I'm after him, the neighbors are after him, my parents are after him, work is after him. Can someone please help me. He will not seek help. I don't know what to say to him anymore without having him freak out. Thank you.

Posted by: jenna at July 23, 2007 09:28 PM

very shocking stuff. my boyfriend is very paronoid accuses me of having people in the house when hes working nights he really believes his thoughts it scares me im worrid he may be ill dont know what to do love him so much.

Posted by: chantal at July 25, 2007 11:41 PM

Hi all,

After reading all yr postings, I realize tht I have some signs of schizophrenia. I am married to a wonderful woman whom I should trust, and yet I feel insecure about our marriage. The paranoia is wrecking my thoughts making me feel angry and obsessive. I find fault in the smallest of things and feel hurt when my wife doesn’t say the “right” words that I want to hear. And to protect my feelings I’ve also become manipulative, possessive and cast blame on others for my lack of self-esteem. Whenever possible, I avoid family and friends even in my own home. And when someone asks for a favour or help, either through me or my wife, I am suspicious of their intentions and am reluctant to help out. If I am put down by a friend or at work by a co-worker, or when someone glances at me the “wrong” way, my imagination goes on overdrive. It’s like a million things races through my head but masochistically, only the worst scenario is chosen. I am govern by my personal emotions and irrational thoughts become somewhat sane. Just yesterday, after a fight with my wife, I drove to work sobbing because I thought my marriage was over. But after the tears and a prayer, my mind was clearer. I saw what I've become and didn’t like it. And now that I have found this page, I know now I need help do to get out of this suicide spiral. Thank you all and God bless!

Posted by: Jay at July 27, 2007 05:38 AM

My girlfriend is young, beautiful, & v intelligent but I constantly feel i am treading on eggshells around her. So many things I (or others) do or say upset her bcos she interperets some negative or unfaithful action or thought from it. Examples would be asking me why i took so long on an errand, hacking into my emails, mobile phones, going thru thousands of old pix (of my ex g/f), resenting time i spend with family or friends, and she even resents my favourite pastimes. She is incredibly insecure & jealous & posessive. Her behaviour is distancing me from her and making me cold to her...which only makes her more insecure and paranoid! Is this behaviour likely to get worse? How should I deal with it? Is there a cure? Your comments greatfully acknowledged.

Posted by: Rob at August 1, 2007 04:04 PM

I myself have suffered these very symptoms. I've got 2 kids to separate mothers and tried my damnedest to make the relationships work but to no avail. I feel as if I am stupid and I have very unreasonable and unjustified thoughts but cannot get a grip on reality. It seems that the more I try to stop the thoughts the worse it gets. I feel very disheartened by the fact that I have hurt those around me from feelings and thoughts beyond my control. I understand that it is an illness but cannot accept that I have it. This doesn't mean that I am in denial, just that I feel even more useless and like a failure knowing that I have the illness. It is horrible to wake up and say "@#$% this! Another day of weird stuff (thoughts and emotions)." It not only secludes me but also destroys my feelings that I deserve any type of happiness. If I could just say one thing to all the people who have stuck it out with their partners it would be, "HOW?" If I was in the same position I would just pack their bags and say, "So long, sorry but I can't help or tolerate you anymore" Needless to say, THANKYOU because you all must be angels to your partners although they cannot express it :)

Posted by: Wokka at August 6, 2007 02:22 PM

I have just located this site. Although it gives me comfort to know there are others that are going through the same thing, I don't know what to do about it.
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. My husband has always been jealous, however in the last few years he has become unbearable. He won't "allow" me to have friends. If I defy him and actually talk to anyone, he accuses me of cheating with them. He accused me of having an affair with my female boss. He doesn't like me to leave the house alone. I must take one of the children with me. If I do not take one of the kids with me, then he is convinced that I have left to meet my "lover". He has installed some sort of spyware on our computer and monitors my online activities. I really hope he sees this, as I am at my wits end.

Posted by: Angela at August 26, 2007 05:50 AM

I find myself coming to this site over and over again. I guess it gives me some sort of comfort knowing that I am not the only one going thru this sort of thing. I am married to a man I love more than anything else in this world. Unfortunately he has some sort of paranoid disorder and does not want to admit it. Therefore cannot be helped. I have tried. We have seen psychiatrists and psychologists. They are agree that he has a problem, but he does not see this. He was on meds for a while and then stopped them on his own. I just don't know what to do. I am a big focus of his paranoia. He does not trust me and I don't know why. I have never done anything bad to him, never betrayed him. Never gave him a reason to distrust me but he does. When I tell him I am leaving b/c I cannot take his distance and distrust anymore he promises things will be better and they are, for a couple months. But then it goes back to being the same way. I just don't know what to do. I feel as if I should leave, but I love him soooooooo much. I feel as if I would be abandoning him. I know he is a good person, just with a disease. But I deserve love and trust. I feel as though I keep giving and giving to him. I try to love him and care for him as much as I can and what I get most of the time is distance and distrust. I become so frustrated with the situation, tell him I am leaving, and then he's good for 2 months and it starts all over again. He doesn't apoligize. Just says things will be better. Any advice?

Posted by: C at September 20, 2007 04:54 PM

Id just like to say to those who suffer along side and with this illness, there is hope, and never give up. Most paranoid people are very open to outside coercion and take it extremely negatively. Its a defense mechanism, but they do not have the tools to cope and fight against it, because of their confidence being low. Afterwards it eats away at them.

I seen a post above, where a wife described her husband as needing to be "reset". You are so on point. Think of a person as a tree, where their trunk is who they were, and now they are a branch or leaf on the outer fringe of the tree. Somewhere at some fork in the branches, they lost control, and they went out on the wrong limb, a diseased limb if you will. Getting the person back to that fork is the goal, and finding their correct branch. Its what they are looking for themselves, its part of their endless search for who they were, allow them to search, it takes time, but they will come to a point they are tired of it, and begin it themselves. Be supportive and reassuring. The outside world is full of "suspicious" activity and they internalize it when they become exposed to it. They dont have the shielding that most people have. They continue to care about stuff, where as normal people say "screw it and forget it". When these people do refind themselves they can become functional again, but it is a slow recovery, with relapses like a drug addiction. But their travels through it, make them stronger and that person you remember will come back.
Normal people are uncaring about some things, a paranoid person cares too much, about stuff they have no control over. Id suggest meditation as a therapy, theres another one, but its an illegal substance, suppressed by societal paranoia. Think hippies, but not pot. If your significant other has religious doubts, which is very likely, Id suggest them reading some Stoic literature. Its philosophy, and a good basis for rebuilding themselves and also a set of tools to cope with life's difficulties. Meditations of Marcus Aurelius I would suggest first. Goodluck.

Posted by: Wes at October 26, 2007 07:26 PM

I have been struggling over the past year in a half with my husband, my friend. In December of 2005, my husband told me that he speaks to dead people. I told him he was crazy, that noone could talk to dead people. I cried and cried. He was very vehement about it all. I figured if I told him his thoughts were crazy, he would realize this and would stop.

He didn't speak of any of this for months. Then one day he informed me that a fellow co-worker was schizophrenic and he was telling my husband things that noone could possibly know. The eventual outcome was that his co-worker was let go. I worry that my husband threatened his boss or at the least scared him into firing his employee.

Nothing happened for many months. Then in May of 2006 my nephew hung himself. This of course was a very traumatic event for me. I needed my husband. I needed someone to lean on and someone that could be strong for me!! Only a month after my nephew's death, my husband began "talking" to my nephew. I was scared and angry. I didn't want to talk to him about it. I felt so alone. How could I speak of my nephew's death when my husband felt that he was communicating with my nephew?

I distanced myself from him. I stopped talking to him about my problems, because they were of course insignificant and just angered him. I took to spending more time with my family. This helped, but my depression just worsened. I was completely 100% suicidal. I not only lost my 14 year old nephew whom I loved with all my heart, but was also losing my husband of 3 years, boyfriend for the previous 12.

I didn't want to be with him any more. I felt guilty. I still do. How could I want to be away from someone that I knew loved me so much and one that I loved so much too? Would he fall apart? Would it be my fault? Will I go to hell by not standing by my husband just because he has a mental illness?

I finally concvinced him to go to a doctor. The psychiatrist labeled him paranoid-scitzophrenic and put him on medication. The medication helped, but not enough. He still had delusions of conspiracy against him, from his best-friends and even me. His doctor said that his scitzophrenia was drug induced from when he was younger, even though there is a history of it in his family. I tried to get him to go see another doctor, he refused.

In November of 2006, I began having an affair. Even though I feel that my husband knew of this, he ignored it. I finally told him in March of 2007. He left me. I was relieved. I was finally free. I put our house on the market and moved back to my home town. I currently live by myself and am no more happy than when I lived with my husband.

He won't talk to me, doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't blame him. But I miss him. He was my everything. I want him back. I want him back how he used to be.

I feel so guilty. Why am I not strong enough to deal with his disease? Why did I cheat on him? Noone understands. My best-friend thinks that I am shallow. My family thinks I should stay away from him because he might be dangerous.

I know that I still love him, but I don't really know if I still want to be with him. Can I live like that again? Can I really always be concerned about everything I say so that he won't get mad or hurt? Does my happiness matter?

I am still confused. I still don't know what to do. I miss him, but would I regret my decision if I tried to make things work? If I begged him for forgiveness? I just don't know what to do!!!!

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Posted by: glidernet at November 23, 2007 09:58 PM

Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 years now.the first two years were the best time in our relationship.i started to see changes in him when he was obsessed over my phone,my whereabouts even though i tell him,my friends etc.during this past year things have gotten worse.he's been physically,mentally,and spiritually abusive.He accused me of sleeeping with our roommate.Just thought id mention his roommate doesnt like women of color.He woke up one day and started asking me where i was all night.we had gone to bed at 5am and woke up at 8:40 to go to work.i looked at him puzzled.He said he supposedly found a condom in the toilet and he "knows" it was from me but when i asked him to show it to me he never did.He also said he heard sexual noises coming from the upstairs but didnt want to go up there because he didnt want to see anything.i know that this isnt true every time i ask him about it he gets defensive.For the record he is my first love and never once have i cheated or even thought of it.I took off because he started strangling me.there has been alot of accusations within the past two years but he can never tell me where he heard it from or shown me hardcore evidence.i know he has mental problems given his traumatizing childhood.i want to help him so bad but he thinks people will judge do i go about proving my love to him and getting him help

Posted by: csweet at November 27, 2007 08:14 PM

My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when i was three years old, and everything seemed normal until my junior year in highschool. My mom thought my dad was having an affair, at first i was confused and i believed her, until she started to think that my dad was trying to poison her, and that his endless stream of girlfriends sneek into our house every night and leave messages for her in our bookcase and towel room. I don't think this is 100% Bipolar.

Posted by: senior at November 28, 2007 09:47 PM

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