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My sister told me that when she looks at my life, when she looks 10,20 years down the road....she is very sad.
She wants to know why I stay? Why would I do that, when there is a whole world out there that could be mine if I wanted it? Am I a martyr?
I don't think I am a martyr. That same world is out there whether I am in this relationship or not. As long as M. is willing to go along for the ride, why can't I see what the world has to offer?
I fell in love with M., a long, long time ago. I still love him. We have children together....I can't just shut that off and go start a new life. I was brought up to believe in marraige, the vows, the commitment. I have not come to the point (yet?) where I am willing to give up on all of that. I am not saying that everyone must stay. I certainly don't judge anyone who gets out. Everyone's story is a little different and each of us can only do what we can do.
Who knows tomorrow may be a different story....this is such a confusing life. I wonder what people who don't live with mental illness have to deal with? I am sure there is something, as I don't think anyone has a perfect marraige or life, but it has to easier than this I would think.Posted by Jamie at September 16, 2004 08:32 PM | TrackBack