September 16, 2004

Thursday thoughts...

My sister told me that when she looks at my life, when she looks 10,20 years down the road....she is very sad.

She wants to know why I stay? Why would I do that, when there is a whole world out there that could be mine if I wanted it? Am I a martyr?

I don't think I am a martyr. That same world is out there whether I am in this relationship or not. As long as M. is willing to go along for the ride, why can't I see what the world has to offer?

I fell in love with M., a long, long time ago. I still love him. We have children together....I can't just shut that off and go start a new life. I was brought up to believe in marraige, the vows, the commitment. I have not come to the point (yet?) where I am willing to give up on all of that. I am not saying that everyone must stay. I certainly don't judge anyone who gets out. Everyone's story is a little different and each of us can only do what we can do.

Who knows tomorrow may be a different story....this is such a confusing life. I wonder what people who don't live with mental illness have to deal with? I am sure there is something, as I don't think anyone has a perfect marraige or life, but it has to easier than this I would think.

Posted by Jamie at September 16, 2004 08:32 PM | TrackBack


you stay because the person you love is still there too, because you can. you stay because you're needed. because there's always hope.

Posted by: becky at September 24, 2004 03:20 AM

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